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Marrying Someone you are not in Love with


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Is it crazy to consider marrying someone that you do not even love? This is what happened in my first marriage. I married a woman because I loved her as a person, and I believed she loved me, but I was never in love. I truely believe that I could have been content in that marriage until I finally realized how selfish she was to the point where it was no longer possible for me to believe she loved me. When the marriage ended, I still felt as though I loved her in many ways, but I no longer could stay in the marriage.

 

I have only been in love once in my life to someone that basically did not return that love. That experience sucked. Now that I am approaching 50, I no longer expect to ever fall in love again. I do not feel destitute over this, I merely accept it as a statistical likelihood. I would like to find a companion who perhaps can share a loving relationship without necessarily being in love. I miss a life companion more that I miss a lover or being in love.

 

Thus I repeat the question, is it crazy to consider marrying a person that I have a loving relationship with, but am not in love with at my age?

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Now that I am approaching 50, I no longer expect to ever fall in love again.

 

I have known several people who fell in love after 50. Nowadays people live to their 80s so 50's just a little past halfway. You still have a heart - it's still capable of love.

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One of my mother's good friends lost her husband when she was 55.

 

She decided to change her life. She closed her practice (she was a psychotherapist) and moved to Ireland (a long time dream of hers). There, she met a man in his early 60's and they fell in love.

 

They got married and my mom said, when she visited them, that they acted like two lovesick pups.

 

I think as long as you are alive and there are people in the world, you can fall in love over and over and over again.

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It's not so crazy, there are 7 types of arranged marriages in India, a country with 3x the US population. You *did* love her, but at the end of the day it wasn't her you wanted standing with you in the sunset -- millions of people share your point of view. Don't be like that bitter guy in the public park secretly enjoying his over agressive Jack Russell harrasing innocent young couples or like a old cat lady who has found ally cats have more morals than any of the men she has ever tried to love, because love is always possible.

 

Interesting that you chose *not* to have a relationship than to be in a false one. So why didn't you try to make things work it out, did it seem impossible? I think I share your same view though, I would end the relationship but it's partly because I'm an independant and optomistic person that I think love would come to me again and if it didn't I would be OK witht that too. You have loved I think, and you have lost, and that is certianly better than never experiencing any of these things.

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