Confused, afraid, and second guessing myself all the time?

[overseas2004]

I will try to be brief...

 

I started dating this guy this month that I have known for 7 years. Before now, I rejected all his advances but mostly because we lived far apart. Now I live in his city and we have started seeing each other. From the beggining it has not been what I have wanted to be but I have tried so hard to overcome my fears and see what will happen. Today is Friday and I havent seen him since a Wednessday for coffee. We dont have any plans for the weekend and I dont know what to do.

 

The scenario is that we have been on 5 dates now. Each time there is a period in between where he doesnt call or see me for a few days. Then we see each other and each time we get closer to having sex but then invariably there is a period in between where nothing happens and I become frustrated.

 

Our first date, I stayed at his house and we saw each other two days later. He then went away for a few days and sms-ed me while he was away. When I responded to him with an SMS he did not write back. Then we saw each other as soon as he got back. After that he did not call for four days. We then went out again for a coffee.

 

I tried gently to tell him that I really was looking for someone who wanted to spend more time together and that I wanted a relationship. I told him that it was fair if he did not want the same things but that I had been hurt before and dont want to go down a path with someone who wasnt going in the same direction as me. He told me that he was hoping that I would call him more often and that I would participate as well, but he also grumbled about how this made him feel cornered. I reiterated that I thought that we needed to be on the same page, and told him that I was just trying to be self perserving. He still seemed uneasy but he asked me to go out with him that night and I made no future mention of my anxiety.

 

That night, he asked me to go to Hawaii with him for New Years Eve. He also mentioned a weekend trip to Shenendoa valley two weeks from now. That made me feel good. I started to feel more relaxed that he was making future plans. We went back to my place and had lots of fun but still no sex. (pretty close though). He called me on Wednessday and we had coffee. I already mentioned I havent heard from him since. Its Friday, its two oclock and I dont have any weekend plans with him. He could call today or tomorrow but it will be his schedule right...

 

OH I know he is going to call but what should I do. I am not enjoying this. I feel like he isnt that into me. I worry that I am going to get hurt or that I am being disrespected. I dont ever want to allow anyone to disrespect me again. Besides, I would like to see him more often.