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This is the cycle my girlfriend has been doing.

 

. She gets mad at me for ANYTHING, than I kind of argue back. Now again, she always did this everytime we got on the phone therefore it was okay for me to leave the situation for her to think individually.

 

. I hang up. I tell myself I will call her in an hour.. but she ruins my plans by somehow making me look at myself in the mirror and say that "I am being a failure". Actually.. she makes me see that person I was when I was a kid..

 

. Now that is the problem.. suddenly I start talking to her as if I am a child and I am not taking care, rather, I am the one that needs to be taken care of.

 

. The good news about this is that I've TRIED and I SUCEEDED my attempts of being in a actual relationship with this girl, the problem is that she stops me from where I am trying and making every step of it harder for me to see me fail.

 

PLEASE HELP ME. I DON'T UNDERSTAND.. I MAY KNOW SOME ANSWERS BUT I AM NOT SURE AND I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING SO I CAN PROCEED THIS WITHOUT HER DOING THIS TO ME.

 

First of all I wanna know why she is doing this? Why she gets mad? Why I fall in this category and what I can do?

 

AGAIN PLEASE HELP ME. POST ME. ANYTHING PEOPLE!

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Sounds like she knows what buttons to push to try to control you. She makes you feel bad etc, and you give in and start to think you are only worthy or her, and not of yourself. Get a backbone. Don't let her treat you like this.

 

 

 

Jade

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This is the cycle my girlfriend has been doing.

 

. She gets mad at me for ANYTHING, than I kind of argue back. Now again, she always did this everytime we got on the phone therefore it was okay for me to leave the situation for her to think individually.

 

. I hang up. I tell myself I will call her in an hour.. but she ruins my plans by somehow making me look at myself in the mirror and say that "I am being a failure". Actually.. she makes me see that person I was when I was a kid..

 

. Now that is the problem.. suddenly I start talking to her as if I am a child and I am not taking care, rather, I am the one that needs to be taken care of.

 

. The good news about this is that I've TRIED and I SUCEEDED my attempts of being in a actual relationship with this girl, the problem is that she stops me from where I am trying and making every step of it harder for me to see me fail.

 

PLEASE HELP ME. I DON'T UNDERSTAND.. I MAY KNOW SOME ANSWERS BUT I AM NOT SURE AND I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING SO I CAN PROCEED THIS WITHOUT HER DOING THIS TO ME.

 

First of all I wanna know why she is doing this? Why she gets mad? Why I fall in this category and what I can do?

 

AGAIN PLEASE HELP ME. POST ME. ANYTHING PEOPLE!

 

 

Is the Sex that good? Or do you feel that bad about yourself? Kidding aside she's obviously not the one for you..

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I wish I had great advice on how to stop that, but I really don't. I do think I understand where you're coming from. That she gets angry at you for something that wasn't really a big deal, and then turns everything around so that it seems like you're being an insensitive jerk for not knowing.

 

It's not you. It's her. Unless you could point to every previous relationship you've ever had and could say you had the same thing happen, but I doubt that's the case.

 

I think the only advice I could give (assuming you want this relationship to work) is to stay as level headed and calm as possible when dealing with her. When she starts to get upset, don't take the bait and follow suit. Just breath, refocus, and keep reational.

 

But honestly, I think you need to do some deep inner searching. Do you deserve to be treated like that? Remind her you are an adult, that you don't need the lectures and abuse, but if she'd like to discuss it rationally when she's cooled down, then you will be available.

 

For your own mental health, I think you should break this off with her. It doesn't sound mentally healthy for you. And I think you know that.

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Teimour Radjabov

Get a new girlfriend.

 

This time, don't argue with them when they get pissed off about something, YOU must control the frame, you're the man.. aren't you?

 

 

Listen, I love my girlfriends, and will have amazing times together, but I have certain rules and expectations, and if they break one, they will never see me again.

 

This girl Roza who I'm f***ing, she is aware I have other girls, and she KNOWS she is not allowed to call me when i'm working, and she did it once...

 

I don't freak out and go crazy and get emotional and angry (like a woman would do)

 

I wait til I see her, she tells me it's OK, she only did it once, I look her in the eyes and said "you did this 3 times, the first time.. the last... and NEVER again!"

 

This is how you must be with women, do you understand?

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Honestly, my eyes are getting teary. Just to realize how much, all these wonderings and thoughts I've had these past months even year.. how much she changed me and what I saw of myself was projected from what she did to me. At first I think, okay, I do this and that to her.. but than I think "How can I get back at her?", But I can't, and I wouldn't waste time.... sadly now I want to cry. I just typed this to her, just now on aim.

 

her: so when are you going to sleep?

her: ?

her: HELLOOO?

me: WTF do u want?

me: you dont answer me in that way

me: im sleeping soon alrite

her: i asked you a question

her: lol

her: okay

me: you obviously dont need to know that if u dont care

her: thats all i need to know

her: signed off at 12:10:57 AM.

 

I dont know what is going to happen now. Even if I Stand up for myself, she would make me put so much energy on it untill she would give in or SOMETHING. Still, I can't navigate my mind efficiently. I think when she typed "thats all i need to know", she is telling me that I am putting too much effort in it anyways.

 

Today, she made me so mad. She made me beg, and I almost gotten in to jail again for the twice time because of yells and screams, i've acted crazy grabbing tree branches.. anything. She only gives in when I start hurting myself because I am just outraged over something.. even afterwards she would start "babying" me like im a little infant. Confusing me again.

 

That time, her friend and friend's boyfriend was there... surprisingly they acted as if there was a problem with themseleves. From what I looked, I thought the best thing to do was be a man about it and tell them sorry for witnessing it....... and they seemed down about something. They knew that she was messing with me, her friend's boyfriend knew this.. he started getting kind of mad at her.. but the only answer I got was that they had their own problems.

 

The part that just shows she has no heart is this part, is when I ask herself what was wrong with them.. she told me she dont know. But she had to know. She even lied to me this one time that she never told her friend that we did sexual things together. I asked because her friend did this thing to me.. this kind of hint about not going outside of the mall.. "*wink", was it. Because THEY were the ones talking about how she is using her ass to get me this way.

 

Man, this could be true. If it is. I want to beat her ass to hell. And that doesn't mean if she is a girl or boy or not. To me when I see this, she is like a punching rock that I dont care no matter how much my fist will feel numb I will continue untill I stop and cry.... she deserves it more than anything. She is STILL trying to play me, parts of what she is doing to escalate me there.

 

 

Well here it is, the cold-hearted ****en formula to get you this way. You said it.

 

is to stay as level headed and calm as possible when dealing with her. When she starts to get upset, don't take the bait and follow suit. Just breath, refocus, and keep reational.

 

But honestly, I think you need to do some deep inner searching. Do you deserve to be treated like that? Remind her you are an adult, that you don't need the lectures and abuse, but if she'd like to discuss it rationally when she's cooled down, then you will be available.

 

For your own mental health, I think you should break this off with her. It doesn't sound mentally healthy for you. And I think you know that

 

 

Yes, the formula. If you DONT stay level headed, if you DONT stay calm as possible when dealing with her. She will **** you up for life. Than this, she makes it harder for you by getting mad at every little non-big deal thing and make you feel like a child.

 

So is it her fault? Yes. Is she guilty? Yes. It was not necessarily just a "relationship problem", it was literally acted to set me on fire and mess with my mental health and treat me like a dogg for the use of a confidence boost.

 

All that is left now is... is she more coldhearted for just moving on? Because I think this is what she is doing after I stood up for myself earlier, she is just online. Maybe she is trying to talk to some other guy now knowing that i've realized this much. And hurt me more right?

 

Right now....... All I can do is vent....... I want to kill her, honeslty in the non-violenest way possible, I want it to be quick.... I want it to happen so fast I can see the walls of a jail cell.

 

Someone help. Jesus Christ.. Jesus Christ, just let it happen so she can suffer as much as what she did. What she did!.....

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I feel better venting. I better not go to jail or anything for this...... I mean I won't really kill her. All i'm saying is that I am feeling better venting.. so don't do this to me....

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hahaha i want to cry and laugh at the same time! ='|

 

 

her: how come your soooo hardheaded?

her: why you still up>

her: tryna find a nw girlfriend?

me: why is that a problem?

her: no its just a question

her: do you have a problem w/ me asking?

me: im just watching tv

me: yes

her: well than deal with it

her: :D

me: stop acting like your the boss of me

her: well im not.

me: your really worthless

me: trust me girlfriend.

her: and its not my problem yo usee it that way

her: you see*

her: worthless naw?

me: no but i can judge u

her: its just that i actually have time

me: but u wouldnt care, but listen to all ur other friends

her: and not hardheaded

me: ;-)

her: to IM someone

her: yeah because they care

her: unlike you do

her: atleast that speak w/ their mouth to make things true

me: yeah

her: or atleast their actions are unlike yours

me: your not worth my time

[block]

EEHhh lieSHH haa signed off at 1:00:04 AM.

 

=| ='| =/

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Dude. Chill out.

 

I didn't understand your IM'ing conversation that well, but sounds as if you both need to break up. If you want to kill her, then you need some CoUNSELING. Go talk to a professional. Seek help.

 

To me it sounds as if your as much to blame for your situation as she is. You're not acting like an adult, or being mature about your problems. People don't talk to someone they love like that. And if you don't love her, then end the relationship. Not her life.

 

It takes two to argue. You're just as responsible as she is. Just as guilty. If that's how you've always acted, then I can understand why she'd get mad on the phone.

 

Go get some counseling. Anger management or something. Break up with her, and work on yourself for a while. The relationship obviously doesn't make you happy.

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Honestly, my eyes are getting teary. Just to realize how much, all these wonderings and thoughts I've had these past months even year.. how much she changed me and what I saw of myself was projected from what she did to me. At first I think, okay, I do this and that to her.. but than I think "How can I get back at her?", But I can't, and I wouldn't waste time.... sadly now I want to cry. I just typed this to her, just now on aim.

 

You are all emotionally confused like some kind of love scorned woman and you surely don't have the stones to move on.! I think she is controlling and crazy but you have issues too. I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear and say it's all her fault, I think you seem to be imature and unable to deal with people at the very least. You blame her for everything but yet you can't take initiative and cut the coord. The other guy(Teimour Radjabov) is a male whore but at least he understands the futility of hanging on to a failed relationship. Of course in his case he has a roledex full of numbers to filter though instead of a commited relationship. So end it, and do it now!

 

I've seen this before, you'll make a dambed fool of yourself because you cant 'give up' and drag this whole mess out. you think you are right about everything, you think she's at fault, and you can handle your emotions.. I'm a little concerned for her actually.. because none of these things are true. You exibit arrested development (so does she) and you guys were pretty much failed from the start... End it and seek help.. for god sakes you need it..

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Day 2 and I have learn some new things. It wasn't just her fault for everything, from the posts that I read before today.. that popped into my mind last night because of the way I read it.

 

Good news though. I talked with my brother about all of this, and he says that boys can't do nothing about it but understand them. He also said it was her way of controlling me which wasn't nice at all to figure out, but at the same time it was an "its okay.." thing because she did it out of being a girl. I conclude, a break.. from this point on I have to let go.. maybe that will teach her a lesson.

 

I have to learn to control myself, you guys/girls said it. Thanks. If I can't control myself she can obviously control me. It was the fact that I thought I was being too nice, which "pushed my buttons".

 

This explains my IM convo, I was being mean because I think it is better to be an @sshole than be controlled like some sort of remote.. Untill I can handle it of course.

 

Thanks again.

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oh_what_am_I_doing

I think for the first time in my life I am speechless. Really.... on so many levels. I don't know what to say except your behavior is unacceptable and you need to seek counseling... immediately. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars.

 

PS. Teimour Radjabov, WTF? "I love my girlfriends" ???!!!! Plural? You obviously don't know what love is.

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Sounds like a controling (her part) and immature relationship (both your parts) I would say you need to move on.

 

 

 

 

Jade

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