long... but i really need help.. please..

[3questions]

I find this a little clear now.. this is what has been hiding behind a door for awhile now, and I think I found out all these reasons… but… I really cant do nothing about it.

 

I finally found out that my life must have dropped somewhere, and than I became the nicest guy in the world. I don’t show it, it’s not like.. im going to give you this and that. ( Though I would). It is more of people walking all over me. It is like my heart is open to them and I can’t really be myself because somewhere it is like He/She won’t like me unless I love them. Just like how I been loving my girlfriend… well… this is the case with her. I went out with her for 10 months, I over gave my heart to her because she got all the benefit in the relationship. All the confidence of knowing she had someone who thought she was the greatest person in the world, the sexist, prettiest. Again, I didn’t exactly say these things but the way I was just gave that message. I know love and trust keeps a girl in control.. but if you are not controlling her to benefit herself, you know, to make her feel like she actually DOES want to call me, or talk to me. Than that means she is not really with you. Now this girlfriend I am dating.. sometimes when she knows she is not giving enough “at that time I thought I wasn’t accepting her love”. But the only reason why I wasn’t was because I was sooo nice. Like I don’t get it. Is it me being nice? Is it me being sad and my way of coping it? Is it what? I HAVE NO CLUE BUT IT IS EATING ME ALIVE.

 

 

My life sucks right now because I am realizing this and my heartaches because I feel like I need to be the nicest guy in the world to be loved, even looked at. NO wonder I stare at people in the eyes for so long until they LOVED me? It is so strange… I also have a history of this, my brother, he seems like he gets messed around in the heart.. maybe because he was sad than the only way to be loved is love totally?

 

Since I noticed this… last class this girl was telling me how “I’m so nice.” With absolutely no visual of me being nice. It is still there because I let people take my ability to stand 10 feet tall, I am all-quiet... SHE is nice enough to tell me that, most people would just take it and leave me feeling like I can’t even speak my mind or anything. I live my life being fake pushing myself when no one is even listening. Now that I noticed this it has making me more sadder because I realize maybe I am doing this because I’m sad…. I had a relationship before all this and I gave her all my heart and she seem to appreciate it. The only problem was how was I appreciating it? Some people were telling me I needed a girlfriend because of how low I was. I was just following my heart now look what it got me into!

 

 

Man this is the basic concept, I give away my confidence and heart and soul to someone until they feel sorry for me.. than when I would notice that I would be mad. (like my girlfriend, so she gives me sex). Or until they are benefiting there ass off. It is like I am walking in knees around the school talking, looking, at people, which is exceptionally hard. Than when I TRY to stand up for myself they see that.. than I don’t think.. but I feel like I need to stop standing up so I can stay this way. I can’t do nothing about it. It hurts.to give your heart to everyone you see or look at, even the air.. I am practically walking around naked and than when they talk to me I try to cover myself up. Oh god help me…

“ I wasn’t was because I was sooo nice. Like I don’t get it. Is it me being nice? Is it me being sad and my way of coping it? Is it what? I HAVE NO CLUE BUT IT IS EATING ME ALIVE. “ HELP ME PLEASEEEEE! =/ .

 

I shouldn't be talking about the problem I should be talking about what I can do. a.) Adivce, how to refill myself fully. b.) How to treat my g/f now on the way she is treating me. c.) anything else..... help.....