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Study on Dating and Paying for Meals:


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I was browsing the news and came across this interesting piece of information:

 

 

“A 2018 study found that 65% of British women prefer to pay on the first date, while a similarly timed study of American singles by the dating company Match found that 72% of women thought men should pay.”

 

 

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/jun/26/ethical-woman-date-man-free-dinner-foodie-call

 

Why are American women different from their British counterparts?

 

Puritans! lol

Edited by Logo
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Seems to me many women will pay their share on the first date when she has no romantic interest in the man whatsoever...

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I too find it weird that Americans put so much stress on who's paying.

 

I'm a woman and I prefer paying at least my share of the bill and it has nothing to do with my level of interest in my date.

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I've lived in the US for several years and I'm now back in Europe and dating here (not GB though). Dating couldn't be more different here than it is over there. I have the impression that Americans obsess over things that nobody is even aware of over here. Nobody cares about who's paying. I usually just pay for what I had and once in a while a guy will be like "Let me get that." But I wouldn't even notice if he didn't, because it's so common. In the US the guys always offered to pay. I prefer it the way it is here tbh. Why should a man I don't even know very well pay for my meal? But also... why should a man I do know very well pay for it. Unless it's my birthday or anything like that ... then even I can fully enjoy being treated to a meal ;)

 

Same with the first sex question btw. Big deal in America, nobody really cares over here. When you want to have sex, you have sex. It doesn't really say anything about you as a person and about where the relationship is headed.

 

But I still can't say that dating is easier over here and there are a lot of things I liked better in America. People are generally more outgoing in the US and it's more common to just chat to people you meet on the street. I was asked out frequently over there ... even in random places like the supermarket. That would NEVER EVER happen here. People are so reserved and without OLD, I wouldn't be dating at all :mad: So that is something I definitely miss.

 

But that doesn't have anything to do with your original question. Sorry Logo!

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littleblackheart

At a guess, because money is an obvious marker of success in a culture that puts financial success over any other.

 

A guy pays to show his success - or he feels he has to pay to give the impression of success. A woman who wants a financially successful guy will be expecting that.

 

if he doesn't pay (because he has no interest in the woman he's dating, or he's an egalitarian, or he shows affection in other ways than paying for stuff to people he doesn't know), he's not only considered unsuccessful or tight, he is also considered uncaring (even if he is actually financially secure but has other priorities). Because caring = spending money.

 

It's strange that multidating is also encouraged, which is at odds with the 'traditional mindset' that a guy has to provide. The 'provider' does that for one woman in his lifetime (or at least a very small handful) traditionally, and said woman would only accept to be 'provided for' by one guy at a time, yet some still multidate and expect the guy to pay regardless of level of interest by either party.

 

At least now there are dating websites catering to that sort of thing; those who want to pay and those who want to be paid for can meet on there, and leave those who play it by ear to themselves.

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I've lived in the US for several years and I'm now back in Europe and dating here (not GB though). Dating couldn't be more different here than it is over there. I have the impression that Americans obsess over things that nobody is even aware of over here. Nobody cares about who's paying.....

 

Same here, can't believe the stuff banged on about in forums, well if that's anything to go on anyway.

Here 95% of it would not even come up or be thought about, l'm like just wtf.

l'd really , really, hate to be a single person over there, but eh , maybe it's just hard cases in forums, the problem childs and neurotics , dunno. But that's all l have to go on.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Seems to me many women will pay their share on the first date when she has no romantic interest in the man whatsoever...

 

Most of the women that I have had sex with, from the first through the third date. Paid their share, or for the whole lot on the first date.

 

For example one woman who I only met briefly the night before, asked me out on a date. Then picked me up in her car for dinner and a movie that she paid for. Before she took me back to her place for sex afterwards.

 

Through my experience of dating women in Australia. Most people haven't cared about who pays or when people have sex either.

 

Likewise having dated/had sex with and married, women of different nationalities, races and ethnic backgrounds, except for women from North America. It just hasn't been an issue for me at all.

 

Plus my close to 19 year old son, who lives at home and is a broke full-time university student. Who has no trouble attracting young women and dating, in his experience who pays varies with it not being an issue at all.

 

At the end of the day I expect dating in Australia, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and mainland Europe. Is generally probably a lot easier than dating in North America.

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Americans think that their sh*t doesn't smell. They also don't realize that European nations have been around for thousands of years

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It really depends. If it's a first meet up or a date with a stranger, then it should be dutch. I think most are comfortable with that. If you have known each other for awhile, and it's has finally come to a first date, IMO it's who has done the asking out should pay. When I asked a guy out for drinks or what ever I wouldn't have it any other way, that I pay. Some guys got weird about it because of the custom of guys pays was so drilled into their head. But everyone is different. We have had woman on here that insist a man pays...just their view, but it's not every woman's view.

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Americans think that their sh*t doesn't smell. They also don't realize that European nations have been around for thousands of years
...and we Americans think that description fits their attitude or worse. It hasn't been thousands,...closer to one thousand, they came out of the fall of Rome when it broke up. Their cultures collapsing and dying faster than ours in the US. So I'm not taking my "coaching" from them as if they are the authority.
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Interesting posts-Laura in particular,

 

hmmn I must definitely have been doing something wrong,

 

be it Irish, British, Italian, Hungarian,Polish, American, Mexican, Brazilian, Chinese, I have almost always ended up paying for the dates,

 

I was always happy to I suppose,

 

current one-Malaysian- she pays her way it has to be said- maybe this is the one.

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I too find it weird that Americans put so much stress on who's paying.
It isn't about money. It is about responsibilities, roles, and principles. If I invite a woman out to dinner it is on me to pay, particularly if we are not "in a relationship" yet. Later on when in an actual relationship we may go do more expensive activities and then sharing the cost is fine and enables us to be able to afford to do more expensive things, and such events are probably both of our idea and planned it together. This is a greatly different thing than me just inviting a woman I barely know yet out to dinner.

 

I have allowed women to pay their half if they strongly insisted, and I didn't argue with them about it. But I also didn't invite them out for a second date.

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Puritans! lol
Puritans were British, and came to the US from Britain,...and they didn't last that long after the got here.
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littleblackheart
I have allowed women to pay their half if they strongly insisted, and I didn't argue with them about it. But I also didn't invite them out for a second date

 

Yikes...

 

Tbf, I think the OP is about what women do or don't do, not what men are allowing them to do.

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I looked up surveys on other cultures, and apparently what people "are OK with" is not how things necessarily turn out, so perhaps it's not the best measure. :laugh:

 

 

From https://japantoday.com/category/features/lifestyle/survey-investigates-how-japanese-women-feel-about-going-dutch-on-a-date about Japanese dating:

 

But while many of the women in the survey said they’re OK with going Dutch, when the survey asked the 18,029 men how things actually shake out on their dates, the result showed that even splits aren’t all that common, as the guys described the way their bills are settled as:

● I pay for everything: 52 percent

● I pay more than half: 38 percent

● We split the bill evenly: 6 percent

● She pays for everything or more than half: 1 percent

● Other: 3 percent

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Puritans were British, and came to the US from Britain,...and they didn't last that long after the got here.

 

 

 

As one famous Puritan - Benjamin Franklin - once said, “Time is money” and I don’t have time to debate this trifling matter. lol

Edited by Logo
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loversquarrel
Seems to me many women will pay their share on the first date when she has no romantic interest in the man whatsoever...

 

Clearly conjecture...

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In the link you gave, the study was not done by Match. It was done by Money magazine. And they surveyed women of all ages, not all single. They polled people on the internet and it is not clear at all whether the respondents were Americans. We only know they read... MONEY ... magazine, ok?

 

The survey of Brits was done by a dating site, and the women were single, 18-30. So there are a lot of factors to account for the discrepancy besides nationality.

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littleblackheart

I realise upon re-read my first post that it was needlessly politically charged. Apologies to those who took offence, it was a bit too harsh in hindsight (though having been to the USA a few times, I agree with the previous poster who talked about how often this 'who pays what' issue crops up). I may have been swayed by one entitled post too many on LS (that's not a great excuse, I know):o

 

To attempt to redeem myself, here is the abstract of a comprehensive academic Sage study based on 17 000 single straight Americans, and published in 2015. It deals with the dating process in general rather than the first dates, but it still sheds some light on current social trends.

 

Chivalry dictates that on a “date,” the man pays, whereas egalitarian ideals suggest that gender should not determine who pays. We examined the extent to which people embrace or reject these competing notions. Unmarried heterosexual participants (N = 17,607) reported their behaviors and attitudes regarding who does and who should pay for dates on a survey posted on NBCNews.com. Although most men (74%) and women (83%) report that both members of the couple contribute to dating expenses after dating for 6 months, most men (84%) and women (58%) reported that men still pay more expenses. Many women (39%) wished men would reject their offers to pay and 44% of women were bothered when men expected women to help pay. Many women, however, were bothered when men won’t accept their money (40%). Nearly two thirds of men (64%) believed that women should contribute and nearly half of men (44%) said they would stop dating a woman who never pays. Nevertheless, the majority of men said they feel guilty when accepting women’s money (76%). These data illustrate how many people are resisting or conforming to traditional gender norms in one telling aspect of dating that historically was related to the male’s displaying benevolent sexism, dominance, and ability to fulfill breadwinner role during courtship.

 

The study itself is worth a read, for those who are interested.

Edited by littleblackheart
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I think the OP is about what women do or don't do, not what men are allowing them to do.

Can't have one without the other. Trying to make the conversation that narrow never works, particularly on this subject.

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Clearly conjecture...

...and usually true.

 

Being "Conjecture" doesn't make it wrong. If you take a test and "guess" on the answers and get them right,...you still got them right.

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Getting invited out on a date by a guy and then insisting on paying for your half of it is like getting a birthday or Christmas gift and then insisting to pay back the person for the cost of the gift. It is an insult to the person offering it to you.

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littleblackheart
Can't have one without the other. Trying to make the conversation that narrow never works, particularly on this subject.

 

It's not narrowing the conversation than to simply put it there than women have their own agency. A guy 'allowing' me to do anything is the one narrowing things down.

 

This doesn't need to be a gender thing. But it is.

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crispytoast

If I'm expected to pay for everything on a first date, I lose my interest. I live an expensive lifestyle and I want a partner who is at least somewhat financially equal to me. Women want to be equal yet want to be coddled. Still expect men to chase, still expect men to pay, but complain about gender roles and patriarchal society. Am I the only one who finds this ironic?

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