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Should I have just kept my mouth shut?


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Hi, I gave my friend some advice and am wondering if I should have just kept my mouth shut and staid out of it. Here's the story. He's divorced and in his late 40s. After the divorce, he met someone and they really hit it off and liked each other (she is divorced also). They had been seeing each other for about a year. He wanted to spend more time with her but she has young children and said that she wouldn't commit to a really serious relationship because of her kids. He didn't have a problem with this at first but eventually he told her that he was going to end it but "when she was ready, he would like to resume the relationship". Well, he waited and nothing really happened. This was about a year ago. He said that he loved her and she loved him...move ahed to about 5 months ago. (She had gone on dates with other guys - nothing serious she said) He started seeing someone else and they hit it off pretty well. He said that he really liked being with her...but...he couldn't shake the feelings he had for the other woman. He talked to me about it. He said that he believed that the other woman still has feelings for him. He said that he feels it is not fair to the person he's seeing now to keep the relationship going if he still has strong feelings for the other woman. He said that he wanted to give the current relationship some time to see if he could lose the feelings he had for the other woman...but he hasn't. He asked me if I thought that he should end the relationship with the current person even if the other relationship may not resume. I told him to follow his gut feeling and whether the former relationship would rekindle or not it is not fair to both of you (the current woman) if you have stronger feelings for someone else when your seeing someone and that he should end the current relationship. Well, he is going to end the current relationship and see what happens with the other. Soooo, my question is - did I give bad advice? Should I have kept my mouth shut and stay out of it? I was just trying to help and told him what I would do if I was him. Thoughts?

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I told him to follow his gut feeling and whether the former relationship would rekindle or not it is not fair to both of you (the current woman) if you have stronger feelings for someone else when your seeing someone and that he should end the current relationship.

 

Seems like safe, common sense advice.

 

Why the concern?

 

Mr. Lucky

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He asked for your input. You gave it. You didn't hold a gun to his head & make him bend to your will. He has made a choice & it's all his responsibility to guide the direction of his life. You were one factor not the deciding factor.

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Well, he is going to end the current relationship and see what happens with the other. Soooo, my question is - did I give bad advice? Should I have kept my mouth shut and stay out of it? I was just trying to help and told him what I would do if I was him. Thoughts?

 

He had already made the decision. You simply validated it for him.

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You gave excellent advice. He's the master of his life, he had to choice to listen to this advice or not, he did not break up the relationship because you told him to, he simply agreed with your advice.

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Seems like safe, common sense advice.

 

Why the concern?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I think I was just second guessing myself as to how much I should say. Sometimes people don't always want to hear the truth:)

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Beendaredonedat
I think I was just second guessing myself as to how much I should say. Sometimes people don't always want to hear the truth:)

 

You would be a lousy friend if you didn't give him the truth.

 

Personally I think he's wasting his time with the first chick but he sure as shootin shouldn't be using other women to help him get over her or while he is still hung up on her.

 

I would have told him what you told him and I would have added the caveat that he not date anyone while he's waiting with baited breath for

Ms-I'm-Not-Ready-For-A-Relationship.

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Yes echoing your advice seems fair enough,

 

sometimes too though the old adage " a shut mouth catches no flies" can be the best approach,

 

that way you would not have the recriminations that you are having.

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When I hear he can't get the first woman off of his mind. The thing that pops into my mind is that he more visually attracted to the other woman.

 

I also don't buy that woman #1 can't commit because of kids. Unless there is some major cross country move from one of them. Kids can be handled well.

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