Older guy friend keeps freaking out

[JKM]

I made it clear right from the beginning, that i was not interested in dating or having a relationship. I am a very busy person that always has lots on the go. He said he was fine with that. We agreed to be friends. We text back and forth randomly, but that is it. I really like him as a “friend “ we get along great and have greats conversations. However..... a few times now, i have felt attacked for no reason. For example, this past weekend he was going to a family wedding. I knew he would be busy with family, and did not want to impose, so i did not text him much that weekend, but i still did text him.

Monday hits and i get a snide text saying “ you are doing it again “.

I ask “sorry, what am i going?”

He then texts “we chat a lot and then you stop or chat infrequently “

I reply... “ and vise versa ?”

Then i get a diatribe text, of him stating that he has sent double the texts i did with no reply till the next day often and on and on about if this is just casual chit chat then its fine...blah blah

 

Ummm YEAH...! It was made clear several times by me that it will be only chit chat between us! So.. what the heck?

I was shocked by this and did not know what to say...so replied “Wow ( shocked face)” and thats it.

 

Then i get a “ i over expect maybe “

Followed by a series of more of his texts ....

“its been fun but our graph is pretty flat”

“ not even a reply or care to look in. Wow. I get it”

And lastly... “I am out “.

 

This is not the first time he has gotten pissy....and for no good reason.

He has gone off on me a few times before.

 

Really liked the friendship.....but since i hardly know this man....my gut instincts are saying..... TROUBLE and RUN for the hills.

 

Whats up with this older guy?

Is he just looking for someone to fight with?

That is becoming my impression.

 

Just curious what everyone else thinks.

 

Also was wondering what everyones thoughts are on how to deal with this guy.

Try to resolve? Just ignore? Give him a piece of my mind?

 

Not sure if i can keep a friendship with someone childish. And...this all seems very childish to me.

Edited June 20, 2019 by JKM

[Orokotikki]

Run, he's a creeper not a keeper!

[Michelle ma Belle]

How exactly can you "enjoy the friendship" when you just admitted to "hardly knowing" this guy?

 

There is no friendship.

 

Block and delete.

 

Pretty simple.

[salparadise]

I find it curious that you picked some random guy that you have no interest in and declared friendship. Do you have mutual interests, mutual friends, anything in common at all? What were you hoping to get out of this?

 

It's apparent that he developed expectations and then was butt-hurt when you slowed down on the texting. I'm guessing that he was either hoping to turn it into more than friends, or maybe he's just desperate for human contact.

 

Either way, it seems like you don't like the guy... so why are you engaging him in the first place?

[Mr. Lucky]

Older guy friend keeps freaking out

 

His age is immaterial as there is no expiration date on childish behavior and immaturity. Have to agree with Michelle, what's to like about his passive/aggressive communications?

 

Unless you're starved for attention, I'd guess there's many better uses for your time. I'd respond to his "I'm am out" with a heartfelt "bye"...

 

Mr. Lucky

[chillii]

Yeah , l go with mr lucky.

But jesus talk about maintenance . l know you said you enjoy the convo and friendship for it's goods but when you have this kinda bs thrown at you with it , well , who needs it.

[preraph]

There are exceptions, but most men are not looking to be "just friends," and he certainly isn't. His resentment is building because he's trying to be more and feeling put down because you aren't falling for his charms. This isn't going to last, so you may as well pull the plug. He's an orbiter at this point and if there comes a time, you DO want a different man, this one will scare him off pretending to be your bf.

[JKM]

Good lord.....i am way too old for this s***

Lol

[Scarlett.O'hara]

To be fair, going by the message exchange, it sounds like you pick a choose when you respond, which I think would frustrate most people. His age is irrelevant.

 

You had the perfect opening to clarify things when he questioned, "I over expect maybe". All you had to say was, "I don't want to give you the wrong idea by texting too much. It would be normal if we were in a relationship, but we aren't. That isn't what I want, I'm sorry."

 

If that made you feel uncomfortable, you could have gone with a more passive, "Sorry, I think you might have got the wrong idea", and left it at that.

 

Personally, I think leaving him hanging without a clear response (an emoji doesn't count) was just rude. Clearly he has developed feelings for you. He just needed you to set him straight. By not responding, that was bound to make him more upset. He isn't being irrational, he's just expressing frustration at lack of communication and rejection.

 

Someone you claim to be your friend doesn't deserve to be ghosted and ignored like that. It's uncool.

[JKM]

Scarlet, thanks for your post.

 

As this was not the first time this has happened with this guy, and for no good reason, just out of the blue, that is why i let him vent it out.

Why feed fire with fire?

 

To clarify, this is a new friendship, about two months.

He asked me to exchange phone numbers.

We met each other through colleagues at work.

He was told a few times that i was not looking for a relationship. He said he understood that and was fine.

The texting between us both was very random and there was no expectations on my part.

 

Next time, should i say no to phone number exchange to anyone who asks?

 

I don't consider myself a rude person at all. Just don't like confrontation and dealing with drama, that comes from nowhere. Not my thing.

Edited June 21, 2019 by JKM

[Orokotikki]

For a creeper, "not looking for a relationship" doesn't rule out sex at all.

[Mr. Lucky]

Next time, should i say no to phone number exchange to anyone who asks?

 

I wouldn't say this, but I would be quick to disconnect if such exchange devolved into obviously different agendas. You talk because the discourse is supposed to be enjoyable, right? So far, doesn't sound like much fun...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Gretchen12]

Some people get upset easily. I was having email exchanges with a married man but we had only talked about baseball and auto racing. Then I got busy and did not keep up with the back and forth emails. He got really upset so I was like WHOA! I don't think so! That was the end of it.

You said this guy has done it before. Now you must not let him back. You were right not to respond because he was clearly looking for a text-fight.

[JKM]

Thanks Gretchen!

Im happy to be able to relate to others who have been through the same or similar.

 

I still have not responded and don't plan on it.

Three times.... and i am also out.

Im not into being ripped on for no good reason.

He can go chat with someone else.

[chillii]

Persona;ly l go with this stuff too.

These things don't usually last anyway somem always happens. But me l'm not into explaining myself every 5mins over bs l expect people to "think" , too, and if they're too lazy for that then fk it.

[salparadise]

Next time, should i say no to phone number exchange to anyone who asks?

 

I don't consider myself a rude person at all. Just don't like confrontation and dealing with drama, that comes from nowhere. Not my thing.

 

Next time, when some guy asks for your number you should realize that his motivation is probably not to invite you to a Tupperware party.

 

This guy had designs from the beginning, as evidenced by your need to warn him (several times) that you weren't interested. Otherwise, why would you even mention it? So you inform him and continue engaging in whatever kind of banter lead him to believe he was making headway... while having expectations of your own with respect to who's sittin' atop the totem pole and who should be accepting of the fact that he's on the bottom.

 

The thing that's irritating you is that he didn't accept the position of the lower status half and called you out for not maintaining the established pattern. You're thinking WTF... he's out of line; who is he to presume he has a right to expect anything; I already established my position of dominance by stating my terms and the rules of engagement. In other words, this was destined to fail from the outset because of misaligned agendas.

 

So the question still remains, the one you've thus far avoided... what were YOU hoping to get out of this relationship (yes, relationship). Something made it important to you to start a thread and express your outrage, otherwise you'd simply snip the cord at the first sign of drama and that would be it, no big deal.

 

If you want platonic friends, I'd suggest trying same-sex units, especially since you're of the gender that flocks together more easily. However, if you like orbiters, having many at once will ensure their expendability and enhance your status and control.

[The Outlaw]

If he can’t accept the fact that you have a life of your own and your world doesn’t revolve around him, end the ‘friendship’. Listen to your gut on this one. He’s bad news.

[dispatch3d]

uhhh this guy likes you as more than a friend. I doubt that will change and you probably cannot be friends, but do as you will.