Dating post divorce

[Lotus_Luna]

When are most men/women ready to date after a divorce? Say the marriage was dead year prior...

 

6-12 months?

[Gaeta]

Rule of thumb, it will take a person 25% of the time invested in the relationship to get over it. There are exceptions if you are the dumper or the dumpee. Some people take longer, some less.

 

 

Example: I had been unhappy in my 15 year marriage for many years when I left. Our divorce was like a liberation. I did not even shed a tear. I was ready to date early. My second relationship lasted 4 years, he cheated, I was devastated, it took me 3 years to get over it after our break up.

 

 

 

 

.

Edited June 19, 2019 by Gaeta

[alphamale]

Rule of thumb, it will take a person 25% of the time invested in the relationship to get over it..

 

I've heard many times it is 100%?

[Lotus_Luna]

Rule of thumb, it will take a person 25% of the time invested in the relationship to get over it. There are exceptions if you are the dumper or the dumpee. Some people take longer, some less.

 

 

Example: I had been unhappy in my 15 year marriage for many years when I left. Our divorce was like a liberation. I did not even shed a tear. I was ready to date early. My second relationship lasted 4 years, he cheated, I was devastated, it took me 3 years to get over it after our break up.

 

 

 

 

.

 

My marriage is much like yours. Emotionally I am soo done. But there will be a time period of healing and processing.

 

I woukd imagine walking away from a dead and toxic relationship takes less time then being left in one you were happy in.

[Lotus_Luna]

I've heard many times it is 100%?

 

I dont think so at all...

[central]

I left after 24 years. The marriage was dead for years before that, but I wasn't able to give up and leave - it took time to make and implement the decision. My first date was two weeks after I moved out - I was ready that quickly, and had actually been ready for a year or two prior to leaving.

 

IMO most people need a few weeks to a couple of years to be ready to move on in a healthy way. Much depends on who left, the reasons why, and the amount of time living with serious problems before splitting up. The length of the relationship does play a role, but is just another variable, and may have more to do with how complex it is to unwind lives that were interwoven.

[loversquarrel]

I started dating before it was over.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Married 20 years.

 

Like most on here, it was over long before I actually walked out the door. I initiated the ending of our marriage.

 

We parted ways amicably with zero drama and are still great friends 10 years post-divorce.

 

That being said, I didn't actually date again until 18 months later. I tried to do it straight away but realized pretty quickly that I still had some work to do on myself before I could be in another relationship. I also wanted to make sure my children were okay and help with their transition. Being preoccupied with dating felt wildly selfish and just didn't seem appropriate.

 

Everyone is different.

 

The bottom line is you shouldn't date unless and until you have worked through your issues. The last thing you want and need is to take old baggage into a new relationship. Some people don't have a lot to process while others need years.

Edited June 19, 2019 by Michelle ma Belle

[alphamale]

I was married for 3.5 years. Even though I initiated the divorce it still took me 2-3 years to recover emotionally. Thank God we didn't have kids

[Orokotikki]

When I was on road to divorce, my therapist advised to wait 1 month for each year of the relationship. Seemed pretty reasonable to me.

[Kitty Tantrum]

I was married to my ex-husband for 7 years before we separated, and I got into what I kinda knew was an ill-advised rebound relationship pretty much right away, was not surprised when it ended, and was in another serious relationship less than a year after the separation.

 

Emotionally I was plenty ready to be attached again. But for all the same reasons I was so eager to run screaming from my marriage, I was in no position to make good objective decisions.

 

The timeline is fuzzy in retrospect, but I wanna say it was about three years after our separation (divorce had been finalized for maybe a year or so) before I finally started getting my head on straight again. Then I realized that the man I was dating, in spite of being completely stupid in love with him, and him being very kind to me, wasn't actually good for me. That sucked. I felt like an absolute jerk breaking up with him.

[alphamale]

I felt like an absolute jerk breaking up with him.

 

**** happens KT

[FMW]

I was married 23 years, it was dead for several years prior to the official end. I immediately got involved with someone else and fell madly in love and after 3 years was ghosted.

 

That was a year ago. The three years has been much harder to get over than the 23 years, probably because it was my choice to end the 23 years. I was heartbroken when I was ghosted after the 3 years.

 

I'm still very gun shy about getting involved with anyone.

 

Every case is different. You'll know when you're ready, don't worry about following a schedule.

[amaysngrace]

I was married for nine years and started dating almost immediately after the divorce was final.

 

I checked out of the marriage a year and a half before we got divorced.

[chillii]

yEAh not a big believer in rushing into it and haven't seen much good eventuate from it either, not in the long run it's even in this thread. Running themselves over the coals trying to meet someone or getting into some 2 or 3yr thing that usually just leaves you in an even worse state from what l've seen, no brainer really.

l took 3yrs to even consider it myself, around then l found myself thinking and feeling again , like the possibility of someone new. l started noticing women again and slowly started to enjoy that again and thinking about someone new.

 

And l think that's the time key myself , you will start to feel it again, before that the thought made me sick so l went with that until further notice.

When you honestly start to just feel like it again, your probably near ready.

Could be 1 yr 3 or 10 whatever , but you'll feel it.

Edited June 20, 2019 by chillii

[2.50 a gallon]

I was married a whole 6 months, when I caught her cheating. It destroyed me, and I fell into a dark bottomless pit. Then about 2 weeks later I looked up to see this pretty face asking me if I wanted to come out and play.

So I got back into the dating game rather quickly.

BUT!

I was finished with love. We could date, we could have fun, but the second I thought she was getting serious I was gone

And that lasted another 14 years

[chillii]

Pretty rough man sorry , long time ago now at least though l suppose so.

But eh , so what happened after the 14yrs ?

[DKT3]

I don't believe there is a standard. Many people go into marriage with one foot and never truly invest. I imagine those people would move on fairly quickly despite the number of years spent in the marriage. Other do go in with both feet but then check out long before they divorce, again I dont think that it will be long for them.

 

On the flipside, I believe some have the floor ripped from underneath and free fall for awhile until they are in a position to date.

 

With OP, my honest opinion is she will be dating right away, already have been, right? So I guess I a little confused by the question from her.

[2.50 a gallon]

chillii

 

 

I was in my early 30's and my lines were well polished. So my sex life took off.

My Creedo was "I am a rock, I am an island". I had a great life, I could do what I wanted with whomever I wanted and whenever I wanted and had no one to answer to. I was never lonely

One night I met the long legged blonde, but she had a boy friend. No problem, some day he will make a mistake and we will go out and I will get my roll in the hay. It took a couple of years.

Second date, first kiss, my mighty walls collapsed, I went home that night realizing what a lonely life I was living. We've now been together coming up on 23 or 24 years.

[chillii]

Haaaa, love a happy ending.

[BaileyB]

My partner was “so done” with his marriage... it still took him 3.5 years after separation, 1.5 years after the divorce was final. They had been married for 13 years.

[alphamale]

My partner was “so done” with his marriage... it still took him 3.5 years after separation, 1.5 years after the divorce was final. They had been married for 13 years.

 

that sounds about right BB

[Curiousroxy86]

Date when you feel like dating

 

If you don’t feel like dating then don’t

 

To me it’s a decision that is entirely up to you and I think you should determine the length of time you want to take

 

You can always take a break from dating and start again when you want to

 

Your choice

 

I do think it is wise to take time to get to know yourself, learn from your mistakes, and figure out what you want and where you trying to go, and also learn about the opposite sex (or same sex if that’s your thing) and learn about /dating/relationships depending on what you want to do

 

But how you take the time is also up to you. You can choose to be single while doing it or choose to date while doing it. Because dating is just opening yourself up to meeting new people, establishing a connection whenever that happens. People dont try to meet people 24 hours out of their day so thats plenty of time to reflect and learn whenever you choose to.

[Lotus_Luna]

I don't believe there is a standard. Many people go into marriage with one foot and never truly invest. I imagine those people would move on fairly quickly despite the number of years spent in the marriage. Other do go in with both feet but then check out long before they divorce, again I dont think that it will be long for them.

 

On the flipside, I believe some have the floor ripped from underneath and free fall for awhile until they are in a position to date.

 

With OP, my honest opinion is she will be dating right away, already have been, right? So I guess I a little confused by the question from her.

 

 

Question isnt for me.

 

Currently not dating, I mentioned earlier the affair ended.

[Mysterio]

Married 20 years.

 

The bottom line is you shouldn't date unless and until you have worked through your issues. The last thing you want and need is to take old baggage into a new relationship. Some people don't have a lot to process while others need years.

 

I wish my friend's partner would have done that and gotten legally divorced from her ex Husband before she decided to get with my friend. 6 yrs later. She is still not divorced yet. I don't know why her ex can't go along with the divorce. There is no custody issues and the ex has a live-in GF. He is the one that split them up in the first place. So I don't understand what he has to gain by being legally tied to her.