King Bowls Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 I know I should be pursuing activities I enjoy (in order to move on) instead of revisiting the same crap again and lighting the fire again. But I feel I need more answers. I will try to keep this post on the shorter side. I started talking to this new girl on tinder about two weeks ago or so. We began messaging as soon as we matched, and it was only a few days later or so that we met for the first time (which I believe was last Wednesday). I went to her house that day and stayed over for a few hours. We talked, watched game of thrones, made out a few times, and had a pretty good night. We continued to text each day until Tuesday, where we went on a date at a restaurant nearby. It was another good time, and we hugged and kissed before leaving in the parking lot. THAT removed any doubt I had that she was not interested. We continue to talk and text days later, leading up to yesterday, Friday. I messaged her in the morning, and things seemed fine. I then asked if she was still free that night (we had talked about Friday night on the Tuesday date), she then sent this long text about how she values honesty and revealed that she had been talking to a guy and was going to see him out of town Saturday. She told me Monday she was going out of town, but at the time said it was to go see a friend. And she had already made plans with friends to go out Friday night. She said, “I think you’re great so we can still be friends if you want” That line above was the killer. You lead me on and bring me to this point, and all you can say is we can be friends if you want? It sounded to me like she didn’t even care to be friends that much. It really, really hurt. The whole thing was smoke and mirrors. Here’s why below it hurts even worse now... We shared so much in common. I was telling friends and family that I had finally met someone who I felt attracted to and was far and away more interested in building a relationship than sex. I felt it inside. Some of what we shared in common- 1. Loved the same music. Our favorite band was the exact same, Led Zeppelin. 2. She loved to learn and seemed smart. She was also ambitious, as she revealed she had interests in law school on the Tuesday night date. 3. We like the same TV series 4. She likes sports, and actually attended some of the Texas A&M games that I had gone to in 2010-2012. I was hoping this would have lasted long enough for us to watch games together in the fall. So now, I don’t even want to hear any Led Zeppelin now, as much as I love them. I have a picture of me and a former player at the Texas A&M - Nebraska 2010 game, she was at that game. That picture is on my wall and I see it every day. Also, I don’t want to watch any more game of thrones or breaking bad because she liked those shows too, and the last time I watched both shows was at her house the night I met her. And she works nearby the area I work, I drive by her work area every day as part of my route to work, and she’s only 10 minutes or so away. It also bothers me some guy out there is looking forward to seeing her today, while I’ve been roasted. I’ll add more details as requested or needed, but I am having a really hard time moving on. I truly felt there was something there, there was a real attraction (me being attracted to her, I don’t know what she really felt), and all of the sudden it falls apart. It’s analogous to having a brand new car you love and enjoy, and then after two weeks you total it. And now you have nothing to drive. It was short and sweet. The ending was sudden and expected. I had high hopes for it. This whole thing unfolded yesterday morning at work, and it ruined the rest of my day. I wanted to go home and be away from everyone. I didn’t want to look or talk to anybody. I wanted to physically destroy something. And I had to hold myself back from crying three times, and that dam finally broke and I did so this morning. How do I move on from this? I am leaving for vacation a week to today, I want this crap out of my head by then. It’s our annual trip that means a lot to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author King Bowls Posted June 15, 2019 Author Share Posted June 15, 2019 I apologize for the essay, I felt in order to get the best feedback, I needed to provide the details that I believe matter. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 Drama much? You have known this girl for 2 freakin' weeks. Yes, it sucks when you like somebody & really feel like you clicked but it doesn't work out. I know you are a sensitive soul who wears his heart on his sleeve & you are a giving person but you gotta reign it in. You loved & lost. It happens. You will live to love again. Hang in there. You can wallow all weekend if you want but come Monday you better be ready to put yourself out there again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 So after two weeks and a couple of dates, your "heart has been crushed to dust"?? WTF?? Look dating is basically "guerilla warfare" (until you establish a relationship). You need to have thicker skin if you are going to date. Don't get so invested, so early. And yes... the "let's be friends" line is the death knell. My response (to that) has always been, "No thank you, I have enough friends". My advice... Grab a shower and go down to your local pub and try to find "Miss Right for tonight". The quicker you wash this woman/experience out of your system, the better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 You have got to stop yourself from getting your hopes up that soon. That's a lot of high hopes for two weeks. I understand about hope. I've lived on it and nothing more. But it isn't a good habit to get into. You didn't click with her on some level. (Did you try to get her interested in your feet by any chance?) This one didn't work out. There's plenty of women who love Led Zeppelin and Game of Thrones. Keep trying. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 Better it happened now than later. Developing feelings early on or being too invested is never a good idea. It's better to remain optimistic, but don't get your hopes up. It's worked for me. She's done you a favor. She didn't want a relationship with you. Just brush her off the best you can and get back out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 It’s so difficult not to attach when we think we’ve found an ideal match. It was too early for you to have those feelings but I’ve done it too, so I understand. I think the best way to deal with a unicorn’s departure is to keep reminding yourself that you hadn’t really gotten to know each other yet so you don’t truly know if you two were a great match. You'd read only the first chapter of the book. It was a good chapter- maybe a great chapter!- but not the whole book. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 I am leaving for vacation a week to today, I want this crap out of my head by then. good luck with that KB Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 Time is the best medicine. is it really about the girl (met on tinder 2 weeks ago?) or your ego? and thinking there is no greener pasture? I know how you feel. I probably would have reacted the same way in the past, because I have an ego and naive and tend to idealize things. Now, I probably will do a bit better. it's great to vent on forum because detached outsiders will be able to give different perspectives. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 I started talking to this new girl on tinder I really didn't read much further. Do you think she's on a hook-up website looking for fidelity, true love and romantic fulfillment? KB, I go to Starbucks looking for coffee. She's on Tinder for an equally specific purpose. Unless you're just wanting to get laid, time to get smarter about your search parameters... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 I really didn't read much further. Do you think she's on a hook-up website looking for fidelity, true love and romantic fulfillment? KB, I go to Starbucks looking for coffee. She's on Tinder for an equally specific purpose. Unless you're just wanting to get laid, time to get smarter about your search parameters... Mr. Lucky I don’t use tinder but it seems like based on this forum a lot of girls use it wanting a relationship with the guys they date from there...so though it may be a hookup app I feel like many people use it for dating in general including those who want to be in a relationship. I could totally be wrong though Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 You move on by moving on. My suggestion would be to open up Tinder and find a few more bones to jump. You probably won't feel so much for the next few AND THAT'S OKAY. Use protection (of course). Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 King Bowls, if there was one lesson I learned as a teen - it’s that hugs and kisses (or more) don’t mean that someone is interested in romance or a relationship. As much as the early stages are exciting and feel great, don’t allow your expectations to rise this quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 17, 2019 Share Posted June 17, 2019 King Bowls, if there was one lesson I learned as a teen - it’s that hugs and kisses (or more) don’t mean that someone is interested in romance or a relationship. As much as the early stages are exciting and feel great, don’t allow your expectations to rise this quickly. this^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted June 17, 2019 Share Posted June 17, 2019 That guy she went to see is probably her ex. She used you to get over him, then he contacted her and she dropped you. So don't go dating girls now to get over this one. Don't do to someone else what she did to you. When someone is looking to fill a void like she was, she can really give you the works and sell you a dream of that great relationship. So don't beat yourself up over having fallen for it hard. It happens. The pain should be gone in about a month. That's not so bad, is it? A few years ago I was upset over the end of a short but what seemed to be promising relationship. I couldn't look at the stuff he gave me, but after a few months I was fine using those items. And now I can't remember his last name. I tried to think but I just can't remember. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author King Bowls Posted June 17, 2019 Author Share Posted June 17, 2019 Thank you everyone so much for your help and input. That is something I have really valued on this forum ever since I joined in 2012. Despite the short time-frame, this has been tough. I will get back to each of you on here tonight and give you guys an update on my current state of mind. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted June 17, 2019 Share Posted June 17, 2019 Unlucky mate, you gave it a good shot but on this occasion she opted for the other guy, happens to us all, back on the horse and try again, you still enjoyed it. Link to post Share on other sites
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