pinkttulips5 Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 (edited) We (my finance' and I) recently moved from FL to PA and now live closer to my cousin. She comes over about 3 times a week to hangout for a bit, which was fine at first. But, I noticed a few months back that if my finance' is not in the room, but occupied in the garage or somewhere else, she sits and talks to me. But as soon as he comes in... BOOM she ignores me and follows him around talking his ear off, has her back to me and its like i'm not even there. It makes him feel uncomfortable and said to stand by him next time she does it. This has happened more than once since we've been here. Next scenerio... over a month ago she came over with her 7 year old daughter who had a cute shirt on with a cute saying and my finance' mentioned how cute it was and was teasing her saying he wanted one, etc.. so a few weeks ago, my cousin told me that she found that same shirt in men's sizes and her daughter wanted her to buy it for my finance'. So she did and brought it over the other day with her daughter. She tried handing it to her daughter to hand to my finance' and her daughter kept giving it back to her. She then told her daughter that "you're the one who wanted to get it for him" and her daughter told her "no mommy, you're the one, I didnt even know you got it until today" So, I thought hmmmm... A little about my cousin... she is living with a man she plans to marry, this is her step daughter. This man is controlling and for the most part she is not happy. Even though she is not really happy, she has no plans to leave him. My finance' has no interest in her, I am not even worried about him, but it does bother me that she is disrespectful to me to act like that, especially in my own house. OR is it just my imagination and I shouldn't feel any kind of way? Which brings me to my question which is, should I say something to her? Or should I not cause waves. Edited June 8, 2019 by pinkttulips5 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 If you trust your partner and he's not showing her any interest then I don't know why you would say anything. If it bothers you that much that she turns her back to you when he comes in the room then do what you said you were going to do and just move so that she is facing both of you while sitting close to him. "Mark your territory." (if that will make you feel more secure ;0) Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 I dont think you need to be overly concerned at the moment, your cousin may simply be delighted to have friends close by and is eager to make a good impression with your fiance in order to feel like part of the family as it were, she wants to feel that she will have good close friends and by winning your fiance over well that is half the battle or the full battle. it might be of a flirty nature but I genuinely believe some people are just looking to make friends and have friends and there is not always a sexual motivation. (hmmn, feel free to disagree with me!!) Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 Just don't be available and don't answer the door if she drops over. you can just you and her go to lunch or something sometime. I wouldn't like that crap a bit. your man doesn't have an interest in her now but just wait until something goes wrong in the relationship and he'll know he'll know exactly who turn to for flattery and validation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 Sounds like she might be crushing on him, but has very little poor skills. I'd try compassion rather than feeling disrespected. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 family comes first, she is your cousin, give her the benefit of the doubt Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 family comes first, she is your cousin, give her the benefit of the doubt I would agree but my cousins that come visit me don’t do that nonsense 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 Put some boundaries up. She needs to call first and not just show up. This way you have control over when she does come over. And next time she comes over make sure he isn't home just to see how she is and if she asks if he's around. Are you two close? Are you comfortable enough to say something to her without making her feel bad? Or make a little joke, "wow you do have a crush him, how cute!" and see how she reacts. I think accusing her or confronting her about how she is like a puppydog around him might make things weird and awkward, especially since it does seem like she does have a crush on him (going by what you've said so far). Don't read into it and don't worry either. Your future husband has no interest in her so there's no chance of anything happening. If anything ever did come up (like she tries to hit on him) it is up to HIM to put her in her place and tell her he is not interested and never to do that again. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 Don't read into it and don't worry either. Your future husband has no interest in her so there's no chance of anything happening. If anything ever did come up (like she tries to hit on him) it is up to HIM to put her in her place and tell her he is not interested and never to do that again. but what if he is into her?? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 I'd talk to her gently about it. Tell her what you observed (not what you think). Ask her what is the meaning of her actions. If she doesn't get embarrassed & back off, you have a problem. At that point tell her you feel hurt & disrespected by her actions & ask her to dial it back. If she does not, cut her off for a while. Do tell your parent who is related to her parent why you are taking drastic measures. Your parent may have some advice. How does she behave when her live in BF is around? If you don't know, invite him over too & see how that plays out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkttulips5 Posted June 10, 2019 Author Share Posted June 10, 2019 I dont think you need to be overly concerned at the moment, your cousin may simply be delighted to have friends close by and is eager to make a good impression with your fiance in order to feel like part of the family as it were, she wants to feel that she will have good close friends and by winning your fiance over well that is half the battle or the full battle. it might be of a flirty nature but I genuinely believe some people are just looking to make friends and have friends and there is not always a sexual motivation. (hmmn, feel free to disagree with me!!) I would like to think this way, BUT she has cheated on her current (live in) BF of 4 yrs, so she is not quite the innocent type unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2019 Share Posted June 10, 2019 BUT she has cheated on her current (live in) BF of 4 yrs, so she is not quite the innocent type unfortunately. Knowing her history of infidelity, you best tell her to back off your man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkttulips5 Posted June 10, 2019 Author Share Posted June 10, 2019 How does she behave when her live in BF is around? If you don't know, invite him over too & see how that plays out. Well, that's another thing. #1 she has caused some drama (different subject and long story) when she was thinking about leaving him about 4 months ago (he's controlling and verbally/mentally abusive) and involved us with some lies and we were just trying to help. #2 even though we have been here 6 months, he has not met my finance', doesn't want to and is jealous of him for some reason (maybe she talks about my finance' a lot, not sure). Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 All the more reason for you to define acceptable boundaries with this cousin. She sounds like a mess, looking for the next guy to clean up after her & she has her sights set on your man. Link to post Share on other sites
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