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Gender imbalance. Why bother?


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Redguitar35

I just read a statistic that said that men outnumber women on dating apps by 80% to 20%, and the thought occurred to me, “Why even bother?” If every woman chose a partner on these apps, that would still mean the majority of guys will end up failing to find someone. That means most men are virtually guaranteed not to find a lasting relationship with a woman no matter what they do. It seems like the odds of finding someone are stacked heavily against guys. So why even bother?

Edited by Redguitar35
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Michelle ma Belle

That stat might seem a tad more believable if they're counting all the attached men trolling for some side action or fake profiles.

 

Otherwise not sure about that stat.

 

That being said, the whole online experience does seem unfair all around and often feels more like a game or lottery than anything else. All the more reason why you can't hang your hat on this one avenue exclusively as a way to meet women and men.

Edited by Michelle ma Belle
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norealusername

I don't know what the actual numbers are but I'm sure men outnumber women. I do know that an average looking woman can get 50+ messages a day while an average looking guy will get 0. From my experience, dating apps are very depressing for men. I still use them but I do not put much thought or effort into it at all. It's pointless for the most part.

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Redguitar35
If it doesn't feel right then stop using dating apps.

 

Nothing feels right, to be honest with you. I don’t think I’m going to find what I’m looking for IRL or with OLD. It’s hopeless, is my point.

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crispytoast
I don't know what the actual numbers are but I'm sure men outnumber women. I do know that an average looking woman can get 50+ messages a day while an average looking guy will get 0. From my experience, dating apps are very depressing for men. I still use them but I do not put much thought or effort into it at all. It's pointless for the most part.

I live in a small city and it's pretty bad. I used Tinder for a little while to a degree of success (I got laid a few times but nobody I felt a real connection with). I noticed that I see a lot of the women I see on Tinder around town. I deleted my Tinder when I came to the conclusion that it's impossible to explain your personality with 8 pictures, 500 characters, and a Spotify list. I felt like it had more potential to negatively impact my ability to find something meaningful than to positively impact it. I could see how it might be useful in a bigger city as you could meet people you might never otherwise meet. I still probably wouldn't use it though.

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Ruby Slippers
Nothing feels right, to be honest with you. I don’t think I’m going to find what I’m looking for IRL or with OLD. It’s hopeless, is my point.

If this is really how you feel, your problems are much bigger than dating.

 

I'm in my early 40s, single, and happy. I've accepted that I might not find the right partner, and learned to be OK with that. There are benefits to being single, and I choose to focus on them.

 

The singles ratio varies by geographic area. In general, in the U.S., there are more single men in the South, Southeast, and West, and more single women in the North and Northeast.

 

Michelle ma Belle is right that at least half the men on dating sites are guys obviously trolling for hookups that most decent women are going to ignore, so the ratio is definitely skewed.

 

I myself have learned that dating sites are probably not going to work for me. I'm not looking right now, but I'm not planning to go back to dating sites, so if I meet someone, it'll be the old-fashioned way.

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Flame Aura

Just read the OP's previous topic and you will see it's his attitude that is the problem not any statistic.

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I agree with the poster above who brought up the subject of married and otherwise taken men who are on OLD trying to cheat. I believe it represents a huge percentage. Whereas the percentage of women already married or taken would be less, though some women certainly to go looking to cheat or get attention, but I still bet it's a lot less, making the operating percentage of women more realistic than the male percentage.

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You whole premise is based on the notion that every guy on a dating app is or should be attractive to every woman on a dating app and that is the furthest thing from the truth.

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How many more negative,pessimistic threats are you going to create? If you dont change this sad ass attitude you wont attract any quality women

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Ahhh, more same old same old, don't believe everything you read buddy.

As l say all the time , just read ls at the run women get on date sites too, read them , you can't be that blind surely.

When l was on one l met some of the best women on there but even they'd been on there for years and were all on 3 or 4 date sites with no luck at all and getting all the same crap everyone else gets.

Just read around ls or other forums for the real story.

like l said the other day , it's an allusion, window shopping, but at the end of the day they still gotta have the right stuff once it gets out into the real world.

Not to say some people men or women don't find someone from them , see more and more of that around to so that's great in my book, but just saying , many many get put through the griller on both sides.

Edited by chillii
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The Outlaw

I don't think anything is guaranteed in life. It never has been. Online dating isn't my thing, and really hasn't ever been. Sure, it makes it easier, but it's just plain better to get out there and try to meet someone. At least then, you have a far better idea of who they are.

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You said on another thread that you've had a 'ton of one night stands'. If you're able to find a ONS, you're able to meet a girl to for a relationship. The only caveat being that you address this depressive mindset - no woman is going to stick around with your negativity.

 

Have you sought counselling to help you get out of the doldrums? Perhaps you have clinical depression?

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There ya go right there , just stumbled on one example of 1000's straight after your thread, go read vla1120 post in that doctor 32 thread.

She's got a gorgeous daughter has everything going for her and yet she's had zero luck on date sites for years. Well l'll tell ya , she would be a major exception for date site standards most of them aren't even 1/2 the quality of this girl , yet even she's had not luck.

Yaknow , all you guys moaning and groaning, you gotta be blind not to see all this stuff.

Edited by chillii
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why bother?

 

I think once you dont bother, your passion goes which is a more serious problem,

 

perhaps it is a fair thought with online dating, but the "why bother" attitude is best avoided,

 

you need to keep trying, keep the passion there, referencing our good Doctor on the other thread, passion is key.

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why bother?

 

I think once you dont bother, your passion goes which is a more serious problem,

 

 

Excellent point.

 

A few weeks ago, this guy swiped right on me first. His profile rolled around and I swiped right. A match, you'd think. We messaged back and forth and he was saying he was sick at the moment. I asked him "does it know who it's up against?" ("it" being his cold) and his interest seemed to shoot through the roof--he was keen to meet me and suggested someplace close by. About 10 days later, the day came around and he messaged to cancel, saying he still hadn't shaken it, blah blah blah, but no "let's reschedule for..." I said "no problem--feel better". I gave him 3 days then unmatched him.

 

I'm at the point now where I look at a guy's profile, read what he says he's looking for and right when I'm about to swipe right, I say "why bother? I already know I'm not who he's looking for." I'd rather invest my passion in areas where I get a better ROI.

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Redguitar35
You said on another thread that you've had a 'ton of one night stands'. If you're able to find a ONS, you're able to meet a girl to for a relationship. The only caveat being that you address this depressive mindset - no woman is going to stick around with your negativity.

 

 

I was very happy with my partner this time last year. I looked happy in the pictures we took. Then it ended and I've had no luck finding someone who makes me feel that way again. it's not like flipping a switch.

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Your trying to tell us it's not like flicking a switch , yet it's only been 12 mths then right.

You'd need that long just to get over it, if not double.

What are you thinking you walk out the door after 2 wks and trip over ms right, sorry buddy , if your really lucky, really lucky , you'll might, might, meet one or two of her only, in a lifetime, so it could be awhile now, just like with anyone else.

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I was very happy with my partner this time last year. I looked happy in the pictures we took. Then it ended and I've had no luck finding someone who makes me feel that way again. it's not like flipping a switch.

 

It would seem that there are entitlement issues at play here. Hardly anyone has a relationship with someone amazing and then finds a new amazing person within a year. They all have a series of short and medium term relationships till the special one comes along.

 

Feeling entitled to something that nobody else gets is self defeating. Remind yourself that what you're going through is completely normal and there's no reason that you should be excluded from doing the hard yards.

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Then it ended and I've had no luck finding someone who makes me feel that way again.

 

Expecting someone else to bring you happiness is a self-defeating approach. Confidence, enthusiasm and positivity attract what you're looking for, neediness and self-pity do not.

 

People will join you if you put yourself in a good place. Expecting them to take you there is a much longer shot...

 

Mr. Lucky

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I just read a statistic that said that men outnumber women on dating apps by 80% to 20%, and the thought occurred to me, “Why even bother?” If every woman chose a partner on these apps, that would still mean the majority of guys will end up failing to find someone. That means most men are virtually guaranteed not to find a lasting relationship with a woman no matter what they do. It seems like the odds of finding someone are stacked heavily against guys. So why even bother?

 

 

Join a local singles travel group online. The gender imbalance is the opposite of what you said above. It's remarkable. Or, maybe yoga class - swarms of women. In my observations, women, in general, are more social and are more eager to meet men in person (the old fashioned way) more than men are, so find where these groups of women are going and go yourself. Women are moving away from online dating.

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somanymistakes
I just read a statistic that said that men outnumber women on dating apps by 80% to 20%, and the thought occurred to me, “Why even bother?” If every woman chose a partner on these apps, that would still mean the majority of guys will end up failing to find someone. That means most men are virtually guaranteed not to find a lasting relationship with a woman no matter what they do. It seems like the odds of finding someone are stacked heavily against guys. So why even bother?

 

While your overall issue has already been addressed, just a side thought: it's pretty obvious that the gender balance in real life is NOT one where men vastly outnumber women, right?

 

(Unless you live in specific places where parents get rid of their girl children because they want sons sons sons sons, and then look really surprised when they can't find wives for those sons.)

 

So using your sense of logic, you can figure out that this gender imbalance on dating sites is being affected by external forces, that for some reason either more men are signing up than should be or fewer women are signing up than should be.

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