Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Hey all,

 

This is my first post so sorry if it’s in the wrong place! So I met this guy recently, we have a lot in common but not all good things. We’re both pretty young, early 20’s. The only thing is his behaviour that has me questioning whether I should end contact. We met online about a month ago and he asked me to stay with him for a month which I currently am (I know, silly decision).

 

He’s very introverted, has no friends, He told me basically his whole life history very early on (matter of days) Started asking me how many kids I want. Constantly texts 24/7 from when he wakes up at 8am, while he’s working, then calls as soon as he finishes work, stays on the phone for like 3 hours even if we run out of things to say he just stays on the phone while he’s just chilling and eating. He texts me constant while he’s at work asking what I’m doing etc.

 

I Didn’t reply to his text till an hour after he sent it and he messaged me, then texted and called multiple times asking if he did something wrong then saying he got worried. He’s planning on us moving in when I do my masters, already looked at the campus and everything. Told him what I was studying and he has spoken to a friend of his about getting me a job but this place is in the city where he lives, he said I can move in with him and travel to uni.

 

There’s some name calling, remarks, teasing, jokey “threats” he’s said things like “I’m keeping this one” but he’s northern so I think that’s his character. He can be a bit rough sometimes with slapping on he butt and pulling my arm. He Keeps going on about getting a dog together sending me pictures and videos. If I’m with other people he tends to flood my messages with pictures of dogs. Anytime it seems like I’m sending a message he asks who I’m chatting up or who I’m talking to.

He’s said things when he’s laying on my stomach like “I can hear the baby’s heartbeat” I said there is no baby and he said there will be soon.

 

When a programme came on recently about pregnancy he says laughingly “don’t get attached” “that’s why you don’t have kids” then he gets up to go to the toilet, and as soon as he comes back he asks me about my contraceptive pill. He says this every time there’s a programme on about kids of pregnancy. When we’re out in public he points out kids, if we pass a kids aisle he says “don’t get any ideas” he’s recently suggested having sex without a condom (both been tested and everything) I had a bellyache and he said maybe you’re pregnant but he didn’t say it in his usual jokey way. I feel like I have a little voice in my head telling me he’s a bit off but I don’t know if I’m just being over the top. Any help or advice would be great!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I imagine when you are posting here, your gut instinct is telling you to get away from this and you are looking for reassurance in that sense that this is the right move,

 

well I am a guy but I am not going to support your guy on this one. to answer your question- No it is not normal behaviour- it is obsessive compulsive.

 

yes it has to be an exit strategy in my opinion.

 

this relationship will wear you down mentally and if you do end up pregnant it will difficult to eliminate the chap from your life,

 

your boyfriend sounds very overbearing and I imagine you will feel a sense of relief if you get some time away,

I would suggest moving out straight away, say you have a family issue and you have to move back home for a while,

He is going to be hard to shake tbh, he will bombard you with texts and phone calls,

 

you need time away from all this, he needs to learn to relax and broaden his horizons,

 

take the first step today to start distancing yourself from him.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
somanymistakes

Sounds like he's a little too into you.

 

It's not necessarily bad, sometimes people just have weird personalities. But it sounds like he has strong tendencies towards being possessive, wanting to move too fast, wanting to stake you as his territory, which could lead to him being very controlling of you.

 

You guys need to slow way down and back up, not get swept into this 'and then we'll move in together and have kids and the rest of our lives'.

 

Maybe he's just young and inexperienced and doesn't know what's okay. If so, you need strong boundaries of your own in order to communicate how you do and don't want to be treated.

Link to post
Share on other sites

To answer your question, I'd say it's "not normal" - but I'll indulge a little and say a lot of things are "not normal" but still good so I feel it's the wrong question to ask. If you assume things are "normal" for relationships, you end up putting up with something that isn't right for you just because it's "normal" or expected.

 

Indulging done - What's more important is how you feel about all this. I'd assume since you posted here you feel it's a problem - he sounds really overbearing, and just not giving you space to go about your daily routine and be yourself. Over time it's going to make you exhausted just trying to keep up with him all the time. And that's not counting the fact that his odd sense of humour seems to disagree with you.

 

If it's not right, then don't stay. You know what you would be getting into - and potentially it could get worse.

Link to post
Share on other sites

He seems far too intrusive and controlling. If you get pregnant you will likely to be stuck with him in a far more vulnerable position and having to interact with him thereafter because it will be his child too.

 

Unless you are mad-keen on this guy, my advice would be to get out of this relationship. It sounds altogether too suffocating and possessive. This can easily turn into control and abuse.

Link to post
Share on other sites

He is scary. My advice is run whilst you still can.

I guess he will not like you leaving one bit, so be prepared for fireworks, seek the help of friends and family, and the police if it gets too bad.

Keep yourself safe.

 

DO NOT get a dog.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
mark clemson
I feel like I have a little voice in my head telling me he’s a bit off but I don’t know if I’m just being over the top. Any help or advice would be great!

 

 

That little voice in your head appears to be right.

 

My advice would be to plan on this being a short term relationship only (no matter what he wants) and to end it once your month long stay is over.

 

Be alert in case he "stalks" you a bit after you leave. Not saying that will happen but it could, esp. since you say he has no one else and poor social skills for finding a new partner.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
He is scary. My advice is run whilst you still can.

I guess he will not like you leaving one bit, so be prepared for fireworks, seek the help of friends and family, and the police if it gets too bad.

Keep yourself safe.

 

DO NOT get a dog.

 

I don’t plan on getting a dog with him at all, but what would be wrong with it?

Link to post
Share on other sites
I don’t plan on getting a dog with him at all, but what would be wrong with it?

Guys like this, controlling and I guess ultimately abusive, will use the dog to control you.

Do as I say or I will hurt the dog, lock the dog up, get rid of the dog... etc.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
RecentChange

I agree with “scary”!! I read this and thought yikes this guy sounds unhinged.

 

This isnÂ’t normal. The moving waaaaaaay too fast, the controlling, the obsession about getting you pregnant- all of this is very abnormal to me and would freak me the hell out.

 

I can imagine breaking up with someone this obsessed would be difficult, but the earlier it is done the easier.

 

Have you talked to your friends or family about this guy? I find his behavior troubling and worry what will happen when he escalates this.

 

Are you not worried he will try to sabotage your birth control and get you pregnant? He is trying to trap you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I agree with “scary”!! I read this and thought yikes this guy sounds unhinged.

 

This isnÂ’t normal. The moving waaaaaaay too fast, the controlling, the obsession about getting you pregnant- all of this is very abnormal to me and would freak me the hell out.

 

I can imagine breaking up with someone this obsessed would be difficult, but the earlier it is done the easier.

 

Have you talked to your friends or family about this guy? I find his behavior troubling and worry what will happen when he escalates this.

 

Are you not worried he will try to sabotage your birth control and get you pregnant? He is trying to trap you.

 

My family aren’t really in the picture. I don’t think he’ll go so far as to sabotage my birth control (would that be possible with pills?). When I first came to stay at his he did take my pills and said “don’t want you taking them like sweets, you’ll become infertile” but I honestly think that was said as a joke, he just has a dark humour. He gives me my pill every morning so I don’t think there’s anything to worry about there. He does have a history of depression and suicidal thoughts so I don’t know how I’d go about leaving.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I find his behavior troubling and worry what will happen when he escalates this.

 

It's hard to tell from the OP's post if he's just really, really needy or pathological. OP, one thing for sure - neither makes good relationship material.

 

We met online about a month ago and he asked me to stay with him for a month which I currently am (I know, silly decision).

 

Dogbor. you don't get a free pass in this situation. If he's been controlling, you've been happily dependent. Is it really a surprise this has enabled him to act out even more :confused: ?

 

He gives me my pill every morning

 

Huh???????????????

 

Mr. Lucky

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
It's hard to tell from the OP's post if he's just really, really needy or pathological. OP, one thing for sure - neither makes good relationship material.

 

 

 

Dogbor. you don't get a free pass in this situation. If he's been controlling, you've been happily dependent. Is it really a surprise this has enabled him to act out even more :confused: ?

 

 

 

Huh???????????????

 

Mr. Lucky

 

That’s the thing though, I don’t think he’s controlling, just a bit weird I thought. He has my pills on his side on the bed and just passes it to me in the morning.

Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic

Why are you staying with him for a month? Where did you live before that and how far away? Why is HE in control of your birth control pills??

 

I don't think this guy is actually even going to LET you leave.

Link to post
Share on other sites

He's trying to trap you into a relationship with everything including the dog.

 

Listen, this guy is scary. He's not right. He IS controlling. He is monitoring everything about you. He is staying connected all day when you should both be working instead. He is very controlling. He's going to be stalkerish and the sooner you dump him the less invested he'll be. He will not be easy to get rid of.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
RecentChange

Well OP, you asked for opinions and you got some.

 

If a female friend of mine described a relationship like this. I would be doing everything in my power to help her get away from him because this is not normal, nor healthy and there is a parade of red flags waving.

 

What was your parents relationship like? Why aren’t they in the picture? I have a feeling a happy healthy relationship has not been modeled for you, and you do not realize how abnormal all of this is.

 

What’s your plan? Where do you see yourself and this guy in a few years? Do you think you want to marry him? Have kids with him?

 

How do you feel about the constant checking in on you? All of the pregnancy talk? Do you enjoy it?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

He's going to get you pregnant by switching out your pills. He should have nothing to do with your birth control. Nothing! How can you say he isn't controlling? You need to wise up and RUN.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
He's going to get you pregnant by switching out your pills. He should have nothing to do with your birth control. Nothing! How can you say he isn't controlling? You need to wise up and RUN.

 

I’m going to think of a way to tell him. He only passes it to me in the morning, how would he switch out birth control pills? The ones in the blister packs? Is that not a bit far fetched.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Flame Aura

Wow. Reading your opening post made me squirm how weird this guy is - no it is not normal at all.

 

 

Has no friends.. history of depression.. history of self harm... can't leave you alone for 1 minute... and you are sleeping with him without protection... that's actually disgusting.. this guy is a total creep.

 

 

If this is not a troll then I honestly have no idea why you are with him.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Wow. Reading your opening post made me squirm how weird this guy is - no it is not normal at all.

 

 

Has no friends.. history of depression.. history of self harm... can't leave you alone for 1 minute... and you are sleeping with him without protection... that's actually disgusting.. this guy is a total creep.

 

 

If this is not a troll then I honestly have no idea why you are with him.

 

 

We have been using protection.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I’m going to think of a way to tell him. He only passes it to me in the morning, how would he switch out birth control pills? The ones in the blister packs? Is that not a bit far fetched.

 

He could put anything in there that resembled it, baby aspirin, benadryl. He simply has no business all up in your personal stuff like that. He's scary. Just take your pills and hide them where he's not allowed and be sure he knows his boundaries. I personally think he sounds like a creep you need to dump.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...