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Has anyone else experienced this?!


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I've been with my boyfriend now for almost a year. We live together. The first 3-4 months our sex life was amazing. I opened up to him about things that I like and he was always so understanding and accepting and made me feel really comfortable. I said to him a number of times how happy I was to finally find someone I could be comfortable doing certain things with.. Because if I couldn't do it with my own boyfriend then who?..

After 3-4 months, it all changed. He used to talk dirty to me which I loved and he knew that but now not even a beep.. I try to start and I get nothing back. He was always up for different ways and positions. Now there's only 2 ways. Him on top where he basically berries his head next to mine till it's done. Or me on top where he makes my head go next to his like more hugging. And no talking and dramatic decrease in amount of sex overall. I've tried talking to him and he always shuts down the convo or he'll address the amount issue and say the whole "every relationship does it less the longer they go on" I've even said now I don't care if it doesn't happen much but when it happens, why can't it be like how it was before? He can't answer.

Can anyone shed any light?! Share some advice?! Please..

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He did it at first to please you but it was not in his nature to do these things so after a while he got back to who he really is. The way you describe things it's like he only wants to releive himself and he's not interest in connecting.

 

Yes the amount of time we have sex can go down after a while because life gets in the way and there are only 24 hours in a day but if sex goes down because the interest isn't there anymore or the quality has dropped drastically then it's something you should not ignore. You and him are not sexually compatible and this will be a burden on your relationship if you aim at long term with this man.

 

I think you are at a crossroad and it's time to say good bye. Intimicy is very important in a relationship, it's the glue that keeps everything else together. He's not going to revert back and you will keep on being unhappy.

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thefooloftheyear

The honeymoon ended..

 

Now you have what you have....If its a deal breaker for you, then I guess you have to move on...And that's what most posters will tell you to do..

 

The only thing I would mention is that maybe look at the whole package and see what you actually have...In life you rarely get everything you want...I get the point about not settling, but some people forget that perfection or total compatibility in all areas is a very rare scenario...

 

TFY

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somanymistakes

It's normal for sex to drop a bit after the initial hormone rush wears off, but if it drops too far too fast and you're no longer interested in the same things, then yeah, you're probably not compatible.

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So when he's actually in the mood and you push him down on the bed and straddle him, does he complain that he doesn't like the position?

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Just knew you'd end up spelling out every detail by the end, you don't seem to have any trouble what so ever opening up at all to me the whole internet knows and it's blah blah already, so that would all come across even more so to him and yep he's lost interest, you see it's gotta be special to last, you gotta make it special, not just blah blah.

Edited by chillii
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The only way to know for sure why things changed is to ask him.

 

Before you tell me that you can't talk about it, you have been naked with him. Talking should be easy. If it's not, that alone is a red flag. IMO you should never have sex with somebody you can't talk to about sex.

 

In all likelihood, he did what you like to please you but it made him uncomfortable & he's back doing what he likes. If that is the case, you have some weighing & balancing to do.

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It's not so important that he stopped doing what you like. What's important is whether or not he is willing to compromise and work with you. That's the real key. Compromise, open mind are important. It gets boring too after a while if you do it the same way all the time . . . mix it up.

 

And, I agree with D0nnivain, if you can hit the sheets and bump uglies with someone, you should be able to talk about it too. If that's not the case, then you aren't ready to be having sex and a relationship anyway.

Edited by Redhead14
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Because he decided that it wasn't fair that he was always doing your preferences and never getting to do his own. And he's not really into your preferences just like you're not really into his.

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Because he decided that it wasn't fair that he was always doing your preferences and never getting to do his own. And he's not really into your preferences just like you're not really into his.

 

I believe it's called "sexual incompatibility"

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He used to talk dirty to me which I loved and he knew that but now not even a beep.. I try to start and I get nothing back. He was always up for different ways and positions. Now there's only 2 ways.

 

Lots of info about what you like.

 

Have you taken the time to find out what he likes?

 

Mr. Lucky

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Destiny Couple

Intimacy is very important in a relationship and it deals with so many emotions as well. It is normal that physical intimacy can wane, due to time passing or for other reasons, but normally there has to be change that causes the sex to take a dive. You could look into the reasons, and talk about them together. There could be some underlying resistance or vulnerability issues that have come to the surface and while it does happen, it doesn't mean that you can't get that part of your relationship back. Mutual understanding during change is key.

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Before you tell me that you can't talk about it, you have been naked with him. Talking should be easy. If it's not, that alone is a red flag. IMO you should never have sex with somebody you can't talk to about sex.

 

 

Completely agree with this comment.

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stillafool
Just knew you'd end up spelling out every detail by the end, you don't seem to have any trouble what so ever opening up at all to me the whole internet knows and it's blah blah already, so that would all come across even more so to him and yep he's lost interest, you see it's gotta be special to last, you gotta make it special, not just blah blah.

 

I agree he's bored with what you want to do.

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Michelle ma Belle
Lots of info about what you like.

 

Have you taken the time to find out what he likes?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Reposted for emphasis.

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