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Our Parents/Grandparents getting together


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So we come here to talk about our lives and figure out how to improve our love lives. I am curious how all of our Parents and Grandparents got together.

 

It feels like for a lot of us. Our Parents/Grandparents had it sort of cut and dry.

 

My mom was born in 1939/Dad 1940. They came to Canada from Jamaica in Spring of 1968. They were about 28. They met here in Summer of 1968 through Cousins. My Mom's half-sister is cousins with my Dad's cousin. They married in Nov 1969 and had me in March of 1971 and my brother in Jan 1973. They are still Married. No Divorce.

 

My Grandparents on my Mom's side met in the area of Jamaica In the mid to late 30's. Had my mom in 1939 and had my 2 Aunts and 1 Uncle in the 40's My Grandfather had an out of wedlock daughter-Aunt in 1954. My Grandparents worked it out.

 

Seems like getting together was cut and dry for the most part. Both my Parents and My Mom's Parents no major problems with meeting and marrying.

 

My Dad's parents had my Uncle-1933 and Dad 1940. They never married and My Grandmother on Dad's side, passed and My Dad/Uncle were sent to live with relatives. My Uncle left to go to School to become a teacher. My Dad worked as a Mechanic and then came to Canada to join his brother.

 

I feel like just getting together back then it was smooth and cut and dry. I wonder if we are way more complex as a society now. I have Co-workers and former Classmates and friends that are going through a divorce and in my head.

 

I always wonder what the pattern is of dissolving a relationship. Where it feels like my parents and Grandparents or the ones on my Mom's side. They were able to keep the relationship intact until death.

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Very good question. I have thought about this as well.

 

I do think that we are more complex as a society today.

Social media has made as shallow. Hollywood has given us an unrealistic expectation (even if subconsciously), we are all opinionated, we love ourselves so much that we don't ever settle, we often believe we deserve more, and the list goes on.

I do think that social media, all the advance technology is the biggest change today, and though it has made life much easier, it has also inadvertently complicated things so much.

 

For me, aside from a connection with a person, I simply wanted to find a significant other that does not live in the artificial world of social media. That would enjoy a delicious meal with me without having to capture it, that will travel with me without having to stop me to take pictures of her every 20 minutes, that will enjoy in the moment. Let me tell you, finding a woman that is not obsessive over portraying that perfect life on social media was not easy to do. I am 30, and most women around my age live on social media.

We watch so many shows or movies that are based on false romance and how they are portrayed is nothing near what things are like in the real world.

Attractive women/men(bloggers, models, influencers etc) are on the touch of our fingers on Instagram, it truly all makes a difference.

Almost every single female friend that I have portrays a life on Instagram that has zero truth to it on her day to day basis. She will post a photo of her in the nicest places when she is at home, crying over something silly. I also think that portraying a life we don't truly live inadvertently makes us unhappier and negative. These traits get stuck with you, and even in your relationship.

 

I am a firm believer that if you are unhappy with yourself in your personal life, if you are depressed on a personal level, you cannot seek to fill that emptiness/void from your significant other. It won't work out.

You have to be truly happy from within, and you share your happiness with each other.

My ex GF was miserable. I did everything I could for her. She started "blogging"(something I was not fond of). She was absolutely miserable in life, but portrayed a perfect life on "the gram". No matter how much I tried to deviate her mind, to elevate her and try to make her look at things more positively, nothing made her happy. She was unhappy generally, she was pessimistic, and extremely negative, and ultimately, our relationship failed.

Just to be clear, I am not saying I was the perfect boyfriend, nor that I have it all figured out, but I am generally a very positive, happy, and optimistic person.

 

It is not as simple as it used to be. My parents also met via mutual friends in the 80s, got married not long after, and they've compromised all their lives and do it gladly. They live happily today as they did back then. They don't look for happiness else where. My parents have never thought they deserve more than each other, they always seek comfort from each other.

Today your friends will tell you that you deserve somebody that makes you happier, or that you deserve a man/woman that will do something differently than the way your significant other handled it, etc. We don't stick through thick and thin. Don't even get me started on disloyalty.

 

A lot has changed!

Be interested to hear other people's take on this though.

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My mom said she was a nurse (aide I guess since she's not trained) during WWII and that my dad was on the third day of a three-day drunk and she "helped him." Go figure. I never had the nerve to ask what "helped him" meant.

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I am curious how all of our Parents and Grandparents got together.

 

My Dad and Mom met when they both worked together at a large bank after he returned from WWII.

 

When they were alive, used to joke that some of the things my Dad did to get her to notice him - wait for her to come out after work, show up at places he knew she'd be with friends, etc - would get him labeled as a stalker (or worse!) today. My Mom used the old line "I let him chase me until I wanted to be caught".

 

Guess we should be thankful for OLD and social media today. Absent those, not sure how anyone would pair up in this PC world...

 

Mr. Lucky

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My Dad and Mom met when they both worked together at a large bank after he returned from WWII.

 

When they were alive, used to joke that some of the things my Dad did to get her to notice him - wait for her to come out after work, show up at places he knew she'd be with friends, etc - would get him labeled as a stalker (or worse!) today. My Mom used the old line "I let him chase me until I wanted to be caught".

 

Guess we should be thankful for OLD and social media today. Absent those, not sure how anyone would pair up in this PC world...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Yeah, but back then, if a man crossed the line, it was common for someone's dad to beat them up and teach them some boundaries.

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I don't know and don't want to know. Both sides were a bunch of trainwrecks.

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Mr Lucky, it's not about the New PC World. Way back in the 80's I would get pissed at boys who would chase if I was heading the other direction. When I said "no" I meant it and expected my decision to be respected.

 

I read my grandmother's diary about when she met my grandfather in the late 30's. She was fierce and would easily put a man in his place if he didn't respect her boundaries :D

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My in laws met in San Francisco during the hippie era and have been together ever since so there is some happiness in my family's past even if it is family by marriage.

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One set of grandparents met because they saw each other regularly on a train station in the 1920's. They dated and Gran got pregnant at 18 and so was thrown out of the house. My grandfather went looking for her, found her and brought her home to his parents house. They married at 19 and loved each other for the rest of their lives.

 

Other set of grandparents met at a dance where my Pop was volunteering on door duty. I know this because I have her diary. She noticed him on the way in and he further ingratiated himself by looking out for her when some dodgy guys were hanging around her. He asked her out, they went on a date and he got handsy and she put him in his place. She did allude to a lot more than that happening later in the courtship and around that time she wrote a whole entry in old style shorthand which I can't read. (Later versions of shorthand could be read by other secretaries). Anyway, they married after about a year of courtship and my dad was born 9 months after that.

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they were/are great generations the people you refer too,

 

 

the older generations just accepted things and got on with it,

 

 

different times, my country was a lot poorer back when my parents were young, their generation and my Grandparents and Ancestors grew up lived in hard times,

 

 

but that gave them a steeliness and a resolve that made them great people.

 

 

in terms of relationships, look the reality is women's expectations were not as high, people would meet at a local dance marry and live happily ever after,

 

 

the perception would be that ourselves nowadays have more emotional intelligence than our parents had,

 

 

that may be somewhat true, but there is no doubt we are also way more self centred.

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Yeah, but back then, if a man crossed the line, it was common for someone's dad to beat them up and teach them some boundaries.

 

Mr Lucky, it's not about the New PC World. Way back in the 80's I would get pissed at boys who would chase if I was heading the other direction. When I said "no" I meant it and expected my decision to be respected.

 

I read my grandmother's diary about when she met my grandfather in the late 30's. She was fierce and would easily put a man in his place if he didn't respect her boundaries :D

 

All good points, but all you have to do is read some big company's HR handbook to understand how challenging the roles are today for both sides.

 

Don't get me wrong, change had to come. But I sometimes wonder if we've thrown the baby out with the bathwater...

 

Mr. Lucky

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My parents are both from a very small village hours up north in Canada. People had limited choice in mates in a remote area like this. My mom was 16 and working in a diner, my dad used to stop by and that's how they met. They married mom was 17, and I arrived she was 18. My parents lived on my grand-parents farm as my dad was going to inherit it.

 

My dad was a good man (still is) but him and mom had nothing in common. They had 4 kids together, they raised us well and we had a great childhood. I think my mom was very lonely all of her 55 years so far with dad. They married to build a family because it was expected of them, they fell in love I am sure but in those days there was no thoughts given to compatibility and common interest. My dad spent all of his free time in the woods, leaving mom home waiting for him. I think it's sad.

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Just wondering first of all if you were seriously asking if society is more complex now , or being funny, society, the world, planet, has never been so screwed .

Or if just talking meeting someone, marriage, think we could triple that if you just read a few pages of ls.

Bet our parents and gp couldn't imagined date apps and swipes and all the games and bs now, and places like ls on some crazy machine where people ask things like do l text first , or talk like swipe left or right , or spell out every private detail to a few million total strangers, or rules, ahh, apparently. l can't even get my head round it. Pretty sad really what it's all become don't you think. Not to mention the divorce rate and broken families so common now your own child can be the only one in school that still has both parents and a complete family at home. So yep , it's pretty complex .

 

Dad opened a new bank account and mum was the teller. He said to himself he was gonna marry that girl while he was still in the line watching her and she hadn't even served him yet.

They were married 57yrs.

Dad had 6 heart attacks but wouldn't leave until mum finally went first, looking after her to the end.

My grand parents met playing lawn bowls. My other gp met on the ship coming over to this country from France.

But eh , this stuff does still happen all the time thank God , it's not all on a computer screen. Don't think l even know anyone who didn't just meet somewhere or other.

l wonder actually how many couples do meet naturally these days, like real couples.

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Just wondering first of all if you were seriously asking if society is more complex now , or being funny, society, the world, planet, has never been so screwed .

Or if just talking meeting someone, marriage, think we could triple that if you just read a few pages of ls.

The world is not more screwed, it's just more public. You should ask your parents to tell you some of your family dirty little secrets. Back 50 years ago there was plenty of cheating, betrayal, incest, abandonment, men raising children they had no clue weren't theirs, domestic violence, addiction, all this has existed since the beginning of time, the new generation has invented nothing.
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l wonder actually how many couples do meet naturally these days, like real couples.

 

 

Really? You mean I am not a real couple because I met my bf 4 years ago on a dating site? Or my brother and his wife of 5 years are not a real couple because they also met online? My daughter and her boyfriend who are shopping for a house right now also aren't a real couple because they met online.

 

 

 

Meeting people in 'real' or meeting them online has nothing to do with the type of relationship they will have. I met my ex-husband in 'real' and he was jealous, controlling and aggressive, I met my bf online and he is the definition of integrity!

 

 

 

A genuine person in real will be a genuine person online. A player in real will be a player online.

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A genuine person in real will be a genuine person online. A player in real will be a player online.

 

Well said.

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Here are a couple of my friends that are together met and current status.

 

MM/MO. Both worked at a Catalog shop store.

 

SA/JB met at the end of high school. They are separated now.

 

DT/CH were on each other's Facebook. They are each others ex's CH basically made a romantic move on DT. They have 2 bio kids between them. The problem right now is that CH's ex is stalling the Divorce, even though Ch's ex has a woman. They are engaged. CH/DT are both conflict avoident people that can't work this out. Only by default when the Ex has had enough of toying with CH will they be able to marry.

 

BD/A. They have known each other for awhile. They live together. Both are divorced and are engaged and will be married this fall of 2019.

 

IC/J met online. Dated for 3 yr and married in 2011. They have 2 kids.

 

DS/G met in her Yoga class. Been together since 2002. They are late 60's early 70's. Both are divorced.

 

TD and R. Met online in 2004 had a kid in 2009 and started living together in 2009. They were long distance. TD had to change his work cycle to get out and see her once a month for 6 days.

 

MK/JC met at a social 1998. JC was already scoping him out anyways. Engaged in 1999 and married in 2000 and had kids in 2003/2005. Still married and going strong.

 

It feels like with my friends and my P/GP that meeting someone and making a go of it. Has to be organic and it can't be the mindset of looking for someone special. Kind of like how friendships are organic.

 

Today perhaps with social media within our subconscious. that we have too much of a hyper-reality of how things are going to be.

 

I almost feel like a real romantic relationship will be like having an Opposite sex friend that you get some physical affection mixed into it. Not some high octane adventure where you both are having riveting conversations and love making all the time.

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All good points, but all you have to do is read some big company's HR handbook to understand how challenging the roles are today for both sides.

 

Don't get me wrong, change had to come. But I sometimes wonder if we've thrown the baby out with the bathwater...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

As someone who faced gender discrimination the whole time I was working for someone other than myself, I just have no sympathy for disgruntled men who feel they're being tamped down in the workplace. I made half what my male counterparts did, while being sexually harassed by many of them and was a major victim of cronyism in my longest job.

 

I will grant you that the lines can be blurry.

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The Outlaw

My grandparents married in 1949 and had my mother in 1952. My parents themselves met through a late mutual friend in the mid/late 70's and they married after one year of dating in February 1978. They were happily married, (but not without a few problems that they all have) for nearly fourty years until she died from a rare form of cancer in August 2016 at age 64, and not trying to get too sentimental, even in the face of death, she wasn't afraid and god love her, she was still trying to set me up even when she was dying. I'm 38 and I've never been married or had children, but I'd be more than blessed if I could have the type of marriage my grandparents and parents did. I was working on this post when the site crashed temporarily.

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mrs rubble

My parents were 16 and 17 when they first met on an inter city train. They got married at 19 and 20 and are still together 53 years later.

I'm not sure how my grandparents met, I'll have to ask my parents if they know, but both sets were together until death.

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The world is not more screwed, it's just more public. You should ask your parents to tell you some of your family dirty little secrets. Back 50 years ago there was plenty of cheating, betrayal, incest, abandonment, men raising children they had no clue weren't theirs, domestic violence, addiction, all this has existed since the beginning of time, the new generation has invented nothing.

 

 

 

 

Says you.

But yeah , of course there was plenty of shyt back then too, l don't have to ask , lived it.

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Really? You mean I am not a real couple because I met my bf 4 years ago on a dating site? Or my brother and his wife of 5 years are not a real couple because they also met online? My daughter and her boyfriend who are shopping for a house right now also aren't a real couple because they met online.

 

 

 

Meeting people in 'real' or meeting them online has nothing to do with the type of relationship they will have. I met my ex-husband in 'real' and he was jealous, controlling and aggressive, I met my bf online and he is the definition of integrity!

 

 

 

A genuine person in real will be a genuine person online. A player in real will be a player online.

 

 

 

 

nope , not what l meant at all , your twisting.

But eh , l'm glad it all works out for some , l always wonder about that stuff.

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A genuine person in real will be a genuine person online. A player in real will be a player online.

 

Well said.

 

 

Yeah look l agree with that too.

l met very real women in my little online stint, wasn't saying it couldn't happen.

 

But if you read through ls about all the online bs, man , gotta wonder.

But, as ya say yeah sure they still could be getting the same thing in RL meeting too.

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