Love2015 Posted May 29, 2019 Share Posted May 29, 2019 So I was the wife and another woman took him away, married him and now just has a baby. How can you live with allowing a man mistreat another woman when they are with you? How can you pretend to believe the lies they say about their spouses? What makes you not realize it's all lies and why you are so determined to get him? The same year I got married is the same year he cheated and I invited her to the wedding. The day I discovered is when suddenly he changed and a lot had to do with he knows I would not be with him...however..in front of me I have to images of him. 1) the sweet man I had been with and with whom we were trying to have a baby. Yes we were going to fertility clinic and all due to hormones imbalance. 2) the guy who character defamed me, took cero responsibility for what he was doing and didn't even work on respecting what we had to leave with dignity. I had to do the whole divorce while he picked up and started living with you. I want to understand why would you not realize that what he really truly is about. Don't u understand if he loved you ..he would leave his wife in a nice way and not so dramatically? What if the tables turned. Would u like to be with the man and have another woman to behind you back trying to snatch him? Oh yeah classic she used all my bad qualities to her advantage. ... See I think I am happy I am not with him but who will bring back the natural trust we all have in humanity? Want to truly love someone...start by loving yourselves. I didn't look back once I discovered I was blind sided but I can say you the other woman made me less spiritual and mistrusting in people. Would u like if your daughter's went through this? Or do u care so little ? Was wondering and I don't judge but your actions can hurt ...three years later and it still does. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Women who actually believe the married man loves them best are naive. They tell themselves that what he had with his wife was small compared to what they now have together, that SHE was not his real love, and tell themselves that they were meant to be together as if by some irresistable force and are destined because their love is superior to the love he had with his wife. It's naivety sometimes and sometimes a real lack of insight not recognizing that if she cheated on his wife, he'll cheat on her too, but sometimes it's just ulterior motives and lack of conscience on both their parts and just acting selfish with no empathy with who they both hurt. Like maybe neither of them took it seriously but then the baby happened. Maybe it was just a frivolous affair that went awry and had serious consequences. There are plenty of people who don't think deeply about what they're doing or the effect it has on other people. Sorry you're hurting and I know your trust is destroyed. Once the person you thought loved you best of anyone betrays you, it's going to be hard to love fully again because of trust. But I will just tell you the one thing that a friend of mine told me, and it was, "I would never do that to you. It's against my ethics. I couldn't live with myself if I did that." So you have to come to know what someone's general ethics are before you trust them now and you can see ethics in all walks of their life, such as how they treat their friends, how responsible they are, do they always keep a promise, are they giving and not just taking, do they have empathy for other people, do they have good work ethics or do they look for any excuse to slack off. Get to know a person's overall ethics and you will someday be able to trust that person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 See I think I am happy I am not with him For someone who says they've moved on, you sure seem determined to look backwards, username included. Three years down the road, why the speculation as to a lying cheater's motives? Make your life about today. Hopefully, you've had a chance to talk to someone about your feelings and their bearing on your future. As is often said, living well is the best revenge... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 your best recourse is to get back on the horse ASAP 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 So I was the wife and another woman took him away, married him and now just has a baby. How can you live with allowing a man mistreat another woman when they are with you? How can you pretend to believe the lies they say about their spouses? What makes you not realize it's all lies Obviously we can't speak for the OW in your particular case, nor is your ex-husband every MM in the world. However, in general, OWs do not 'pretend to believe' what the MM tells them - they do believe it. Sometimes because they are blinded by infatuation. Sometimes because what he says is actually true. Do you know exactly what he told her, everything he ever told her? It probably contained some lies, but it wasn't necessarily 100% lies. I mean, he probably told her he wants to be with her, which is apparently true. and why you are so determined to get him? Love. Or mad infatuation, if you prefer. It makes people willing to do a lot of crazy things. The same year I got married is the same year he cheated and I invited her to the wedding. I'm sorry, that's terrible. It was awful of him to marry you if he already did not intend to be faithful. 1) the sweet man I had been with and with whom we were trying to have a baby. Yes we were going to fertility clinic and all due to hormones imbalance. Again, I'm very sorry, that was a horrible thing for him to do to you. Especially considering what a roller-coaster fertility treatments can be for a woman, which men don't always understand. 2) the guy who character defamed me, took cero responsibility for what he was doing and didn't even work on respecting what we had to leave with dignity. I had to do the whole divorce while he picked up and started living with you. I want to understand why would you not realize that what he really truly is about. Don't u understand if he loved you ..he would leave his wife in a nice way and not so dramatically? There's no nice way to leave your wife for another woman. Whatever way they try, it almost always causes breakdowns and hysterics. There's always anguish, there's always heartbreak, there's always demands that he should have done something different. But what I've seen over time is that none of it matters, really. This is a battle that can't be won. You'll see people say, quite sensibly, that a married man ought to have the decency to leave his wife first before sleeping with someone else. Yes! This is reasonable! But then the same people will be JUST as angry if a married man leaves when he HASN'T slept with someone else yet, because how dare he develop feelings for someone else while married, that's just as bad as cheating, blah blah blah... a decent man would leave his wife first BEFORE falling in love with someone else! Okay, if you say so... But then the same people will be JUST as angry if a married man leaves when he has no other love interest in his life at all! Because a DECENT man would put all his effort into repairing the marriage if it wasn't yet broken beyond repair... yeah... this is when you start realising that no matter what you do people are going to call you a monster. What if the tables turned. Would u like to be with the man and have another woman to behind you back trying to snatch him? If the tables were turned, I'd offer to share. But that's me. I'm clearly not the OW in your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 (edited) I have been with husband 7 years..3 dating, 3 living together and 1 married. ...and then whilst you were under going fertility treatment, you found him cheating and he moved out to be with her. Classic 7 year itch and as you couldn't provide a family to move the relationship on, he sought out a more fertile woman. It is not uncommon in people who wait for years before getting married. By the time they get around to it, the spark has gone, boredom has set in... People usually just do what suits them best at the time, his OW wasn't doing anything TO you, she just saw an unhappy MM she liked and set out to kiss him all better... Edited May 30, 2019 by elaine567 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 op, I know it's hard, but try not to allow him to become a representation of all men. Just as there are men like your ex, there are lots of men out there who would treat you like gold, and would never, ever consider do what your ex did. They would be honest. In the end, even though it may not feel like it now, you are the lucky party here. While you get to find someone truly special, she gets to sit at home, wondering just who it is he's chatting to online, why is texting at 2:00 am, why does he guard his phone more tightly than the US guards Fort Knox? I know she had led herself down this path, but I can't help but pity her. Link to post Share on other sites
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