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Was it fair for my cousin (male) to also get suspended for pushing a girl?


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SocialButterfly

Both of them are in 6th grade. He only shoved her to the ground once and walked away. Even though the girl did get suspended for 3 days, he still got suspended for 2 days.

 

However it's not the first time that girl (she's 4 inches taller and a bit heavier too) has gotten physical with him. A couple times in the past, the girl has stomped on his foot, spit at him and punched him on the shoulders. We just found that out recently. I don't think it's fair.

 

It seems like a lose-lose situation even from an early age.

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Sure. He assaulted another child. Sounds like she did too. Punishment for both is appropriate

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SocialButterfly
Sure. He assaulted another child. Sounds like she did too. Punishment for both is appropriate
Even if the girl wasn't going to stop if he were to walk away like he had done before?

 

He tried telling one of his teachers the first time it happened but it was excused as an ''oh sounds like maybe she likes you'' and it wasn't taken serious. He also tried ignoring and walking away but it didn't work either. That girl would sometimes follow and corner him towards a wall.

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In general, I’m not a fan of suspensions.

 

But - it sounds like these two are replete offenders. I hope there are other interventions happening, in addition to the suspension - that would address the concern. Both children need to learn how to interact with others in more positive ways and develop better self control - or they need to be separated.

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Even if the girl wasn't going to stop if he were to walk away like he had done before?

 

Where are the parents in this situation? Both need to get involved, and teach their children that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable. This girl needs to learn to stop provoking other children. The boy need to learn other strategies to deal with conflict, because retaliating and physically assaulting another person is never a good solution. As he has learned, it simply causes more and different problems...

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stillafool
Even if the girl wasn't going to stop if he were to walk away like he had done before?

 

He tried telling one of his teachers the first time it happened but it was excused as an ''oh sounds like maybe she likes you'' and it wasn't taken serious. He also tried ignoring and walking away but it didn't work either. That girl would sometimes follow and corner him towards a wall.

 

I wonder what would have happened if a boy beat up on a girl because "he likes her". How ridiculous. She sounds like a bully and he was perfectly within his rights to defend himself.

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SocialButterfly

They're both made to write a whole apology letter to one another on Monday. My cousin still explains the push was to get her to stop punching him on the shoulders, to get her off him.

 

What really shocks me the most is the teacher that said that ''maybe she likes you'' comment is male. Just when you think that a man would have understood the situation better and be more compassionate, nope.

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SocialButterfly
I wonder what would have happened if a boy beat up on a girl because "he likes her". How ridiculous. She sounds like a bully and he was perfectly within his rights to defend himself.
yeah I don't understand the whole ''maybe she likes you'' part either and that was coming from a male teacher.
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stillafool
yeah I don't understand the whole ''maybe she likes you'' part either and that was coming from a male teacher.

 

And, so what if she does "like him" it doesn't mean he likes her back and certainly not her abuse. Probably because he doesn't like her.

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It sounds like he acted in self defense.

 

However, in this world of zero tolerance for school violence & bullying even the victim gets suspended. The schools are using a misguided approaching teaching children not to stick up for themselves or solve their own problems but instead come tattling to an adult. Since that is the policy, any child who doesn't behave in accordance with that policy gets suspended for being violent.

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Both engaged in violence, so both are suspended. Sounds like not the first time either. I wish it were possible for witnesses to always know who the instigator was, but it's not because the friends will just lie on behalf of their friend. He needs to be told never to push or hit a girl, ever, and that it's not okay for her to hit him either, but no justification to hit back. And tell him he needs to run off immediately and tell the teacher or whoever if she does it again.

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You guys are around 12 years old or so?

 

while the girl is probably the instigator here, it is never ok for a guy to push a girl to the ground, he has to control his temper,

 

like it will not be long until the guy and girl will be hooking up and if a guy at 12 thinks it is ok to push a girl then what will he think at 15 or at 17,

 

at 12 you are big enough to hurt someone of your own age by using physical force so you need to become aware that physically hurting someone is completely unacceptable,

 

and of course it is unacceptable for a girl to engage in violent activity also,

 

Bullying is a big problem both physical and mental and it seems to start at around your age or slightly younger

 

more needs to be done across schools/society as a whole to stop it.

 

Could you take the initiative yourself, start a social media thread yourself based on cutting out violence and bullying within your school, parents and teachers need to come on board, but I think the main thing is for kids to get the message that violence and hurting someone is not cool.

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SocialButterfly
Sounds like not the first time either.
Nope, it's not the first time she hit him.

There were a couple witnesses; an acquaintance isn't very close to them and the girl's two friends. All of them said the same version. The girl has been physical towards (also took away his lunch a couple times) him for nearly 4 months and this is the only time he pushed her. That explains why he came home a couple times with a small bruise on his left shoulder. He walked away afterwards and felt some guilt.

 

It was installed to him from his toddler years about not hurting girls unless it's really self-defense.

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SocialButterfly
You guys are around 12 years old or so?
Yes, he's turning 12 during the summer vacation.

 

while the girl is probably the instigator here, it is never ok for a guy to push a girl to the ground, he has to control his temper,

 

like it will not be long until the guy and girl will be hooking up and if a guy at 12 thinks it is ok to push a girl then what will he think at 15 or at 17.

He does feels some guilt about it. Though he did admitted that if it was another boy punching him, he wouldn't have just shoved. He would have punched the boy back. Basically if it was another boy, the bullying wouldn't have lasted a single day, much less for 4 months.

 

Bullying is a big problem both physical and mental and it seems to start at around your age or slightly younger

 

more needs to be done across schools/society as a whole to stop it.

 

Could you take the initiative yourself, start a social media thread yourself based on cutting out violence and bullying within your school, parents and teachers need to come on board, but I think the main thing is for kids to get the message that violence and hurting someone is not cool.

We're definitely going to get involved. This bullying has to stop. Hopefully things get worked out.
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somanymistakes
I wonder what would have happened if a boy beat up on a girl because "he likes her". How ridiculous.

 

Unfortunately that happens all the dang time and girls are usually told they should be flattered by the attention.

 

Doesn't mean it's right, of course.

 

As for the punishment, sounds like typical lazy teachers to me. They don't want to actually intervene in situations if they can help it, so they punish everyone involved in the hopes that any future fights won't be reported. Sometimes they punish people just for reporting fights!

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stillafool

I've never heard of little boys beating up girls to show they liked them. I've seen them pull their hair maybe but not punch them. Most people (even the worse) teach their boys not to punch and beat up on girls. The problem is no one teaches girls how to treat boys.

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somanymistakes
I've never heard of little boys beating up girls to show they liked them. I've seen them pull their hair maybe but not punch them. Most people (even the worse) teach their boys not to punch and beat up on girls.

 

Nope, sorry, I hear quite a lot of stories, and I've lived a few myself, and no matter what the boy does, the teachers reframe it as "he's just pulling your pigtails because he likes you!"

 

Now, boys generally will not punch a girl in the face. THAT's usually considered beyond the pale, anyone who did that would be shunned.

 

But pushing, shoving, knocking them down, stepping on their feet, trapping them in rooms or against walls, spitting on them, yanking on their clothes, snapping their bra-straps, dropping things down their shirts...

 

Basically all the things that the OP said the girl did, and worse, is commonly done by boys to girls and it's often excused with the "he just likes you" line.

 

It's not right for a boy to treat a girl that way and it's not right for a girl to treat a boy that way either. But teachers generally don't want to intervene.

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Dandelioness

I think gender is irrelevant. A child got physical with another child and schools have zero tolerance to that (so they say). I think the issue most definitely needed to be addressed.

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Shining One

Unfortunately, school's zero tolerance policy requires him to be punished as well. I remember a "fight" in one of my early school years after coming to the US. A girl tried to kick a boy. He caught her foot and she fell after losing her balance. They both got in trouble for it, despite him technically not doing anything to her. I think the only way a kid doesn't get in trouble is if they stand/lie there and take the beating.

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Sounds technically appropriate given that she received "more" for being the instigator.

 

 

I don't think suspensions are a good consequence though, in general. Kids are more than happy to get time off school. Detention or social work would be much better.

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Shining One
I don't think suspensions are a good consequence though, in general. Kids are more than happy to get time off school. Detention or social work would be much better.
While the OP didn't specify, the penalty for fighting in the schools I went to involved internal suspension. You still went to school, but you didn't go to your class(es). It was basically a really long detention. They wouldn't escalate to external suspension unless you were a repeat offender.
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whichwayisup
Both of them are in 6th grade. He only shoved her to the ground once and walked away. Even though the girl did get suspended for 3 days, he still got suspended for 2 days.

 

However it's not the first time that girl (she's 4 inches taller and a bit heavier too) has gotten physical with him. A couple times in the past, the girl has stomped on his foot, spit at him and punched him on the shoulders. We just found that out recently. I don't think it's fair.

 

It seems like a lose-lose situation even from an early age.

 

BOTH obviously have issues that need to be dealt with. That girl is a bully and needs professional help. Your cousin reacted due to the circumstances and suffered the consequences of shoving her to the ground. He could have just walked away or told a teacher. Instead he reacted and got physical as well.

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While the OP didn't specify, the penalty for fighting in the schools I went to involved internal suspension. You still went to school, but you didn't go to your class(es). It was basically a really long detention. They wouldn't escalate to external suspension unless you were a repeat offender.

 

 

I still don't see how this makes sense, since all it does is put a kid behind in his classes. The point of detention is that it is done after school or during lunch break and therefore takes away your LEISURE time, not class time.

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The Outlaw

No, but there nothing is ever fair. Most people will look for a quick suspension with no investigations and that's it. I don't condone it, but she's lucky she only got pushed down. Some people are far less tolerant of that and will do a heck of a lot worse.

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SocialButterfly
BOTH obviously have issues that need to be dealt with. That girl is a bully and needs professional help. Your cousin reacted due to the circumstances and suffered the consequences of shoving her to the ground. He could have just walked away or told a teacher. Instead he reacted and got physical as well.
He did told one teacher the very first time it happened and given the excuse that maybe she likes him. As for walking away, he's been doing that for nearly 4 months. Sometimes the girl would follow him and back him against the wall.

Well school is nearly over. Hopefully the girl has gotten the message and stopped.

 

He definitely doesn't like her at all. He finds her ugly both on the inside and outside.

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