Is it a Myth? If a guy wants to see a woman, he will make it happen

[Youngestdaughter]

I have heard men say that if a guy wants to see a woman, he will make it happen. I don't believe this is necessarily true. The husband of a friend of mine told me the first time he asked her out, he offered her a ride to a party. "That way, if she said no, it was my car she was rejecting.". I think a lot of men are too shy or afraid of rejection.

 

Several men have told me at high school reunions but we're afraid of rejection, including one beautiful boy I thought was out of my league! I was a cheerleader on the debate team, thus referred to as "hot dork" and voted "Best Smile" and "Biggest Flirt" but by no stretch of the imagination could I be called beautiful by anyone besides my dad.

 

Other than being neither conceited nor insecure, just comfortable with myself, what could have been intimidating about me is beyond me, except most of my friends were male. My feeling is only the man with a lot of confidence himself or a reasonable degree of certainty of a yes will "make it happen.".

 

I cannot know but I think most men need some encouragement in the form of skilled flirtation and some so terrified of rejection, the fuel has to ask him or create a scenario. So, Ladies and Gentleman, you're opinion please. If he doesn't "make it happen" is he not interested or do some guys need a little help?

Edited April 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and move to GRD

[Youngestdaughter]

One more thing, my husband is very shy. But I was attracted to him and new he felt the same. He was a family friend and, one day at my sister's he was there and I said, "You haven't said a word to me today. Is it on account of that crush you have on me?" He turned bright red and went inside without a word. And when I was ready for a relationship, I had to send word through my niece. Otherwise, I am certain he never would have pursued me. And we've been together 14 years...but just Mt experience

[BaileyB]

I have heard men say that if a guy wants to see a woman, he will make it happen.

 

I cannot know but I think most men need some encouragement in the form of skilled flirtation

 

I don’t actually see these as being mutually exclusive. If a guy is interested, with a little encouragement and some skilled flirtation, he will make it happen...

[Springsummer]

that was basically what my counselor/therapist told me.

 

Thank you for sharing the experience, now I know differently! but I have never flirted and am disabled in that department:(

[mark clemson]

Yeah, some men are indeed shy and will need encouragement. Many if not most people fear loss more than gain, so the natural anxiety and fear of the potential humiliation and "down on yourself" feelings of rejection make many men cautious even when compared to the potential gain of a GF.

 

There are guys who are completely over all of this and have no issue asking for e.g. a date. There also from what I understand some who when looking for sex can plow through 50 women until they get a "yes". That sort of thing has always seemed insincere to me though.

[preraph]

The older I get the more I feel that if the man can't handle the normal stuff leading up to going out with a woman, he's really not good dating material and basically just not ready to date. I have had bad experiences taking the lead on those type guys because it wasn't just about dating they were not confident or proactive -- it was about life in general. Couldn't handle their own problems, hated confrontation, would live with a crappy situation rather than dealing with it. Just my personal experience. There's exceptions to everything. A lot depends on age, but not all outgrow that, especially these days of holing up with electronics. Like years ago, an anxious teen -- well, we were all a bit anxious, and then we kept trying until we grew out of it. These days, I don't see that as much, but I do see people on here trying to find the magic bullet for how to do that. My magic bullet advice is fake it til you make it. But if you don't even have the gumption to do that, I can't help ya.

[Springsummer]

I have had bad experiences taking the lead on those type guys because it wasn't just about dating they were not confident or proactive -- it was about life in general. Couldn't handle their own problems, hated confrontation, would live with a crappy situation rather than dealing with it. Just my personal experience.

 

um... indeed, if someone is not confident and proactive then it's hard to succeed in life, men and women alike.

 

nowadays even women are required to have those attributes in order to have a good job.

[thefooloftheyear]

What a bunch of nonsense...

 

So a guy has to jump through all the hoops and move mountains for a woman or he's not worthy of anything?...And can't even succeed in life?

 

Keep believing that and I am sure you will eventually find your Prince....

 

Newsflash...

 

Aside from the fact that yes, some guys are very shy, others just aren't the type to heavily pursue women..The guys that work the hardest are usually the least desirable< IME...And perhaps he's pursuing one woman relentlessly because he has no other potential options...I mean, think about this logically ladies...

 

TFY

[Youngestdaughter]

I've just seen so many posts from men saying "If he was interested in you, he would ask you out." I wasn't saying they were mutually exclusive. I was actually saying exactly what you were. Some men need a little encouragement. Some men need you to wave them in like a stewardess in an airport. And some guys, Lord love 'em, in whom a girl has no interest, are certain she's in love and just playing hard to get. I even gave one of them a long speech about how NOT interested I was (don't judge me. Id been polite for weeks). And, when I was done, he said, "Lose the attitude, Babe. You're a lot sexier without it." I just burst out laughing. I don't even remember what all I said. There was definitely something about, "Even if I were on a desert island for years eating raw oysters." And, well, you gotta love a guy who responds like that. People are unique. I was just trying to dispel the idea that he must not be interested if a guy doesn't ask a girl out. There are a myriad of reasons...and there's really nothing more to flirting than eye contact, listening intently-which we should all do when someone is telling us about themselves-and a sly smile like you're sharing a private joke, and being confident and comfortable in your own skin. I would never have said that to my husband were I not certain of his interest.

[Logo]

Yeah, some men are indeed shy and will need encouragement. Many if not most people fear loss more than gain, so the natural anxiety and fear of the potential humiliation and "down on yourself" feelings of rejection make many men cautious even when compared to the potential gain of a GF.

 

 

I think neither one of the two sexes is innocent in all this. Men may ask a woman out once they see some encouragement in the form of flirtation, but some women flirt because they are either naturally flirtatious -- as are some men -- some flirt to see if they still "got it" and some flirt to get an ego boost.

 

So even flirtation can sometimes be an ambiguous sign.

Edited April 26, 2019 by Logo

[chillii]

yEah and all this confidence bullshyt all over the net , so the only men- or women, who are successful in life or have mates, are this supreme confident being.

l swear 1/2 the people on the internet have never stepped out their front door or seen the real world, and the other nearly 7 billion people and couples and types of people that make it all up.

Suddenly this last few years , apparently we're all suppose to be clones and only one thing will work in life or love, are people out there really that limited in their comprehension these days.

 

He might make it happen , he might not, take a look, people are different, she might make it happen too , or she might not, and obviously be failure in life too then l guess.

And you bet some encouragement goes a long way too, but there are also many women that just flirt, and play games, and pat their egos, and the not so gullible will see through her like glass and wanna see what she's really made of first, and on and on it goes.

One of the biggest chick magnets l've ever known is a guy that can't look anyone in the eye and had been a bum for 25yrs.

Edited April 26, 2019 by chillii

[todreaminblue]

i feel guys have to show a bit of courage and confidence....confidence and courage in asking in spite of fear....fear is normal and understandable...most people dont like rejection in fact i would say nearly all..who are ok upstairs dont like rejection....

 

if a guy cant ask me out due to lack of courage....its actually one of my characteristics i seek in a guy ..i would say a must have...life is a challenge and cowardly behaviour isnt something i respect.....i do respect mental fortitude and courage..

 

i have never treated a guy badly who has asked me out.i am approachable and friendly..like most women are......

 

when i have rejected ....i take it easy on them....most women do ...its not something most women enjoy doing.....i respect a man who is forthright.....so i treat them with honesty and compassion..it doesn't pay to sit back when you like someone.....thats not the way the world works...and fear is normal....it means there's care behind that fear...you just have to have courage in spite of fear..

 

and in my experiences....guys who truly do care....jump in..and go after who they truly care about...deb...

Edited April 26, 2019 by todreaminblue

[d0nnivain]

Even factoring in shyness & fear of rejection, a interested man will do something to make his interest known. It may be very subtle, so subtle you miss it. But in the example about offering a ride, that is a step. The man is setting up a situation where he will have the woman in a small space for some period of time which should give them the ability to talk.

 

The phrase comes from a book called He's Just Not That Into You. It explains that after a 1st date the excuse of he's too busy is a cop out. If you care about something you make time to do it. When that effort isn't forthcoming you have to conclude the interest isn't there.

[Wallysbears]

There are so many variables. It depends on the individuals.

 

I'm a pretty outgoing and type A person. In such, I needed a man that was strong of character, knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to go after it.

 

So I didn't ask men out. Because, long term? If a guy couldn't approach me and ask me out? I knew they'd likely be the type of man i would "run over' in a relationship and I'd find that incompatible and not sexy in the long run. (BTDT in my younger years and knew what would happen inevitably)

 

But that's just me and what *I* wanted and needed in a partner.

 

 

For others, they may be most compatible with a more laid back or reserved person. So the rules there might be different.

[FMW]

I think the saying is primarily meant to tell women to stop chasing men who aren't making any effort in their direction - primarily because those men just aren't that interested, like d0nnivain alluded to. If you're showing your interest and he doesn't make a move, let it go is the message.

 

There is a big difference in those situations and the ones described where men might be shy and need clear encouragement. I think most of us women can tell the difference if we're honest with ourselves.

[thefooloftheyear]

There are guys, that for a variety of reasons won't "work hard" to pursue women...It could be that they have a variety of women they know are readily available, they could be driven in their career or hobbies, or even dealing with a "situation", like a sick family member....

 

I know this much....

 

Women who sit around hoping for guys to do all the legwork or somehow feel like if a man isn't moving heaven and earth to be with them that they aren't interested or worth it often are left holding the bag....

 

Also bear in mind....This isn't the "old days" where men often had to wine and dine, ask her parents permission etc just for a date...Add to that the relative ease of available women for dates, casual sex, etc.. guys are just not working as hard because in many cases they really don't have to..."Aggressive" women often the new winners at this game...

 

TFY

[preraph]

I don't think we're talking about moving heaven and earth. I think most women would find that a bit over the top and scary in its intensity. We're talking about just having the nerve to get one little sentence out: Would you like to go out sometime?

 

If someone can't do that, they're not ready for much of anything in life.

[Gretchen12]

I have heard men say that if a guy wants to see a woman, he will make it happen. I don't believe this is necessarily true. The husband of a friend of mine told me the first time he asked her out, he offered her a ride to a party. "That way, if she said no, it was my car she was rejecting.". I think a lot of men are too shy or afraid of rejection.

 

The point is he DID ask her out.

[todreaminblue]

I don't think we're talking about moving heaven and earth. I think most women would find that a bit over the top and scary in its intensity. We're talking about just having the nerve to get one little sentence out: Would you like to go out sometime?

 

If someone can't do that, they're not ready for much of anything in life.

 

If someone can't do that, they're not ready for much of anything in life.

 

too true...one sentence doesn't need to be rocket science..or moving heaven and earth..i feel where women have to aggressively pursue men is where it all goes wrong...nothing has to be aggressive...just thoughtful and honest...when a guy likes a girl....he asks her out......deb

[Youngestdaughter]

In the book and movie, He's Just Not That into You, it says exactly that and it was a dating guide at its time like The Rules. And I saw a post -I don't remember where-a guy told a girl he wasn't interested in her or he would have asked her out. I know girls ask guys out now, but I have only known one who actually has. So, it's been my experience that the pressure is still on the man, or most of it. But I am glad to hear someone say they've never heard that. And I hope your message reaches girls who feel they just have to wait and boys who think it's all on them.

[Youngestdaughter]

I totally agree that it shouldn't be so hard. Nor do I think anyone should have to aggressively pursue anyone. That's why I went off on that guy who wouldn't leave me alone. I was just saying a man not asking a woman out doesn't mean he's not interested..and how vexing it was guys I would have loved to have gone out with telling me 5 and 10 years later they were too intimidated. I'm was and am a warm friendly person! And, like I said, I was no great beauty. I cannot see how I could have been intimidating. I can only assume they were shy.

[Youngestdaughter]

I don't know. Every time anyone asks anyone out, there's a chance of rejection. No one likes rejection. It's no less trouble to ask someone out than it is to give him encouragement...or she can ask him as women do now.

[Wallysbears]

 

Women who sit around hoping for guys to do all the legwork or somehow feel like if a man isn't moving heaven and earth to be with them that they aren't interested or worth it often are left holding the bag....

 

Also bear in mind....This isn't the "old days" where men often had to wine and dine, ask her parents permission etc just for a date...Add to that the relative ease of available women for dates, casual sex, etc.. guys are just not working as hard because in many cases they really don't have to..."Aggressive" women often the new winners at this game...

 

TFY

 

what do they "win"? A wishy washy dude that they aren't sure is even truly *into* them?

 

I'm old school in a lot of ways. I didn't chase men...men chased me.

 

Women allowing men to "chase" them allows women to know exactly where a man stands. And whether or not he likes her or is "into" her. There's no "does he like me" if the man is the one calling you and asking you out on a date.

 

Sorry if I'm old fashioned that way guys...but that's just how I am.

[Youngestdaughter]

There are guys, that for a variety of reasons won't "work hard" to pursue women...It could be that they have a variety of women they know are readily available, they could be driven in their career or hobbies, or even dealing with a "situation", like a sick family member....

 

I know this much....

 

Women who sit around hoping for guys to do all the legwork or somehow feel like if a man isn't moving heaven and earth to be with them that they aren't interested or worth it often are left holding the bag....

 

Also bear in mind....This isn't the "old days" where men often had to wine and dine, ask her parents permission etc just for a date...Add to that the relative ease of available women for dates, casual sex, etc.. guys are just not working as hard because in many cases they really don't have to..."Aggressive" women often the new winners at this game...

 

TFY

I have a friend who asked her husband out I sent word through a mutual friend that I was interested in my husband. I knew he was attracted to me but too shy. Later, he told me he thought I was out of his league. And he is a strong, moral man who works 12 hours a day to support his family and comes home every night. My daughter is 20 and she would never ask a guy out. But she knows how to get one to ask her. She learned from me.... now I have to worry if she's intimidating too. But neither of us spent many Saturday nights alone And if an aggressive woman is happy being aggressive, she is the winner and vice versa. It's a matter of human nature on both sides. No one should sit around waiting for anything. Nothing just comes to anyone. But if a boy is shy and it's not in a girls nature or upbringing to ask him out, there are things she can do to encourage him. Not talking about aggressive pursuit or sitting and waiting, just realizing when a little encouragement when needed.

[Woggle]

Nothing wrong with old fashioned but riping up the old social contract while wanting to go back do it when it is convienient is hypocritical. It is a new era and both genders need to adapt. If a woman truth is not for a man then he doesn't need to chase.