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Attracted to bad guys before knowing they're bad


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Over the past few years there have been a handful of guys that I either was attracted to from a distance, flirted with, or got somewhat involved with. 2 have been in serious legal trouble, (sexual harassment investigation at work, and one arrested for beating up his partner). The other was rumored to be running sex parties from his home with various co-workers, and the other was just a general tool whose misogynistic views eventually came through. One whom I actually dated was from online the other 3 I knew through work, all master degree educated professionals, respected etc. Nothing that would be flags or giveaways other than being conventionally good looking and varying degrees of charm.

 

Is it just inevitable that in dating odds are there'll be some bad apples or does this seem a disportionately high#?

 

This is not including the mm I had an A with. I've done therapy, spent a majority of my time single, being a mom, working on myself, building strong female relationships, etc. Yet...??

 

Granted I did feel something might be "off" with these guys that I paid attention to and put up boundaries when it became appropriate but it freaks me out that this is a "type" that seems to have an initial draw for me at all. Like I need to just stay away from anyone I'm attracted to because inevitably they'll be revealed to be horrible. Is it that I am subconsciously noticing what I'm trying to avoid rather than focusing on what I need to to attract? Developing a 6th sense I should be grateful for?

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What kind of guy are you attracted to? Maybe it would help if you describe the qualities you go for? There might be clues there.

 

Maybe you like guys with an unpredictable 'edge'? This could be good but also a portent of problems ahead.

 

Perhaps you could also say what you don't like about guys, what puts you off them.

 

I suspect that somewhere in the for and against descriptions will be the reason why you have tended to end up with 'bad boys'.

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