Myasylum Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 Met a girl last night and she was on crutches... She was super cool, and being the kind person I was kind of helping her out a bit. Her crutches fell down and I picked them up for her. Things like that. She knew other people there as well, and it was obvious to me she was quite out going, so the attention she gave me was just how she was with everyone. People like that are hard to read. I helped her out to this other section of the bar, and I suddenly just felt stupid. I liked her and wanted to ask her out, but?? It seemed weird just following her around all night like a puppy. So I just walked away and did my own thing. She had plenty of friends there. A while later I saw some other guy hitting on her. You know?? What could I do? Lol. Very awkward situation. We do have 1 mutual friend. So I was thinking about asking g her out to her through him, but I think it may be too late. The ship may have sailed. Any suggestions? What should I have done? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 Ahh, just wondering, why would you follow her round like a puppy, def' too much attention well unless she's following you everywhere too and obviously sticking with you , and why would you ask her out through a friend, how old are you ? Sorry but we have to take the man card away for awhile, punishment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myasylum Posted April 6, 2019 Author Share Posted April 6, 2019 Maybe I should say... I didn't want to be following her around like a puppy dog, so I did my own thing. And I'd ask her out through a friend because that's the only way I'd have contact with her. Once I get her contact info, Facebook or what have you I'll be more than happy to ask her out. The whole crutches thing just really through me off, because there has to be a fine line between being helpful, and helping to much. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 Well that's all a relief then. Anyway good luck , hope she says yes. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 If it’s meant to be it will be. You shouldn’t have left her. A truly kind person puts others before themselves if the other person is in need, which she obviously was. You only half went out of your way. And you only probably did it to get in her pants. Not very chivalrous at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 And I'd ask her out through a friend because that's the only way I'd have contact with her. Once I get her contact info, Facebook or what have you I'll be more than happy to ask her out. I never understand the hesitation here - what's the downside? She probably remembers you, good or bad who knows? Ask her out, if she says no, life goes on. Fortune favors the brave... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 You only half went out of your way. And you only probably did it to get in her pants. Not very chivalrous at all. Really a cheap shot. He found her attractive, tried to help. He's not looking for a medal, simply trying to figure out how to follow up... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 Excuse me? He said a next guy was hitting on her and took over where he left off. Now he wants to ask her out. No need to attack me by calling it a cheap shot. He left her because he cared more about how he looked helping than he did about actually helping. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 She's single, even if she liked that final guy she talked to, so you should just get her info from your friend and not mess around chit-chatting and just DM her and ask her out. "Enjoyed meeting you the other day. Would you like to go out Saturday night?" Simple. She'll say yay or nay and you'll move on if she says nay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myasylum Posted April 6, 2019 Author Share Posted April 6, 2019 Interesting way to look at it. Here's the thing... Females don't like to much attention. You come across as needy, or being overly nice, puts you in that dreaded freindzone. - Don't want to be that guy. Some woman are strong woman who don't want any help. Not enough attention and they just walk away. - don't want to be that guy either. It's always a high wire act and depends on the person. The other guy didn't "take over" he just ask her out, and she didn't really give him an answer. I actually did find a way to message her! She just said, "Thanks for the convo"... didn't sound very enthusiastictic. But I may just see her tonight! See where this goes. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 Here’s what I see. You’re reading into her as far as what women like, and women don’t like, and you can’t do too much of this but have to do enough of that. It’s like you’re going on some script or something. And you’re finding it hard to read hers. Why not just be yourself? And see who she is too rather than going on some preconceived ideas about all women in general? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myasylum Posted April 6, 2019 Author Share Posted April 6, 2019 Good point! I appreciate that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 Good. Then while I have your attention follow through on being a kind person if that’s who you are. And don’t worry about how it looks to others because at the end of the day the most important opinion out there is the one you have of yourself. Now go get her! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 (edited) Asking a woman out isn't acting needy. It's just straightforward confident behavior. Waiting is weak and doesn't work out. Interesting way to look at it. Here's the thing... Females don't like to much attention. You come across as needy, or being overly nice, puts you in that dreaded freindzone. - Don't want to be that guy. Edited April 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 (edited) The whole crutches thing just really through me off, because there has to be a fine line between being helpful, and helping to much. From personal experience, I have noticed that people in general, and those with ummm less abilities, don't want others to feel sorry for them. They might also have a lot of pride so they prefer to do everything on their own. My rule of thumb would be to treat her like I treat anyone else who doesn't use crutches, unless she actually needed my help. I wouldn't want to be her care taker. Do you see what I mean? Two extremes. Too much, or none at all. A good middle ground is a safe bet. If the crutches are temporary, that's a different matter entirely. Edited April 6, 2019 by Logo Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 (edited) Interesting way to look at it. Here's the thing... Females don't like to much attention. It also depends on how that attention is given. Running around like a butler or a nanny is different from giving warranted and desired masculine attention. There's attention and then there's attention. Which reminds me, there's also ....Nevermind, let's keep this clean. Edited April 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 7, 2019 Share Posted April 7, 2019 No need to attack me by calling it a cheap shot. My intention was to defend the OP. Apologies if it didn't come across that way. He said a next guy was hitting on her and took over where he left off. Now he wants to ask her out. Why are these mutually exclusive circumstances? She wasn't lost in the woods, there was a group of people there. The OP helped her once (guess he could have run the other way?), decided she was fine from there and is now considering following up. Why the need to make him a bad guy? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 7, 2019 Share Posted April 7, 2019 Because i believe a gentleman would’ve stuck by her side rather than worry about how weird it was to help her out. He puts his needs before hers in that instance. It’s not making him a bad guy at all, just makes him not a great one. He asked what he could have done better. So I told him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 7, 2019 Share Posted April 7, 2019 have to agree with amay..... helping and worrying how it looks helping...is that really helping ...which is meant to be a selfless act...helping should be second nature ...to help others is what we should do as humans..its not something you have to think about hard....you see a person in need...as a human...you help them... i suggest op ask her out asap....and i hope everything turns up roses....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 7, 2019 Share Posted April 7, 2019 Because i believe a gentleman would’ve stuck by her side rather than worry about how weird it was to help her out. Guess we’ll just disagree. He helped her until help - by him - no longer needed. Maybe he didn’t want to be the subject of a “Weird Guy Kept Bothering Me” thread here. Change needed, but a fine line for men to walk today... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 7, 2019 Share Posted April 7, 2019 (edited) Because i believe a gentleman would’ve stuck by her side rather than worry about how weird it was to help her out. But how does SHE feel? Did she want or need the help, or did she feel he was taking advantage of her crutches to make inroads? One woman's gentleman is another woman's pest. Also, if the conversation had stalled and she was ready to talk to other people, it would have been rude of him to follow her around to assist. OP, when you suddenly felt weird, was it because your and her conversation had stalled and she was now talking with others? If so, leaving her to it was the polite thing to do. Edited April 7, 2019 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 7, 2019 Share Posted April 7, 2019 But how does SHE feel? Well since she thanked him for the convo but not the help I’m guessing she feels the same way that I would and not see it as much help at all. But I really don’t know because I’m not her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myasylum Posted April 8, 2019 Author Share Posted April 8, 2019 Yea, I've noticed some people on this forum seem to look for problems rather than help solve problems. Anyway... Crutches are temporary... I did ask her out. It wasn't a yes or no answer unfortunately. Kind of this safe middle ground kind of thing. She's busy this weekend and probably the following weekend , she's not a good planner, she'll have to get back to me when she's free. Thought that was a blow off kind of answer, but we text back and forth all day. I guess that's something. See where it goes I guess. Thanks for all the helpful responses! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 Because i believe a gentleman would’ve stuck by her side rather than worry about how weird it was to help her out. He puts his needs before hers in that instance. It’s not making him a bad guy at all, just makes him not a great one. He asked what he could have done better. So I told him. Then you don't know gentlemen at all. A gentleman also knows or feels when enough is enough and may bow out due to being polite and not wanting to come off like a creep or interfere. Holding a door open for a woman can be a gentleman's behavior, opening every damn door in the building for her is creepy. Just because he helps her out and finds her attractive doesn't mean he wants to get in her pants right away. Maybe he liked her, began getting to know her, then at some point he felt awkward continuing. That is far from just wanting to get in her pants, a more pushy guy probably would. It's a very narrow view to say he just wanted to get in her pants. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 Holding a door open for a woman can be a gentleman's behavior, opening every damn door in the building for her is creepy. If I were on crutches I’d think it was sweet if a man did that for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts