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shouting out my name/metoo


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I have not had much to do with this man. Not much in common. We hardly speak. Too, I have a relationship. He chased me 2 years ago until I got blunt

 

 

 

Problem is that he shouted out my name recently as if there was no boundary. I walked into my local bar. And there he was shouting my name out, wanting me to notice him.

 

 

 

We are all in our 60s. He is old enough to be fully aware of his actions and their effects, and would not shout like that if I as with my boyfriend.

 

 

 

Feeling harassed. Any thoughts?

Edited by darkmoon
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I don't see how someone recognising you and calling out your name is behaving egregiously.

 

Heaven forbid someone try to speak to you?

 

I think you are blowing this out of proportion, since from what you describe he has done absolutely nothing wrong.

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Read the original story properly. Cheers.... a man shouts out - not just speaks - at a woman when she is with her boyfriend? ... of course not, the shouty pest is a opportunist

Edited by darkmoon
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What difference does that make boyfriend or not. I've walked into places and I've known people to shout out to me, my wife and other acquaintances and friends.

 

Calling someones name really isn't atrocious behaviour.

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Bars are often noisy places, people who are ageing don't always have the best of hearing. Shouting in such locations is perfectly reasonable. Being human isn't offensive.

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I was not with my boyf.

 

 

 

No man would let another man commander his woman's attention; shouting is dominant if you are the only one doing it, which he was, as he took advantage of the situation.

 

 

 

I have rejected this guy numerous times. We are not friends, so him calling out my name (as distinct from a smile, or just saying something) is just dominant/pushy.

 

 

 

Why dominate/push? Please tell me that.

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okay - so, where does metoo begin and end if not at the points that the woman says they do?

 

 

 

what are the basics, the 1-2-3 series of actions, all established, understood and agreed upon that constitute harassment?

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Agree. Normal. If you don't like people shouting hello to you in a bar, don't go to bars.

 

(This is not even close to qualifying for your "metoo" in the thread title.)

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I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill to be honest.

 

When you go where there is lots of alcohol being consumed you have to expect the unexpected.

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Wallysbears

Shouting your name isn’t harassment.

 

Shouting something like “hey moon...nice tits” would be.

 

Do you see the difference?

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stop creating problems where none exist. A man shouting out a woman's name in a crowded, noisy environment doesn't constitute harassment.

 

 

 

If you have asked him not to do it, it may be gauche, but I don't think it's harassment.

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plenty of what harassment is not, but am still asking precisely what it is -

 

 

what are the basics, the 1-2-3 series of actions, and types, step by step, all established, understood and agreed upon that constitute harassment?

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losangelena
plenty of what harassment is not, but am still asking precisely what it is -

 

 

what are the basics, the 1-2-3 series of actions, and types, step by step, all established, understood and agreed upon that constitute harassment?

 

Wallybears made a great distinction two posts up. If he’d shouted about your breasts, or how much you want to fondle them, that’s sexual harassment. Being loudly greeted by someone you don’t particularly like is unpleasant, but it’s not sexual harassment.

 

Did you feel unsafe when he yelled at you?

 

While we’re on the topic, #metoo started as women began signifying that they, too, had experienced sexual harassment. This is not the thread to get into the social and political implications of that “movement,” but it was aimed at getting men to be held accountable for their actions, and that sexual harassment is a more widespread issue, since women have been afraid to speak out over it.

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Typically for something to be considered harassment there is an element of threat, intimidation or offensiveness. Or an element of unwanted persistence. He wasn't lewd or getting in your face or blocking your way or creating what would reasonably be considered a hostile environment.

 

You didn't like it and your feelings are valid, I just recommend identifying them and categorizing appropriately as something other than harassment or a metoo moment

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CautiouslyOptimistic
plenty of what harassment is not, but am still asking precisely what it is -

 

 

what are the basics, the 1-2-3 series of actions, and types, step by step, all established, understood and agreed upon that constitute harassment?

 

There is not one formula. It would be impossible to list the precise formula for the infinite ways harassment could present. Did he continue to shout your name over and over? That would qualify. Shouting once in greeting? It's very odd that you would feel harrassed over this.

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I disagree with a lot of people here. You were blunt and told him to leave you alone, so he should be leaving you alone. I would feel uncomfortable too, but just ignore him and tell him if he tries to talk to you, "I'm not interested, still." or just walk off.

 

I had a waiter that wouldn't stop with me, also old enough to know better and had a family at home to boot. I had to bribe other servers to not let him come to my table at times. The managers knew about it. This went on for years. After I had made it so clear I didn't want him to be around me, then he still kept bringing me tea as an excuse when I wasn't even in his section and had asked for another server. I was afraid he was spitting in it or something after it had to be apparent to him that I was avoiding him. I just didn't want to deal with him at all or let him near my food. It's still my favorite restaurant. He finally retired this year. Yay. He was a good server when he wasn't being Pepe LePew, so that's why they kept him, I guess.

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Get you a seat if possible with your back to the wall so you can not only see him coming but also it would be hard for him to get to you if presumably there was a table in front of you. If that's not possible, just get a spot where you can see him headed your way and get away easily. Why can't some people take no for an answer? It's not harmless either. People who can't take no for an answer are messed up.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I disagree with a lot of people here. You were blunt and told him to leave you alone, so he should be leaving you alone.

 

We have no idea what time lapse was between her telling him to leave her alone and him spotting her in the bar and shouting a greeting. Or even how long ago this bar incident was. I have a feeling it wasn't even recent.

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loversquarrel

If this guy hasn't left you alone why wont you just call the police? If you think the police don't need to get involved then he really hasn't crossed a threshold of actual harassment.

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okay - so, where does metoo begin and end if not at the points that the woman says they do?

 

I'd guess you're going for something along the lines of Biden's "benign sexism", where intent doesn't matter as much as reception.

 

But there has to be some reasonable allowance for human interactions.

 

Would you feel it was harassment if he looked at you across the bar?

 

Mr. Lucky

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I have a feeling it wasn't even recent.

 

Given the OPs long standing aggressive stance against feminism and metoo, I have a feeling it's hypothetical and written with the goal of poking holes in the issue of sexual harassment.

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