MeadowFlower Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 Guys, what are your feelings on having female friends? (not your ex) Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 l always thought it'd be nice having a female or two for friends but somehow it's just never seemed to work out for me. And no it wasn't because l was hoping to sleep with them or wanted more, matter of fact that turned out vise verse in the end, a few times and pretty well killed it off. These days l sure wouldn't bother looking for it but l'd still be fine with it , maybe it's one of those things though that your suppose to clear the air up with first , dunno. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 I have a few female friends who aren't exes. I'm happy to have female friends as long as the friendship isn't only about me doing non-sexual "boyfriend" things for them when they're single. I'm not free manual labor, a chauffer, or a provider of free meals and/or entertainment. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 I have plenty of females that I'm friendly with and speak to frequently. That being said I don't call, text, or otherwise hang out with them, I just don't find that respectful towards my wife as she's the one who gets all of that from me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 No female friends for me... If I'm being friendly towards a woman, that means I'm actively trying to sleep with her. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 No female friends for me... If I'm being friendly towards a woman, that means I'm actively trying to sleep with her. That's just weird to me. Do you believe that women's only value is to potentially assuage your sexual needs? I get that sexual tension / unreciprocated feelings can get in the way of friendships with women but I've experienced them only as bumps in a long road. Needless to say, I've had decades long friendships with women by this stage of my life. Very important people to me. So, OP, yes. Plenty of men and women are friends. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeadowFlower Posted March 31, 2019 Author Share Posted March 31, 2019 I just don't find that respectful towards my wife as she's the one who gets all of that from me. Thumbs up Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 About two thirds of my friends are female. Some are exes (most exes are not friend material, though). Depending on where they live, I may see them weekly, or every few years. All became friends with my wife, too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeadowFlower Posted March 31, 2019 Author Share Posted March 31, 2019 No female friends for me... If I'm being friendly towards a woman, that means I'm actively trying to sleep with her. So you only see women as an object.. Do you believe that women's only value is to potentially assuage your sexual needs? ?? ^ Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 I have friends who I can trust and will have my back. Gender does not matter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 I treat them the same as I would my male friends. I often do different activities with each of them, but that's more because they're different people with different interests. I find that it's generally (not always - depends on the context) easier to talk about emotional things with girls than guys. It's unfortunate that there is still that stigma around guys opening up to each other, but many (not all) guys tend to sidetrack a conversation if I'm needing to open up/vent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Every female friend I've had has eventually become sexually attracted to me. So since I'm married it's not a good idea. Women are awesome though. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 So you only see women as an object.. Not at all, I've worked with many intelligent women and have had female business associates. I have no need for a female friend, so I wouldn't seek out a close friendship with a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 That's just weird to me. Do you believe that women's only value is to potentially assuage your sexual needs? The question was could I be friends with a woman, which I answered, truthfully. It had nothing to do with her value as a human being or contribution to society. I can very much appreciate the accomplishments of women in varied fields and have worked with some brilliant women. I have no desire to be friends with them, though. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 (edited) I don't keep close female friends as a rule. The ones that turned out "good" I really didn't like how it turned out in the end (Looking back I just view the whole friendship as a waste of time). The ones that turn out bad I get a lot of unreciprocated feelings, resentment, general anger, etc. about. Just not worth it in my book. That said being casual friends with them is fine. I just refuse to make a close female friend. Edited April 1, 2019 by dispatch3d Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Hubris and arrogance aside, Mike Pence has the right idea. There are many women out there who I'm sure would have a lot to offer in a friendship situation, but nothing is more important than the relationship and intimacy I have with my wife. Nothing could pry my attention or eyes away from her, but there's always a risk of complications when men and women hang out together. Whether it be people interpreting it the wrong way, the woman getting ideas, none of it is worth the impact it might have on the most important person in my life. ^What my first post should have been. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeadowFlower Posted April 1, 2019 Author Share Posted April 1, 2019 (edited) @gaius, I wouldn't want my s/o or husband to have friendships with other women. And it's very good that there are guys on this thread who are saying that they wouldn't have female friends due to their wife. It's a 'thing' with me, where guys have a close female friend/s who isn't their s/o. To me their s/o should be (or eventually become) their closest female friend. Some males would disagree. But I need not care what they think. I should've said in my question for guys who are single. @loversquarrel, very cool what you said re "... my wife as she's the one who gets all of that from me" Edited April 1, 2019 by MeadowFlower Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 The question was could I be friends with a woman, which I answered, truthfully. It had nothing to do with her value as a human being or contribution to society. Yet ... you will not "be friendly" towards any of them unless you are "actively trying to sleep with them." That actually must take quite a bit of conscious effort, unless you are universally unfriendly to all the people you encounter in your day to day life. Trying to assign unfriendly behavior specifically to a particular gender seems like it would become a PIA. But maybe I'm projecting. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 @gaius, I wouldn't want my s/o or husband to have friendships with other women. And it's very good that there are guys on this thread who are saying that they wouldn't have female friends due to their wife. It's a 'thing' with me, where guys have a close female friend/s who isn't their s/o. To me their s/o should be (or eventually become) their closest female friend. Some males would disagree. But I need not care what they think. You're limiting your dating pool exclusively to men who don't think that women are worth being friends with. Otherwise you will be dating men who have female friends, at least if you're of a certain age. Do you think men whose only interest in women is sexual contact are likely to make the best partners? If you do date men with women friends, it will be a bad move to go to "it's her or me" place. Such ultimatums are rarely beneficial for any relationship. All that being said, I agree with the idea that friendships with the other sex need to be handled carefully in order not to harm the primary relationship. It's not that hard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 I have several female acquaintances who I'm friendly with, some from work and some from my personal life. I have one female "true friend" but she lives far away. We get together for coffee or lunch and catch up 2-3 times a year. As you'd imagine, I notify my wife about exactly what I'm doing whenever we meet so it doesn't become a trust issue. I think it's acceptable to have female friends IF it's not causing issues with wife/GF. I think wife/GF perspective trumps keeping any particular friend as long as it's not unreasonably broad, e.g. NO female friends. In my view that shows a control issue. If specific females are felt to be too attractive or otherwise threatening, I can understand and agree to drop them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Yet ... you will not "be friendly" towards any of them unless you are "actively trying to sleep with them." That actually must take quite a bit of conscious effort, unless you are universally unfriendly to all the people you encounter in your day to day life. Trying to assign unfriendly behavior specifically to a particular gender seems like it would become a PIA. But maybe I'm projecting. I pretty much keep my distance from all people, universally. I wouldn't characterize it as "unfriendly", I just keep to myself. I only have a few close friends. I'm polite and friendly towards my neighbors, but they are by no means my friends. I can be polite and professional in a business atmosphere without being friends with someone. When I worked, I kept the door to my office closed, went home for lunch or ate alone, and didn't involve myself with co-workers outside of necessary communication to complete a work related task. I learned very early on (the hard way) NOT to be friends with co-workers. You will get stabbed in the back. Even before #metoo, there was Anita Hill / Clarence Thomas and we (men) all learned (back then) to be careful what we said at work to female co-workers. Less was better! For the record, I can turn on the charm and be friendly with a woman if I am actively seeking to date her. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Nothing could pry my attention or eyes away from her, but there's always a risk of complications when men and women hang out together. Whether it be people interpreting it the wrong way, the woman getting ideas, none of it is worth the impact it might have on the most important person in my life. I've never feared "complications" because any arising would be one-sided, quickly communicated by me to my wife and no threat to my marriage. Some of the stated approaches would also seem to limit friendships with those of different cultural or ethnic backgrounds. After all, you might say or do something unintended that could be misinterpreted, right? Most of my friends come from sports and hobbies I'm involved in, pretty even split between men and women. I just let "me be me" and try to use openness and good communication to nip any "complications" in the bud... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Guys, what are your feelings on having female friends? (not your ex) it's great if you're dumb and stupid. if a guy wants to become effeminate then by all means he should have tons of female friends. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeadowFlower Posted April 1, 2019 Author Share Posted April 1, 2019 You're limiting your dating pool exclusively to men who don't think that women are worth being friends with. Otherwise you will be dating men who have female friends, at least if you're of a certain age. Do you think men whose only interest in women is sexual contact are likely to make the best partners? If you do date men with women friends, it will be a bad move to go to "it's her or me" place. Such ultimatums are rarely beneficial for any relationship. All that being said, I agree with the idea that friendships with the other sex need to be handled carefully in order not to harm the primary relationship. It's not that hard. "... men who don't think that women are worth being friends with." No, no, no, no. I wouldn't want to date a man with that thinking. There's a difference between female friends and female close friends. "Do you think men whose only interest in women is sexual contact are likely to make the best partners?" And no, absolutely not. Ick. "If you do date men with women friends, it will be a bad move to go to "it's her or me" place. Such ultimatums are rarely beneficial for any relationship." I would hope that it would be a natural thing that takes place. That is, the woman the guy is dating will become closer over time to him than his women friends, and she will become his closest and best female friend. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Some of the stated approaches would also seem to limit friendships with those of different cultural or ethnic backgrounds. Exactly what I was thinking. I'm sure there would be plenty of people who would feel that being friends with members of other races / cultures / religions / social strata are ill advised as well. I disagree with all of them. Link to post Share on other sites
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