Sunnydaysandsome Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 Hi All, Just interested in others thoughts. I'm reflecting on recent dating experiences. At the moment I'm single and quite happy with my life. I haven't been looking activity for a special someone, a few men have cropped up who were in my life. I dated them and now I am not friends with them. I know that they weren't right for me and I'm okay with that but I find it sad because I was friends with them before. Maybe not great friends but could share a joke, now I (or they) avoid me. Date 1 - an old friend, always got on with him... never really noticed him as he never made any moves on me. We had a kiss and a few dates but I didn't really feel it. He deleted me of fb and didn't speak to me for two years. We are now friendly but it is quite business like... not the same. He went travelling so not seen him for over a year but he sometimes will message me if I message him first. Date 2 - Guy from work, didn't speak to me much before the dates. We only had 5 dates and he was flakey. I told him I'd rather not continue as it was making me feel bad; him turning up late, generally lack of effort etc. He hasn't spoke to me since and avoids me at work. Yes I know new people will come into my life, but right now it feels quite lonely. On reflection I think I only dated them because I was lonely so I'm trying to think more carefully about the next date. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 These guys were not friends, they were guys who were hanging around you as orbiters, once it was clear there was no hope of a relationship/sex they binned you. One only answers if you text first and the other avoids you. Most younger men and some older men too, see no point in being friends with a woman, unless sex or a relationship is on offer, either at present or in the future. As they have BTDT with you, you are no longer of interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunnydaysandsome Posted March 30, 2019 Author Share Posted March 30, 2019 I binned them. I suppose it is natural they would want to avoid me. I still feel a bit sad about it though. I've never been able to be friends with anyone I've dated. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 These guys were not friends, they were guys who were hanging around you as orbiters, once it was clear there was no hope of a relationship/sex they binned you. One only answers if you text first and the other avoids you. Most younger men and some older men too, see no point in being friends with a woman, unless sex or a relationship is on offer, either at present or in the future. As they have BTDT with you, you are no longer of interest. honestly I wouldnt have any interest being friend zoned by a guy I dated either.... some people when they date they are looking for a romantic partner and dont need/want friends 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 I've never been able to be friends with anyone I've dated.How many people have you dated? I'm still friends with a few of the women I dated in the past. They were all women I slept with though, with one exception. I'll freely admit that I'm more inclined to build a friendship with a woman I dated and slept with than a woman I dated and didn't sleep with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunnydaysandsome Posted March 30, 2019 Author Share Posted March 30, 2019 I've dated over 30 something men in my life. I had a period of OLD and that generated several dates a month. Never had anything to do with any of them since. .. plenty of people to avoid in my town. I don't generally sleep with them unless I'm in a relationship with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 At the moment I'm single and quite happy with my life. I think the one thing you can do is to keep focusing on these things which are making you happy in your life, whatever or whoever they are, and that will give you peace of mind, heart and home--and that's a quality that is attractive in a person. I think that if you're at peace with your life, it makes others want to bask in that peace. Some people love chaos and disorder or it's all they know and can't do better. Those sorts don't work with you. Unfortunately, the older we get, the harder it is to find partners who are also not down with chaos... as Bruce Springsteen wrote "they learned to live with what they can't rise above..." Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 (edited) Well first off, dating a "friend" most of the time doesn't work out because the true attraction wasn't there...just maybe emotional attraction. I'm a believer of instant sexual attraction. I know it's not for everyone, but it might be a better option for you so maybe keep that in mind. Try dating men you just met, and get to know them on dates instead of "friendships". This will cut down on the bull $%^& IMO. And any guys that are "friends" just keep them right where they are, most likely still be around as friends. As for coworkers, never a good idea. Don't poop where you eat. The work enviroment goes awkward and sometime hostile. Not worth it. Edited March 30, 2019 by smackie9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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