What's wrong with dating?

[Curiousroxy86]

In dating whether online or offline. Do you think the problem is that people are too picky or not selective enough?

[basil67]

Possibly too picky. I'm old, so I'm of the generation where most would date a few people and marry one of them. We didn't need dozens of offerings on OLD to churn through and hopefully find someone. And dating new people (as in trawling through options) wasn't a pastime.

 

Other problems could be 'too much choice' and the resulting 'FOMO' because of all the other options out there.

[Purepony]

I think one of the reasons to is because some of these apps depending on which one you have make some of the pictures look really really movie star like and people think that they have more options than they did before and now they start looking at it as hey I can do better online

 

I think women could do better then they can in real life of course when they meet then it’s a different story

 

Sometimes iMessage a girl who is like a five or a six that I probably wouldn’t even talk to online and I won’t even get a response when I know I can do better than someone like her but you know she probably has other choices and probably better looking guys who just wanna mess around with her and then drop her anyway but I think that’s what gets to them

[Gretchen12]

Kind of both. Problem is that a lot of people pick whoever is more attentive and whoever looks good to others. So they're very picky and intolerant when the person does not text back right away. But actually that person is not even right for them, he or she just happen to be the one giving attention, so in that sense they're not picky enough.

[basil67]

I think one of the reasons to is because some of these apps depending on which one you have make some of the pictures look really really movie star like and people think that they have more options than they did before and now they start looking at it as hey I can do better online

 

And here is another example of one of the problems with dating: it's all about looks. Thinking that one 'can do better' is all about how visually pleasing that person is and personality doesn't come into it.

[Rocker71]

Wasn't it Bob Dylan who sang "The times they are changing"?

 

Times are changing. With the advent of the internet, humans are changing and evolving in how we interact with each other.

 

Back in the 60's and earlier, it was common to properly court a girl, take her on dates, and for the guy to sell himself to her on why he'd be a good marriage mate.

In the 70's couples would meet, have somethings in common, start living together before marriage. Then a tinge of something would get into their head about why they don't get married, since they're already living together like a married couple anyways.

 

The 80's were a blur to me. I was married in the 90's.

 

In the 2000's we were hearing about the skyrockering divorce rate.

 

Now, we are officially in the 'hook up' culture.

Women have so many options at their disposal. They can line up 10 dates for a Friday night, go on a date and flake on the other 9. Or...go out with her girlfriends and flake on all 10. Make fun of all the guys texts who appear over eager to have a chance at these women.

 

Things have flip flopped. 40 years ago a guy could give a girl a rose and a card and she'd be flattered enough to go out with him and give him a chance to court her.

Now, when a guy does that, he gets soft rejected. He's making his feelings known too soon.

40 years ago a woman would be wary of a guy who just wants sex. Now, if a guy doesn't make a move to escalate towards sex he's rejected as being 'a nice guy'.

 

Back then it was relationship first, then sex. Now it's sex first then there may be a relationship.

Now men are waking up. A lot of us are aware that there is some sort of 'game'.

Women are getting an overload of the attention they crave online without having to 'put out'.

Human interaction is always evolving.

Edited March 26, 2019 by Rocker71

[smackie9]

I don't know what you were doing in the 70's but I recall that Studio 54 lifestyle of drugs and free for all sex. People zipped up during the AIDS epidemic. Now that's all settled down, people are back at it.

[basil67]

Rocker, the 60's also heralded the start of the sexual revolution. And I can assure you that it was still going strong when I was young in the 80's. As Smackie said, AIDS put a dampner on it all, but people aren't so cautious about it anymore.

[alphamale]

if I wanted to lower my standards I could have a different woman every week

[Mr. Lucky]

We didn't need dozens of offerings on OLD to churn through and hopefully find someone.

 

I think this is an overlooked phenomenon, lots of research supports the idea that, after a certain point, more options are not necessarily a good thing.

 

Like basil67, I met and dated my wife pre-Internet. Looking back, between work, my social group, places I frequented and activities I was involved in, there was probably a pool of 25 or so realistic relationship candidates I interacted with on a regular basis.

 

Is 250 profiles an improvement in finding a partner? How about 2,500 pictures, swipe left or right?

 

More does not mean better...

 

Mr. lucky

[chillii]

l've never really dated as such more waited for the right person, old school, and so has anyone l've ever been in something with or ex w.

But if forums are anything to go by my God , l couldn't think of anything worse it sounds like a nightmare.

So with that and being the way l've always been, personally l think you crazy if not not v selective.

But again too , if forums are anything to go by there also seems to be so many games and internet bs these days now, blows my mind. You'd never heard of 99% of it 20yrs ago.

So l think you could blame a wholeeeee lot of it on all that bs too.

Edited March 27, 2019 by chillii

[littleblackheart]

Personally, I find any social interaction in real life to be a lot easier than online - more genuine, less pressurised. Almost like a world apart. I suspect dating would be the same for me.

 

I see online relationships as being sanitised, ultra competitive, confusing, time-constrained and potentially bringing out the worst in people - be it insecurities or a warped sense of your own importance. I see that with colleagues or family trying to date online - from the outside, it looks utterly depressing.

 

With that said, plenty of very successful relationships have come out of OLD; my close friend met her H of 10 years on 'Match' - they met within 2 months of signing up, they were both deadly serious about wanting marriage, they live in a huge metropolis and have hectic jobs where they work/travel a lot, so it made sense for them.

 

So basically, there's nothing wrong with it if you know what you want and you are realistic / genuine with how you present yourself. It suits certain personalities and lifestyles more than others.

[metalbabble]

Tough question because the answer is both.

 

We often settle too soon without a proper sample to take from, but we also tend to select based on stupid qualities that we find out are unsustainable after we've already entrenched ourselves with the person.