coordination Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 My boyfriend has a pretty big trust problem due to his previous girlfriend cheating on him less than a year ago. I know he gets really paranoid whenever I go out to a place where other guys could potentially try flirting with me. He doesn't want to but he literally can't help it. He immediately feels inferior and thinks I'm gonna like another guy more than him. He insists that I should do whatever I want and be happy, have fun and don't worry about him but I can see it causes him such pain when these thoughts start to pour into his mind (he'll want to take a break from talking to me for a while, he'll have trouble sleeping, etc). Thankfully, I'm not really much of a party person and I don't really go clubbing or anything like that so this it's a rare occasion when I actually do go out like this. But still, when it does happen, I never really know how to deal with the situation. Does anyone who's been/ knows someone who's been betrayed in the past know how to cope with this kind of thing in a relationship? I'm still kinda new to this whole thing since he is my first boyfriend and I'm constantly worried he's gonna wanna end things whenever I see him in a bad mood like this. I appreciate any advice Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 Although I get very frustrated with people like him, do things to ease his mind. When you are out, shoot him a quick flirty text letting him know you are thinking about him. Send another one when you get home so he knows you're safe. If after you doing that for a while he doesn't ease up & stop punishing you for his EX's character flaws consider if you really want to live this way. Link to post Share on other sites
bmh Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 I agree with the poster above. It sucks that he is “punishing” you for a crime you didn’t commit. If this isn’t sorted quickly, I fear you will grow to resent him because of his behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 Hello. You need to wake up. He is that way because he's controlling. The bit about having been cheated on, is the oldest excuse that a controlling person uses to justify mistreating you. And yes, punishing you with his bad moods when you go out is mistreating you. He'll make you feel you need to reassure him. That's a control tactic to make you cater to him. Sure, couples do things for each other, but not for this reason, not out of fear of his moods, fear of losing him. Link to post Share on other sites
juliamartin Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 My boyfriend has a pretty big trust problem due to his previous girlfriend cheating on him less than a year ago. I know he gets really paranoid whenever I go out to a place where other guys could potentially try flirting with me. He doesn't want to but he literally can't help it. He immediately feels inferior and thinks I'm gonna like another guy more than him. He insists that I should do whatever I want and be happy, have fun and don't worry about him but I can see it causes him such pain when these thoughts start to pour into his mind (he'll want to take a break from talking to me for a while, he'll have trouble sleeping, etc). Thankfully, I'm not really much of a party person and I don't really go clubbing or anything like that so this it's a rare occasion when I actually do go out like this. But still, when it does happen, I never really know how to deal with the situation. Does anyone who's been/ knows someone who's been betrayed in the past know how to cope with this kind of thing in a relationship? I'm still kinda new to this whole thing since he is my first boyfriend and I'm constantly worried he's gonna wanna end things whenever I see him in a bad mood like this. I appreciate any advice I used to struggle with this for years - I always wondered if I was doing it "wrong" or if I should continue chasing him, or if he should be chasing me...then a friend of mine introduced me to a different approach which completely change my view. https://strongestrelationship.wordpress.com Check it out - it made a huge difference for me and my friends, and there's tons of information on the site, even if you don't want to do anything other than read! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 IMO this goes beyond his past betrayals. In fact, it's likely that his inherent insecurity and feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem, he created what he feared worse in those past relationships but doesn't see how he may have in fact driven them away with accusations. So don't assume those women were monsters. Maybe one was and maybe not. Maybe he's the problem. Insecurity and low self-esteem are HIS problem and you don't get that way from being cheated on only. A healthy self-esteem may be more inclined to think, I'm glad I found out what that person was like before we had kids and keep going, though any mature adult will not just trust unconditionally until they really know the person. His failure is to be able to see that you are not the type of person who would hurt someone she loves intentionally. But he will drive a wedge by assuming you are if he doesn't get some help. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 My boyfriend has a pretty big trust problem due to his previous girlfriend cheating on him less than a year ago. He has emotional baggage from his past relationship and putting it on you. These insecurities are HIS issues and need to be dealt with. It's unfair of him to put this on you when you aren't doing anything wrong. Seems he hasn't given himself enough time between relationships.... Deep down I'm betting you are questioning if he is actually ready for you to be his girlfriend. He needs to do some counseling to help him cope with his insecurities in a healthy way. If he doesn't this relationship will not work out. Link to post Share on other sites
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