FMW Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 My xH sent texts to me tonight hinting at ending his life. We've been divorced for 3 1/2 years, have kept in minimal contact (no children), but I know he's having a hard time financially mostly due to his own actions and inactions. I googled his brother's name and city and left a voice mail message saying he had sent texts that concerned me and I suggested he keep an eye on him. I hope I reached the right number (surely if it was a wrong number someone would call me back given the message I left to let me know). The message on the machine just said "this is the (their last name)'s". I only met his brother's current wife once and don't know her voice. The texts were hints, i.e. "the end can't come soon enough", "I know what I need to do", and "my troubles will be over soon". I don't want to over-react and call the police (I have what I think is his current address, he lives hundreds of miles away) but it's really unsettling. He's never in the 27 years I've known him said things like that, but has been known to seek attention and pity. He may have been angling for me to send him money. Any thoughts on what else I should do, if anything? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 text him the number of a suicide hotline Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Call the police. Send them the messages and let them follow up. Not your burden to carry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 I would call the police and ask them to do a wellness check. He'll probably convince them he's okay and send them home, but you never know, they might snap him out of it. That's one reason I'd call the police. The other reason is so that he knows there will be consequences each time he threatens suicide that he will have to answer to. Very important. It's 3 little number, 911, wellness check. Not like you're turning him in for forgery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 sounds like he is looking for attention but you never know. tell him that if he wants to see a doctor you will go with him Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 (edited) I would call the police. If he has no plan, hopefully their presence on his doorstep will warning enough that he learns this is serious and not to threaten again. Edited March 20, 2019 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 This says to come right out and ask him if he’s thinking about suicide. https://www.speakingofsuicide.com/2013/04/12/if-you-suspect/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author FMW Posted March 21, 2019 Author Share Posted March 21, 2019 Thanks for all the responses. I just texted him and asked if I was reading his texts correctly, that he was talking about killing himself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 Thanks for all the responses. I just texted him and asked if I was reading his texts correctly, that he was talking about killing himself. Good job for being blunt. I’ve had to have a similar conversation in the past, it’s not easy. Hope all goes well. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 One reason you should call the police can you verify that is also that you shouldn't reward idle threats with attention because that may be all it's about and very manipulative. on the other hand if it's serious calling the police is the only action you should take that you won't have regrets about. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 I don't want to over-react and call the police (I have what I think is his current address, he lives hundreds of miles away) but it's really unsettling. He's never in the 27 years I've known him said things like that, but has been known to seek attention and pity. He may have been angling for me to send him money. All of which is why you should follow the prevailing advice and contact the local authorities where he lives. He probably is trying to work you, but if it's something more sinister not like you can drop everything and go there. You might also look online for a local crisis center in his community... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author FMW Posted March 21, 2019 Author Share Posted March 21, 2019 My xH eventually called me, said he "guessed" he had been talking about suicide, but that he had taken a nap and was in a better frame of mind. He said he didn't know what he was going to do to solve his financial problems. I told him he needed to talk to someone about about his thoughts, however fleeting, of suicide. He said "ok" and that he had to go, he was on his way to a temporary job to bring in some money. He apologized for upsetting me. Basically he was trying to dismiss the episode. When I got home from work today (I'm one of the few dinosaurs that still has a landline and I had used that to call instead of my cell) I saw that his brother (or at least his name and the number where I left the message) had tried to call me twice this morning, but left no message. I hope my messages unsettled him enough to keep an eye on my xH. I appreciate all the responses. If he ever contacts me again with similar messages I will definitely call the police to do a wellness check, I won't hesitate. I'm hoping it was mostly a play for sympathy to get me to send money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 I'm hoping it was mostly a play for sympathy to get me to send money. Let’s hope. But still, it’s important for him to realize that this kind of behavior is not acceptable. If he needs help, he should reach out. But, it’s not something he should ever do to get sympathy/attention. I’m glad it all worked out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 When I got home from work today (I'm one of the few dinosaurs that still has a landline and I had used that to call instead of my cell) I saw that his brother (or at least his name and the number where I left the message) had tried to call me twice this morning, but left no message. I hope my messages unsettled him enough to keep an eye on my xH. Is there a reason you wouldn't return his calls and discuss the situation with him? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 I’m glad he knows how serious it is to go around hinting at wanting to end his own life. Hearing that puts people in a horrible position because most people just want to help and a threat like that is not to be taken lightly. Hopefully he was just using it to try to manipulate you into giving him money and now sees threatening suicide won’t work out the way he wants it to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FMW Posted March 22, 2019 Author Share Posted March 22, 2019 (edited) Is there a reason you wouldn't return his calls and discuss the situation with him? Mr. Lucky He didn't leave a message, I just saw that he had tried to call. I left two messages the night before so I communicated the important information to him. I would be more than willing to talk to his brother, but since he did not leave a message when he did call back I assumed he wasn't necessarily looking to talk to me, just to acknowledge my messages. I was never that close to his brother and we haven't spoken since well before the divorce, so more than 4 years. Edited March 22, 2019 by Finding my way 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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