ElKay Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 So, having dated for 7 months, I've fallen for my boyfriend. He's very caring and loving, but hasn't said he loves me yet. I told him I loved him, saying that I didn't expect the word back since everyone gets there at their own time. He was super cuddly and started listing all of the things he likes about me. I feel like he's someone who would only say that a year into it or later. I'm comfortable waiting, but since this is only my third relationship, I wonder how it works for other people. How quickly do you say it? Or what's the longest you've waited? Does it depend on certain specific factors? Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 (edited) Both guys I've dated have told me they love me within 2 weeks and 1 month into being an exclusive relationship. I dated each guy "non exclusively" for about 2 weeks before getting the bf/gf label. Both times, they told me they loved me first. Personally, I think they told me way early (I didn't say it back to either of them right then and there). But I think 7 months is a very long time, I feel like he should be saying "I love you" by now. Edited March 19, 2019 by HiCrunchy Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 i really don't know when a person says i love you in a relationship its unique to the person involved...,i guess when they really feel it,the words will just come naturally..... sometimes people show i love you rather than say it however...and for me ..i feel that its just a special as the words....deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 If at 7 months he hasn’t said it...he never will. Link to post Share on other sites
SophieG Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 Took me 8-9 months to say it in my last relationship, and it lasted 4 years. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 How old are you? 7 months seems like a long time but the younger & less experienced you both are, the more OK this is. The longest I ever waited was about 3 months. If you are sexually active together, his failure to say the words could be a problem. He could just be scared. Do you know if he ever said it to somebody else? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 So, having dated for 7 months, I've fallen for my boyfriend. He's very caring and loving, but hasn't said he loves me yet. I told him I loved him, saying that I didn't expect the word back since everyone gets there at their own time. He was super cuddly and started listing all of the things he likes about me. Guess I'm in the minority here simply because I pay a lot more attention to how someone treats me than what they tell me. If he acts lovingly towards you then you know what's really in his heart. If the relationship is good, I'd be patient... Mr. Lucky 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 Guess I'm in the minority here simply because I pay a lot more attention to how someone treats me than what they tell me. If he acts lovingly towards you then you know what's really in his heart. If the relationship is good, I'd be patient... Mr. Lucky Me too. My boyfriend waited more than six months to tell me that he loved me... but, his actions told me that he did. Now, he says it all the time... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 sometimes people show i love you rather than say it however...and for me ..i feel that its just a special as the words WOW. That was perfectly said. I said it after about 2.5 months. I've learned that not everyone is comfortable talking about feelings, though (or even hearing someone else talk about feelings). Like todreaminblue said, actions can also clearly show love. Now I'm wondering if it's possible for someone to be married and not say it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 (edited) maybe shydad they can love someone be married without saying i love you......i feel a lot of the time i love you is thrown around....too easily.....and not meant...actions and how you treat someone consistent and always, can clearly prove love more so that the utterance of three words now and again thrown to be heard rather than really felt...........deb Edited May 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElKay Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 Hey everyone! Thank you for your answers! To give a little more background information, I definitely feel he loves me through his actions. He's gone the extra mile to make sure that we can spend the weekends together and always tries to spoil me with care and attention whenever we hang out. I've met his family and some of his closest friends. I even got invited on a mini road trip with the former recently! It was pretty fun. This is only my third relationship at 27. I had a LDR for a year and a half with someone who lives across the world and a 5-month relationship with someone local who treated me like **** for the last two months of it. I'm really enjoying taking my time and learning what a normal relationship can be like. I don't want any kids, so I'm not in a rush for that either. The way I see it, the world is my oyster and even if it doesn't work with this current guy, I don't doubt my ability to get back on my feet to find someone else. Something about him is that he's used to dating close friends, when they've already had years to know each other. Then, whether it's the physicality or their take on relationships, but it doesn't end up working out. When we started dating, I'll admit, I jumped the gun and slept with him on the third date. The chemistry was, and still is to this day, pretty intense. We once talked about it about a month into it and he said that he wanted to make sure that we had a lot in common outside of the chemistry as it was easy to get carried away. I agreed and we have made strides since, but I admit it's not the same as if we knew each other before even dating. Also, a little tidbit, but he actually threw in the "love you" a couple times in intimate moments just a few weeks in. He would only say it there and not outside the bedroom, so I had whispered back to him that he couldn't yet. xD I don't know if that ruined the mood for saying it, but it didn't ruin the moment. I feel like he just thought it was a thing to say..? I'm going to ask him about that this week. I forgot about this up until now. My best friend is actually the exact same as him in terms of taking a looooong time to introduce her bf as her bf to her family and a very long time before she said she loved him back, so when she explains her perspective, it makes me understand him more and be patient. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElKay Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 Oh and he's 11 years older, in case that gives any perspective? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Oh and he's 11 years older, in case that gives any perspective? Ah!!!!! So he's 38 with no long term commitments under his belt? Be careful. No coincidence you had sex on the third date, he probably engineered that way and all guys know women are a sucker for love so all those ILYs in the heat of the moment early on were designed to keep you sweet and on board, or just habit left over from his last relationship... Now he knows he needs to come up with real, sober, in the cold light of day, ILYs, but he remains silent... I know its hard but try not to project your feelings onto him or try to explain his feelings... You don't really know how he feels. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 He is saying it. Not everybody has or uses the words. Because he's at least using the casual version & he is showing you that he cares, I think you are on the right track. He'll get there eventually I think. I would not ask him about this. He's not a verbal guy & the conversation will be awkward & off putting. You have way more of a chance blowing things up then you do getting the resolution you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElKay Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 Yeah, I definitely see the effort and feel it from his actions, so I'll just enjoy the moment and see how it goes. Since I only said it a few days ago, I believe it's good to let it sink in for him, to mull it over and see if he's at that point or not. Once, when I was emotional, he told me that it takes him time to process strong emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 I only said it a few days ago, Once, when I was emotional, he told me that it takes him time to process strong emotions. If you just said it a few days ago, definitely do not push this conversation right now. He's acting like he loves you & he has said some version of I love you. Let him warm up to it, as is his way. If he hasn't said it in a few weeks / more then a month, then you can gently open up about the subject. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElKay Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 Yeah, sounds like the best way to go about it. Thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 he probably engineered that way and all guys know women are a sucker for love This does not match with my experience. Some men want mushy romance, and some women don't. It's ok for men to like it. It's also ok for women not to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 As long as he reacted well and didn't start backing off after you said it, nothing to worry about. Some guys will never say that until they are ready to back it up with a milestone commitment of some type, in other words, ready to put actions behind their words, and that is a good thing. I wouldn't say it again, though. Actions speak louder than words and are less awkward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElKay Posted March 22, 2019 Author Share Posted March 22, 2019 Yeah, I'm definitely not going to repeat the love word until I hear it back. He has been just as caring so far and was working on a small communication issue that we had in the past, so there's effort on his part. I'm just relieved to have said the word once to put it out there and just see what happens from that point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 I just read your post about him saying in the bedroom two weeks in. So that's him being "in love" with sex. That's so often the case, and women believe them sometimes. I'm glad you told him that was too soon. I mean, you'd think men would know better than to say that right during sex when all the mean is I love you for having sex with me or I love sex. I had one do that and then take it back once he wasn't having sex and realized what he'd done. He's treating you right, and you shouldn't focus on the L word. At least you know he can say it, but thing is, now you won't know if he meant it except by his actions, which are good so far, so if I were you, I just wouldn't put any value on the word at this point because of that. Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 I just read your post about him saying in the bedroom two weeks in. So that's him being "in love" with sex. I don't know if this is a certainty, preraph. What about the five love languages? I'm thinking of "physical touch" of course. If ElKay can confirm if her man likes cuddling, hand holding, hugs, etc, then I think he probably meant the words he said. If he can't stand affection, then I think you're right. Yeah, I'm definitely not going to repeat the love word until I hear it back. If you want to hear it, and since this is such a struggle for him, you might want to say it on occasion, so as to make it easy for him to say, "I love you too." Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 I am surprised by how quickly it seems some people say the “L” word. Besides my blood (father etc) I have told only two men that I have loved them - well, because I have loved only two men, and first one I chalk up to puppy love. I thought it was really fast when my now husband said he loved me after two months (and I responded that I loved him too because I do!) First time I ever had romantic love it took about 6 months. Perhaps there is something to the “if they haven’t said it by now they won’t” as I have had some relationships where it was never said. I liked them, I cared about them, but I didn’t love them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 (edited) If you want to hear it, and since this is such a struggle for him, you might want to say it on occasion, so as to make it easy for him to say, "I love you too." He only said it two weeks in during sex. That means zilch. Edited May 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElKay Posted March 23, 2019 Author Share Posted March 23, 2019 He's a total cuddle bug and loves physical affection, but I think those premature love you's were just because emotions (ie hormones) ran high. Link to post Share on other sites
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