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Needy boyfriend


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Old 13th March 2019, 3:23 PM   #1
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Needy boyfriend

I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year. We have a great relationship most of the time. We only see each other every other weekend because of kids schedules. The problem is I feel smothered sometimes. If too much time goes by between texts he gets mad at me. We do work for the same company and if I don't have time to talk he gets annoyed. I feel he wants to consume me. If I ever want time alone he feels rejected. What should I do? It's effecting the way I feel about him. It's a turn off and exhausting to have to constantly reassure him. I'm 48, he's 44..
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Old 13th March 2019, 3:58 PM   #2
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I personally wouldn't use "needy" and "boyfriend" (or girlfriend) in the same sentence, the relationship dynamic doesn't work for me.

And I'd have to question whether it's working for you...

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Old 13th March 2019, 4:54 PM   #3
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You need to be honest with him that it has to stop and is making you resent him and want to see him LESS. I don't see this working out in the long run.
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Old 13th March 2019, 5:24 PM   #4
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Have you told him how you feel & that he's pushing you away? Talk it through & try to reach a communications compromise.
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:05 PM   #5
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He's like this because the relationship isn't meeting his needs. Have you had a discussion about how he feels and tried to come up with some solutions which keep you both happy?
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Old 14th March 2019, 9:55 AM   #6
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I'm in a situation similar to yours but roles are reversed. I need more contact than he provides sometimes.

What we figured so far, is get into a middle ground - he calls a little more then he likes to, and I call a little less. That way we're both happy


Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnySide0418 View Post
I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year. We have a great relationship most of the time. We only see each other every other weekend because of kids schedules. The problem is I feel smothered sometimes. If too much time goes by between texts he gets mad at me. We do work for the same company and if I don't have time to talk he gets annoyed. I feel he wants to consume me. If I ever want time alone he feels rejected. What should I do? It's effecting the way I feel about him. It's a turn off and exhausting to have to constantly reassure him. I'm 48, he's 44..
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Old 14th March 2019, 10:10 AM   #7
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My ex-husband was like this from day 1. His behavior stems from insecurity. You can tell him that he is pushing you away and it may temporarily change his behavior but it wonít change his feelings. Men like this usually donít change. I felt suffocated throughout my marriage and leaving him was the most freeing feeling in the world.
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Old 14th March 2019, 10:26 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Have you told him how you feel & that he's pushing you away? Talk it through & try to reach a communications compromise.
Yes, I have told him, multiple times. He always says it's his issue and he'll work on it until the next time it happens. He treats me better than any other boyfriend but he's just so intense.
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Old 14th March 2019, 10:27 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by preraph View Post
You need to be honest with him that it has to stop and is making you resent him and want to see him LESS. I don't see this working out in the long run.
Honestly, I don't either. The thought of marrying him is suffocating.
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Old 14th March 2019, 10:29 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
He's like this because the relationship isn't meeting his needs. Have you had a discussion about how he feels and tried to come up with some solutions which keep you both happy?
Yes, we sure have. He wants more than I can give because whatever I do never seems to be enough. It's not like this daily but it seems to happen monthly.
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Old 14th March 2019, 11:48 AM   #11
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You see each other every other weekend (2x/month) going on over a year. It seems that he would like to take the relationship to another level and you are content to leave it as is.


I would guess it may be time to discuss the future or lack thereof.
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Old 14th March 2019, 12:32 PM   #12
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you need to dump this clingy chump Sunny. Find a real man who values both yours and his independence
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Old 14th March 2019, 12:45 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Timshel View Post
You see each other every other weekend (2x/month) going on over a year. It seems that he would like to take the relationship to another level and you are content to leave it as is.


I would guess it may be time to discuss the future or lack thereof.
We both have younger kids and live 45 minutes apart. He has 50/50 custody so no big decisions can be made until he's off to college. But you're right, I am content to leave it as is.
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Old 14th March 2019, 1:53 PM   #14
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It looks as though he hasn't received the memo. Have a nice home cooked meal and give him the memo, this (state boundaries) and let him know that this has agitated you to a point that you are feeling uncomfortable in the relationship.

You may have discussed the 'neediness' in the past but it seems regardless of agreed terms, his inclination is leaning towards more.



Given the length of your relationship and otherwise contentedness with it, I would be very candid with him at this point; without any waffling.

That you have posted here rather than figuring it out between the two of you, it's possible that you have not been straightforward.



This may be the end of your relationship and you will have to accept it, though it's been convenient.
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Old 14th March 2019, 2:17 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnySide0418 View Post
Honestly, I don't either. The thought of marrying him is suffocating.
Oh, by no means should you marry him! Just wait until you have kids and have to give the kids priority. He'll lose his **** and every time you're too exhausted to have sex, he'll have a meltdown. Look, it's okay to have standards for who you choose to stay with. There will be lots of people you really love but cannot live with or stay with because it would be miserable.
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