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She had always wanted a baby, he never has and never will...


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Old 12th March 2019, 5:09 AM   #1
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She had always wanted a baby, he never has and never will...

I am a person who never wishes to have children. I have never wanted a child, so when you read the first sentence please donít come at me with ďYouíll change your mind one dayĒ because I will not. If I had a dollar for every goddamn time someone told me that, iíd be a Billionaire.

My father once told me that iíd never know what love is until I had a baby. He said this to me several years ago, not when I was a kid to **** me up and make me feel the way I do as an adult. I laughed so hard at him and told him to **** off. Who are you to tell me how and when I can feel love for someone? I am sorry but children are not my thing. I am more than both capable and able to fall in love, deeply. I donít need to create another life to feel whole, or complete. Itís a total shame people canít get that through their head.

Now, I donít have an issue with people having children, if they both agree to it. Power to them! But when itís one sided... it seems a little, well more than a little OFF. Unless its agreed upon. Itís not hard to be all oh you really donít want a child in your life? Well, I am going to find someone that does want to build a family and is willing to try.

I also understand that there are women who wish to get pregnant but cannot due to whatever reason it may be, there are ways to work through this with a supportive partner that actually wishes to start a family. But, find that person... Not someone that wants no part in it. That isnít healthy for either person and also not fair to what they want in life. Why stick around just because youíre feeling sorry or that you get something else from the other, when you still feel so ďemptyĒ? This solves nothing and hurts both parties.

But, what I would like to know is that if someone can tell me whether or not it is absolutely insane to be with someone who madly wants a child when you do not want one at all? To me that seems extremely ****ed up. Youíre essentially getting in the way of something someone REALLY wants in their life.

To me it seems obvious... To, you know, run for the ****ing hills!!!! What if said person falls pregnant just to rope the other person in, for a life time commitment? The creepy conclusions are endless. It could be many reasons but I donít see any of them being understandable but I have been trying to.

I am trying to see how this all makes sense to people.

Surely I am not the only one that thinks its messed up? Like what the actual ****, people!!!!!
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Old 12th March 2019, 6:29 AM   #2
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There is a lot of vehemence in this post but I'm not really sure where it's directed to be honest. Of course you are fine and of course you should seek someone compatible - either someone who doesn't want kids or someone who could go either way. Lots of women fall within those lines too, it's not just men who don't want babies...
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Old 12th March 2019, 6:48 AM   #3
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Going to assume by the roles you assigned in your thread title that you're male.

Here's the challenge for you - you'll need to be very careful even in casual dating or just hooking up for obvious reasons, you're one condom break or miss-timed pill away from fatherhood. Which would make you one of the many, both male and female, not wanting kids but still stuck with parenting.

Nothing wrong with your position though, like Elswyth, a bit surprising in how it's expressed. With some caution, no need for you to ever change even a single diaper...

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Old 12th March 2019, 7:14 AM   #4
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I get it you do not ever want to get pregnant and never will, there are many like you, you are not a one off.

You need to make sure any guy you date is on the same page.

Trouble is, people do tend to change their minds as they get older, so some do assume that "He/she doesn't want kids but he/she will eventually change their mind." as that does happen.

I once worked with a girl who NEVER wanted kids, she had a good promoted career and had no interest in kids.
In her late twenties she met this great guy, she got pregnant, not sure if it was planned or not, but she changed overnight, she then became supermom, she loved every minute of it and they had 4 more kids...
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Old 12th March 2019, 7:32 AM   #5
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There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids, and in fact, it's probably far better that you don't have any if you know it's something you don't want.
I would advise you, if you are serious about this, to get a vasectomy. If you want to cover all your bases for the future, you can save some semen at a fertility clinic, so that, if you do change your mind, you could still have children, but it would be under your control.

If you do continue to feel being childless is the right decision for you, it will help to prevent any unplanned accidents.
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Old 12th March 2019, 7:37 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pepperbird View Post
I would advise you, if you are serious about this, to get a vasectomy. If you want to cover all your bases for the future, you can save some semen at a fertility clinic,
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At least she was one in her other thread
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Old 12th March 2019, 8:33 AM   #7
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Kids is a relationship "dealbreaker" so be upfront with anyone you enter a relationship with that you are FIRMLY in the "no kids" camp. Then it won't be an issue.
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Old 12th March 2019, 8:47 AM   #8
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It's unfair for somebody who doesn't want kids to stand in the way of somebody who does but it's equally unfair for somebody who wants kids to force parenthood on another.
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Old 12th March 2019, 8:59 AM   #9
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I am a female. This situation is between a friend and his partner.

I am trying to figure out how anything good can come of this.
And trust me, no he DEFINITELY doesnít want kids.

However, his partner constantly posts about how badly, she wants to start a family and how she is waiting to ďfindĒ one. (What the hell?)

It kind of seems like whatever their arrangement is that should she
stumble across someone that wants kids sheíll immediately ditch my friend.

I just think this is all insane, he is part to blame to though.
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Old 12th March 2019, 9:01 AM   #10
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Mind your own relationship. Are you sure this "friend" of yours isn't someone you have interest in?
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Old 12th March 2019, 9:01 AM   #11
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She knew this going into the relationship with him.
But she still whines about it and yet none of them
Are bailing. He loves her, she doesn’t love him.
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Old 12th March 2019, 9:02 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Wallysbears View Post
Mind your own relationship. Are you sure this "friend" of yours isn't someone you have interest in?
Seriously? I am terrified about what will happen to him. Heís my FRIEND.
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Old 12th March 2019, 9:11 AM   #13
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xdeadflowersx

Unfortunately this is one of those situations where you have no control. You can worry all you want but if you speak against your friend's SO, you will be the bad guy. He knows what's what & he stays. You have to accept his choice & you have to consider the possibility that you don't know everything that goes on behind closed doors.
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Old 12th March 2019, 10:01 PM   #14
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Itís not your place to become involved in their relationship. You may be well intended, but you have no control here and you need to respect their right to make their own decisions.

My best friendís brother has always said he never wanted to have children. He has been dating a woman for 15 years now who has tried to convince him to have children. It hasnít worked, and she is now of an age that itís unlikely that she could have a child if they were to separate and she found another partner.

The point of my story, itís their relationship and they made their decisions. Iím not sure what they have discussed, but I would hope that he has clearly communicated his feelings with her. If she chose to stay with him regardless, that is her decision. But clearly, if she stayed thinking he would change his mind... she made a huge mistake in judgment.
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