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Missing her or lonely?


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Old 10th March 2019, 3:05 PM   #1
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Missing her or lonely?

I dated someone recently and there is a possibility of continuing to date, but I donít know if I miss her for who she is, her personality, the connection We had or if I miss her because Iím lonely or miss the affection.

How do you tell the difference? I keep thinking about her.
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Old 10th March 2019, 3:42 PM   #2
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I just think you're lonely. Probably even getting out and starting a new hobby where you were around people would help. And you probably miss her a little too. Try to stay busy doing things you enjoy when you can.
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Old 10th March 2019, 4:03 PM   #3
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I just think you're lonely. Probably even getting out and starting a new hobby where you were around people would help. And you probably miss her a little too. Try to stay busy doing things you enjoy when you can.


I spend time with my friends, we laugh, we have a good time and I still feel lonely. I havenít had a connection like I did with her in 5 years. What if I have to wait another 5 to feel such closeness?
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Old 10th March 2019, 4:11 PM   #4
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Well, I guess it could. Staying busy always helped me get through it. Be sure and put yourself out there.
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Old 10th March 2019, 4:28 PM   #5
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Well, I guess it could. Staying busy always helped me get through it. Be sure and put yourself out there.


I miss her voice, I miss laughing with her.


Hobbies? I spent years alone. Iím not trying to be defeatist, but Iíve got more hobbies than 10 average people combined. Iíve tried everything out there that I liked. The thing is, Iím tired of the hobbies and Iíve been dating for 3 years now. Granted there werenít that many dates, but even after being selective and going on dates, I havenít found someone Iíve connected with like I did with her.
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Old 10th March 2019, 5:34 PM   #6
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I miss her voice, I miss laughing with her.
These things are specific and exclusive to her; it doesn't sound like anyone else would be able to fit that exact bill.

Would it be a problem for you, if this was, in fact, the case...that you're missing her, specifically, and it's not just a case of you feeling lonely?
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Old 10th March 2019, 7:30 PM   #7
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These things are specific and exclusive to her; it doesn't sound like anyone else would be able to fit that exact bill.

Would it be a problem for you, if this was, in fact, the case...that you're missing her, specifically, and it's not just a case of you feeling lonely?


Not at all. Itís complicated. Sometimes we meet a person and we find some positive traits in them that we havenít found in other people in a while. But then there are negatives that make the decision difficult, which I wonít get into.


My fear is going along with it, getting attached, only to find myself affected negatively. Iím already attached in a way as I keep thinking about her. But I donít know if itís her or if itís the companionship that Iíve been missing for a few years now since my ex.


Iím at a point where Iím giving the positives a lot of weight to rationalize being with her. But my mind is telling me, you donít know how things will turn out for you. You could end up in another grieving episode. Itís energy (the grieving) that I feel I cannot face or deal with anytime soon. Iíve exhausted my quota for the decade.
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Old 10th March 2019, 7:32 PM   #8
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If she dumped you which appears to be the case, then it doesn't matter because it's out of your hands as to whether the relationship will continue.
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Old 10th March 2019, 10:16 PM   #9
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There must have been something powerful in that connection or you wouldn't be missing her. That doesn't necessarily mean it's a good idea to continue seeing her. There was a reason you stopped seeing each other in the first place. Are you compatible for what you both want in the future? Has she shown herself to be trustworthy? Does she share your values? How does she treat you and how does she treat other people? Those are the sort of things that should determine if she's worthy of another chance or not.
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Old 10th March 2019, 10:31 PM   #10
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If she dumped you which appears to be the case





She didn't. I did.
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Old 10th March 2019, 10:37 PM   #11
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There must have been something powerful in that connection or you wouldn't be missing her. That doesn't necessarily mean it's a good idea to continue seeing her. There was a reason you stopped seeing each other in the first place. Are you compatible for what you both want in the future? Has she shown herself to be trustworthy? Does she share your values? How does she treat you and how does she treat other people? Those are the sort of things that should determine if she's worthy of another chance or not.


Something to think about.



And yes, it was a powerful connection. I don't know why. I'm trying to understand if my judgment of the connection was or is clouded by other things.

Last edited by Logo; 10th March 2019 at 10:53 PM..
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Old 10th March 2019, 10:59 PM   #12
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If there was such a great connection why'd you dump her?
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Old 10th March 2019, 11:34 PM   #13
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Nobody's perfect and there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. I say that because I'm assuming (probably incorrectly) that you dumped her because of some issue or incompatibility that turned you off. However, if that's the case, to me the fact that you miss her and so many things about her, tell me that your connection with her is probably greater than whatever issue it was that caused you to dump her. All that said, I think that you miss her, not because you are lonely, but because you genuinely like her. You should reach out to her, hopefully it's not too late. Good luck!

Also, try posting this question on the RGUE app (pronounced "argue") to try and get some additional perspectives.
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Old 11th March 2019, 3:08 AM   #14
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I spend time with my friends, we laugh, we have a good time and I still feel lonely. I havenít had a connection like I did with her in 5 years. What if I have to wait another 5 to feel such closeness?

your lonely but genuinely missing her too.
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Old 11th March 2019, 1:48 PM   #15
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Missing her or lonely?
Maybe they're effectively the same thing? Were you still together, you wouldn't be experiencing either feeling.

Since we're all a bundle of positive/negative attributes, doesn't mean breaking things off with her wasn't the right decision...

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