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How important is heritage to your expectations on a date?

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Old 9th March 2019, 11:25 AM   #1
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How important is heritage to your expectations on a date?

Let's not pretend that people are blank slates. If dating started from the zero point we would have nothing to work with in our interactions which is one reason not to believe life started with the Big Bang.

Anyway, I digress, how important is heritage to your expectations on a date? Do you make assumptions about your potential partner based on their heritage?

Do you find these assumptions are born out and if so in what way? When have you been surprised by your assumptions being wrong, and how?

Do you look for someone with similar heritage to yourself, or different? What makes someone of a different heritage compatible?

Thank you.

Last edited by Moderator; 13th March 2019 at 2:02 PM.. Reason: Fix spacing
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Old 9th March 2019, 11:44 AM   #2
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Do you mean ethnicity?
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Old 9th March 2019, 12:11 PM   #3
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The word I used was heritage, and that is exactly what I meant.

If you include ethnicity in heritage, fine, all to the good, or whatever, I'm down with that, maybe, without confusion, and so on, but the word I used was heritage.

So ethnicity could or could not be a component, that is one of the assumptions I'm talking about, I think, again, and so on, once again the word I used was heritage.

What about class, culture, education, wealth, inheritance, experience, peerage, assets, real estate, land ownership, profession, position, relation to the Queen, ancestors, friends and relatives?

As I said, the word I used was heritage, and I am interested in answers to my initial questions making use of that word, but not from you, I think, not really interested in being pitted against my friends, if you know what I mean, but yes I do sometimes think that my ethnicity is a turn off

Now can someone answer my questions please?

Thank you.
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Old 9th March 2019, 12:27 PM   #4
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I've never intellectually considered that it should be a factor, but in practice every guy I've dated or even felt attracted to has been of the same culture or a relatively similar one. I guess that like it or not, we all have things that we are attracted to, and social conditioning when we are young might affect that.

For instance, I can't feel any attraction towards a man that wants to split the bill. I don't actually have anything against splitting the bill in principle, and I certainly agree that people should do that if they want to. But just, doesn't work for me. It makes my clit scream "friends only!!!", lol. Just like how I can't be attracted to a girl, I guess - I've got nothing whatsoever against homosexuality but I can't feel any attraction.

In my culture, couples don't ever split the bill. Lived there for 20+ years and never seen it happen once - a man agreeing to split the bill was a social signal that he didn't want to have a romantic relationship with you. So I guess that's how that attraction pattern came about for me, and that's probably why men of a similar culture were inherently more attractive to me. A man of a different culture might share the same opinion, but chances are high that he wouldn't.
~Perfection is about accepting that we cannot control everything and letting go of some of our preconceived notions.~ -Spiritofnow-

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Old 9th March 2019, 12:46 PM   #5
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Thank you for your honesty Elswyth, I find the same in both my professional and romantic life, being mixed, I naturally want to split the bill, but what I can't fully understand is why my mixture is such an unattractive option for the majority, in many ways it cements the status quo, which is why I often turn to minorities for interest, indeed minorities are always the most attractive if successful, take the Aristocracy for example, I don't know what percentage of the population they make up, but it can't be more than 10% surely? Then there is the UN Security Council, another minority, again very attractive. Perhaps the problem with my mixture is it crosses official borders, in that though the country of my fathers origin is mixed, there are demarcations separating my mother's assets from my father's. What do you think?
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Old 9th March 2019, 3:05 PM   #6
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I never thought too much about it but I have always dated people that I met locally so there is some common ground. My husband & I share the same heritage.

I never tried to date somebody born in a different country. I don't know that I'd be opposed to it per se but I would be on my guard, lest I make a faux pas that inadvertently offends. I'm not generally culturally sensitive enough to do anything other then come off as the ugly American in some situations where more diplomacy is called for so I don't' think I'd do well dating far afield.
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Old 9th March 2019, 3:28 PM   #7
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For cultures built on hierarchy, such as UK, heritage very often is taken into consideration. In America, not so much, but some people still don't want a HUGE gap in finances in a relationship. But it's all over the map, really.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
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Old 13th March 2019, 12:09 PM   #8
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This well has been cleansed, but no one will drink from it.
This is a tragic mistake, for it has much to offer prince and pauper alike.

He could rescue them, if only they would trust.
For now, he must provide protection and small comfort from the shadows.
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Old 14th March 2019, 12:54 PM   #9
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Sure, as most people, I'll have a stereotype in mind based on their heritage before,
However, my opinion changes based on the person, not what came before,
The predisposition to judgement is an inherent curse of all people alike,
However, the choice is yours to accommodate such prejudice, or judge with your own sight.
Yes, I try to write my replies in rhyme!
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