LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > General > General Relationship Discussion

I'm sick of men who make excuses to not date you


General Relationship Discussion Everything else under the sun. Not sure where to post? This is the place!

Like Tree75Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 7th March 2019, 12:32 AM   #31
Established Member
 
Blanco's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,044
Sounds like he was upfront about not being over the ex and thus not wanting to pursue anything further with you. That is a reason, not an excuse. I kind of doubt you’d be handling this much better if he’d given you any other explanation for why he doesn’t want to see you again.
Blanco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 12:54 AM   #32
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 13,959
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auggie View Post
Well, what he ended up doing was because I led that horse to water AND made him drink (which is unfortunate, b/c I'd really prefer men to get there on their own to give a woman the respect she deserves).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auggie View Post
The convo only took about 20 minutes to get him to clarify that while he had a great time with me, he wasn't interested in pursuing anything, b/c he wanted to see about his ex-g/f (no one knows if that's true or not, but it's rejection of my interest so that's all I needed to hear).
Kind of sounds like things worked out. Kudos to you for being direct and the same to him for being honest. There's a lot of guys, feelings aside, who would have hung in there hoping to have their horse led to water a few more times ...

Mr. Lucky
__________________
Happiness is not a goal; it is a byproduct -

Eleanor Roosevelt
Mr. Lucky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 7:06 AM   #33
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 1,077
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blanco View Post
Sounds like he was upfront about not being over the ex and thus not wanting to pursue anything further with you. That is a reason, not an excuse. I kind of doubt you’d be handling this much better if he’d given you any other explanation for why he doesn’t want to see you again.



Ha , exactly what l thought , seems pretty cut and dry to me. l had to explain the same thing to someone.
lf you'd rather not know the reason just tell him op.
chillii is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 7:21 AM   #34
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,809
So...it wasn't an excuse, he'd been honest with you this whole time, and...you're mad because it sounded like an excuse?

I see no need to get into the gory details about why a relationship ends. The other person doesn't want to be with you anymore, so what else do you really need to know? Would you feel any better knowing they thought the sex was bad, or that your voice is annoying, or they fell madly and dramatically in love at first sight with a barista they met yesterday?
lana-banana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 3:40 PM   #35
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 242
all my life women, girls have made every excuse not to date me or meet or whatever. Goes both ways. I think women started it ages ago.


I'm busy is the big one. Some version of--- it is not you, it's me.
I'm too ill, etc. I have to see my mother...


No one wants to be very honest, it seems, even in the same gender friendships. Do you want the blunt truth? It might hurt more than the excuses. Some guys like to collect phone numbers, I think, and not use them. They might be afraid of a NO.
LuckyM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 6:32 PM   #36
Established Member
 
alphamale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Detroit, MI :lmao:
Posts: 35,860
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyM View Post
I'm busy is the big one. Some version of--- it is not you, it's me.
I'm too ill, etc. I have to see my mother...
what about "I have to wash my hair that night..."
__________________
"Every form of refuge has its price"

- The Eagles
alphamale is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 7:20 PM   #37
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: upstate New York
Posts: 1,114
Honest answer from one male - don't generalize to other guys. And for context, I'm meeting via OLD.

I don't know what a woman is really like until I meet her in person. All I know is the 'sales brochure' she created for her profile. So if I think there's a chance, I try to set up a meeting. During the course of that meeting, I develop a first impression of what it would really be like to date her.

Even if she doesn't really impress me, I talk. And she talks. As often as not, even when one or the other of us has already decided 'this is going nowhere', we have a great conversation - often for several hours and over a meal or drinks. If she's interested in me and I'm not interested in her, does she think it's an 'epic first date'? Certainly could be. Sometimes I'm the one who decides it's going nowhere. Sometimes she is. Either way, unless the disinterest is mutual, someone gets an unpleasant 'surprise' because they read the other person's interest level wrong.

Honesty? The way I play the game (now), if I'm interested, I tell her I'll get back in touch and I DO, asking her for another date LATER via email so she doesn't feel any pressure to lie. This gets around the 'sure, nospam99, I want to go out with you again' that I used to get when I'd ask before saying goodnight. Lesson learned: many (most?) women are going to lie to me for whatever reason. So, OP, it definitely cuts both ways. Women make excuses, too.
nospam99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 8:41 PM   #38
Established Member
 
hotpotato's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 3,642
Maybe this guy actually isn't over his ex.

However, some guys will make up excuses to keep sex on the table. He's not gonna be like, "I'd never date you, do you wanna have sex? "
hotpotato is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2019, 10:50 PM   #39
Established Member
 
crispytoast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by hotpotato View Post
Maybe this guy actually isn't over his ex.

However, some guys will make up excuses to keep sex on the table. He's not gonna be like, "I'd never date you, do you wanna have sex? "
I've totally done this. It worked. After a few hookups she tried to make my life hell. She actually did a pretty good job. And the sex sucked. 10/10 would not repeat.
__________________
Practicing nonmonogamist and golden toast with a smooth dash of butter. Delicious, mouth watering goodness. A true delicacy. Pairs nicely with wine and exotic cousine. 🥂
crispytoast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2019, 3:12 AM   #40
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 4,094
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auggie View Post
Yes, I have. It's not that hard to do. But that's just me I guess.

All I tell the guys is that while I enjoyed my time with them, I don't want to date them anymore. Some took it well, some didn't. But I've always been honest. Better to be that way, no matter what.
Well that's exactly what this guy told you. That he had a good time but he doesn't want to date you. He just decided to elaborate a bit more and included his unresolved feelings for his ex and it doesn't even matter if that's true or not because that's not the important part of the message. The heart of the message was that he didn't want to date you. He was honest about that and that is what counts. If he had simply ghosted you, or played cat and mouse or kept leading you on so you would chase him then I could see being upset, but he didn't do that, he came out and told you that it wasn't gonna happen and didn't waste any more of your time.

By the way what do you say when the guy asks you why you don't want to date them?
anika99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2019, 5:57 AM   #41
Established Member
 
salparadise's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 5,328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Versacehottie View Post
It seems like you want one point in time where the guy will know everything up front or he shouldn't be talking to you. [...] In dating, you don't know often until you know.
Yes, yes. I've seen this attitude expressed in many ways. Women often post about gauging a guy's interest, or is he really into me... the underlying expectation being that the guy should be "all in" while she takes her time to decide whether or not she's interested. IOW, she should have rights of first refusal, and if it goes the other way then having to endure the humiliation of rejection isn't fair.

I met a woman online last year and we set a date. The day before she texted to cancel using a flimsy excuse. I called bs and asked what the actual reason was (still didn't get a believable answer). So a month or so later she comes back around, texts me every day, and says she's changed her mind –– wants to meet after all. I agreed (against my better judgment) and we met for lunch on a weekend. Afterwards, she wanted to know when we'd have our next date, assuming that no man would ever not want to date her. I told her a) we have scheduling problems, and b) we live too far apart (of course if she had flipped my switch neither would've been an issue). She didn't take it well at all. She said that she had NEVER had a man turn her down when she wanted to continue!

The bottom line is, and it pretty much applies to every situation... you will hear excuses, not reasons. The reason is always that they aren't feeling it and think they can do better.

I had a woman end a 1.5 year relationship via text and refused to give the reason. She refused to even have a conversation because she knew my bs meter was too well attuned to accept her thin excuses. At some point she had simply decided that she could do better. She felt that it was her prerogative, and she didn't owe me an honest explanation.

In this sense the mating dance is an adversarial situation. When someone decides that you're no longer useful, they don't feel much obligation to bare their soul. They just make an excuse and take the nearest exit.
salparadise is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2019, 6:25 AM   #42
Established Member
 
salparadise's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 5,328
Quote:
As a woman, you should just believe that every man you are attracted to will be attracted to you. And if he isn't now, he will be.
I just found this nugget after posting... yup, confirmed. It's a gender phenomenon. Women expect a guy to be completely into them, and it's confusing as hell when he doesn't behave according to the script.
salparadise is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th March 2019, 12:16 PM   #43
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: east coast
Posts: 8,295
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auggie View Post
He told the truth, b/c I asked him to, in a nice, but direct way. It was exhausting to have to pull the truth out of him. But I put the kibosh on it 2 days after the date b/c I'm too old to be played with online or in person. I deserve the truth, so does anyone who respects herself/himself.
You went out with this guy one time, right? If so, he doesn't owe you anything. You went on a date and he wasn't into you, period. All you need to know is that he ain't trying to pursue you. Anything else is just your ego getting the better of you. Let it go.
enigma32 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th March 2019, 2:32 PM   #44
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 8,898
Quote:
Originally Posted by enigma32 View Post
You went out with this guy one time, right? If so, he doesn't owe you anything. You went on a date and he wasn't into you, period. All you need to know is that he ain't trying to pursue you. Anything else is just your ego getting the better of you. Let it go.
It was an eight hour, “epic” date though...

With respect, I think this is a case of unrealistic expectations. It seems to me that OP was anxiously and got a little too far ahead of herself. Just another experience though... life moves on.
__________________
If they love you, you will know. If they don't, you will wonder all the time if they do...
BaileyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th March 2019, 6:15 PM   #45
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 12,510
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auggie View Post
Yes, I have. It's not that hard to do. But that's just me I guess.

All I tell the guys is that while I enjoyed my time with them, I don't want to date them anymore. Some took it well, some didn't. But I've always been honest. Better to be that way, no matter what.
That's not a reason. Giving a reason would involve telling the guy WHY you don't want to date him.

Your ending is no better than "I'm not ready" or "it's not you, it's me". Seems your endings are no better than those of us you complain about.
basil67 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Excuses excuses brunettebarbie The Other Man / Woman 26 17th November 2013 6:52 PM
Excuses..Excuses? Love_sohard Friends and Lovers 1 4th June 2011 4:59 AM
Excuses and more excuses lolapalooza Infidelity 94 22nd June 2010 9:58 AM
Excuses, excuses, excuses!! Star Gazer General Relationship Discussion 25 20th June 2007 11:30 AM
Excuses...Excuses!!!! purewil Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 1 21st March 2007 2:01 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 4:12 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.