primer Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Which of these do you practice? 1) Treat others how you want to be treated. 2) Treat others how they treat you. ----- There are many times I want to treat people the same way they treat me. If they don't answer my text or email, why should I answer when they text or email me? With one friend, I am always the first one to make contact and see how she is doing. What happens when I stop doing this? Nothing. When someone is a jerk to me, I want to be a jerk back. See how they like it. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 (edited) Neither. I treat others how they want to be treated (if I know; the default is kindness and respect). However, if they don't reciprocate and treat me with kindness and respect, I have nothing more to do with them. In both cases you mention, I'd simply have nothing more to do with them, whether or not they make contact later. I go by the advice: don't make someone a priority who makes you an option. Edited February 23, 2019 by central 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 (edited) Which of these do you practice?<snip> I treat everyone well until they screw up. I don't know what's wrong with people these days but it's never enough to just get along... they've always got to test you, push your buttons, get conflict brewing, start hating on you for no reason....well... if you're going to dish it out you better learn to take it because I'll give it right back. Edited February 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Most people I try to meet halfway, or as close to it as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 With one friend, I am always the first one to make contact and see how she is doing. What happens when I stop doing this? Nothing. That's just a case of resentment brewing. If you are annoyed at her, you can mention it in passing or stop contacting her - not continue contact when you're clearly not happy with how things are going. When someone is a jerk to me, I want to be a jerk back. See how they like it. Being the imperfect human being that I am, I have done that once or twice because sometimes, the high road doesn't quite do it and jerks deserve their just desserts. The answer is: they don't like it. I have no golden rule for myself, tbh; it's all on a case by case basis. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 I like to hit the middle road and it requires restraint. If I'm excited about someone, I want to do things for them, but I learned that scares them off because they haven't yet earned that, so I have to restrain myself and not do "extra." In the early stages, with men, it's best to not be giving, but just be nice, and sit back and see what THEY will do when it's left up to them without any prodding. On here, we see a lot of women trying to shape their men into something by prodding them. Better to just wait to give your heart to one who meets you halfway, I think, and puts forth effort. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 I'm facing this situation right now at work with a couple of co-workers. Both are at the same level & do the same type of job I do. One of these "gems" skips meetings that he's hosting without warning, and I have to scramble last-minute to cover for him. It happens almost every week! Another co-worker doesn't complete her assignments, and without warning hands them over to me to clean up (with our boss's knowledge and support). She is also consistently late to the meetings that she hosts, making everyone wait around for her to start the meeting. Then she spends a few minutes hemming and hawing (and sniffing and clearing her throat loudly on the phone) until she gets her act together. If she says anything about this rudeness, she dismisses it as unimportant - "Oh well." I can't believe either one of them gets away with this behavior. Unfortunately I can't "not have anything to do with them" as another poster recommended above. Because we are an integrated team, we have to continue to work together. I have no choice but to deal with them. I can't afford to make them my enemies by calling them out or complaining to the boss (who is fully aware of this behavior and allows it to continue; he's in all of these meetings). I'm still trying to figure out how to effectively deal with this. You're not alone primer. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 And I'll add, if either one of these people were friends in my private life who treated me this way, the friendship would last about - oh, 5 seconds with me. I get their message loud & clear. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 I treat others the way I would want to be treated until they show they don't deserve that and then I do best to avoid them. I am cold and business like when I have to deal with them but if they leave me no other choice I can get gangster on them. If you push me into a wall and give me no exit it won't be a good situation for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 I try to always treat other people with kindness, compassion, and generosity. Not necessarily in the *same* way I would want to be treated, as I've learned that the bluntness and pragmatism I'm partial to is not for everyone - but I aim to be a net positive in the lives of the people I interact with. Now, most people suck. So what do you do when you're going through life being objectively awesome to other people and they treat you like crap in return? Don't have anything to do with those people. It's not necessarily EASY - but "easy" comes with a pretty hefty price tag most of the time anyway. One of the most valuable lessons I've learned over the last few years is that if I stick to my guns and uphold my standards regardless of what the people around me are doing, the worst the crappy people can do is be ungrateful. I always have the freedom to walk away, because there are ENOUGH people in the throng of idiots who recognize and value my contributions to the various systems I've been part of. The worst that can happen is I might have to take a hit in the material comfort department - as in the case of walking away from a job where I was treated poorly, or divorcing my ex-husband. But there will ALWAYS be a place for me somewhere. There will always be someone who has my back. I won't end up starving or living on the street. Everyone's tolerance for austerity is different, so YOU have to decide how much crap you're willing to put up with in exchange for whatever lifestyle perks you get for putting up with people who treat you badly (employment/money, comfort, social status/connections, etc.). As I get older, I find I'm willing to put up with less and less. There isn't a whole lot that's worth having to put up with crappy people. And I will admit, there IS some twisted pleasure to be derived from the reactions of people, who assumed they could take advantage of you/treat you like crap because they thought they had something to hold over your head, when it dawns on them that they are actually powerless to make you stick around and put up with it - because YOU are the more valuable player. These people tend to evaluate their own self-worth on the basis of being able to force other people to tolerate their bad behavior and do things for them. It's fun watching that implode. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 I'm the same as Central - I treat others how they want to be treated. Sometimes it's a style doesn't come natural to me, but I do my best to remember. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Open Book, it took me a long time to learn to let coworkers who do that crap fall on their face and for me not to save them. Because if someone always saves them, there are never any consequences for them, and that goes for if it's your supervisor too. I was the type to see problems coming and try to prevent them, but the place I worked was for waiting for the disaster before dealing with it. I got only anger for trying to get out ahead of it. So I finally stopped and I promise you it worked a lot better. Then once it was a disaster, that's when I would step in and be the one to quickly have a fix for it, and THEN it was appreciated. Messy, yes. For the one who skips his own meetings, you know, you can always come down with illness and have to leave suddenly, and it will fall on them for not being there, not you since it was their responsibility. Let them fail. Don't catch them. You will not get anywhere doing that. If he blames it on you, like, Well, OpenBook was going to cover for me, you can just say, He never let me know I'd have to be doing that at all. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Neither. I treat others how they want to be treated (if I know; the default is kindness and respect). However, if they don't reciprocate and treat me with kindness and respect, I have nothing more to do with them. In both cases you mention, I'd simply have nothing more to do with them, whether or not they make contact later. I go by the advice: don't make someone a priority who makes you an option. Good way to look at it central , thanks , think l'll pin this to the damn wall. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Which of these do you practice? 1) Treat others how you want to be treated. 2) Treat others how they treat you. I try and treat others to my standards, not theirs. This requires being willing to disengage from people with whom this dynamic isn't productive... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 I treat people the way I expect them to treat me. If they fail then I strike back. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 I try to treat people that I am in a close relationship with in a way they want to be treated (as long as it doesn't go against my personal morales or beliefs). If what they want does go against my morales at the least I treat them the way I would want to be treated (with respect, kindness, or at the least absence of any harm). However if a person becomes mean, disrespectful, manipulative, or anything toxic I don't treat them with anything meaning I remove myself away from them. Link to post Share on other sites
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