Lonewolf69 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 I was ghosted by a woman i thought was my friend and it has left me confused and hurt.We had spent a lot of time together and had told each other private things that we both said we dont usually feel comfortable telling people about so i thought we had a special connection.I stood up for her at work when she was being bullied and gave her a shoulder to cry on and a couple of hugs.Since that day she has totally ignored me and quit her job.She also blocked my phone number so i have no way of contacting her .It has been two months and dont know what happened .What can i do.Any advice would be great. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Perhaps you overlooked something. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 You seem to have a more than friendly interest in her. Perhaps she sensed that and, unsure of how to go forward, simply bailed... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonewolf69 Posted February 24, 2019 Author Share Posted February 24, 2019 I think you are right Mr Lucky.That is why it hurts so much.I guess i need to move on.I think it is a cruel way to treat someone and honestly dont know what i would say if she contacted me . Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 honestly dont know what i would say if she contacted me . She may have also been the type of person who uses people around her for unreciprocated support and companionship. Having changed jobs, she's probably moved on to her next victim... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Amy1992 Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 If she was bullied in your workplace, maybe she just wants to put that behind her now. It's kind of hard to know what to advice without a lot of detail. But then if you speculate too much on it, that might do you more harm than good. Maybe one of the things that anybody who finds themselves involved in somebody else's drama should think about is whether they have a bit of an unhealthy rescuing tendency. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/presence-mind/201402/codependent-and-unhealthy-helping-mindtraps If you do recognise yourself in any of that, don't think "oh my God, I'm a damaged person." Not only is it easy for any empathic person to slip into a bit of a co-dependent situation, but I think we're currently living in times where co-dependency is actively encouraged. There are a lot of not very healthy celebrities and pundits dishing out moral advice to the masses on social media. They get listened to on account of their celebrity, but these people's personal lives are often a drama filled disaster. Look at people you know who seem to have happy, healthy lives and watch how they handle situations. You'd probably find that while they were sympathetic to somebody who was being bullied, they would pull back from getting overly involved. Somebody who's immersed in victim mentality will say that's shallow, cowardly and so on. Rescuers can be easily guilt tripped by that sort of thing and will let themselves be pulled into situations that in some cases might be partly of the victim's own making. Then, when the victim goes off in search of new dramas, they're left feeling used and perhaps alienated from the people (colleagues, neighbours, family members) who they regarded as persecutors of the victim and maybe fell out with as a result of getting over involved in somebody else's conflict. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonewolf69 Posted February 24, 2019 Author Share Posted February 24, 2019 You are probably right Amy1992. I also had to leave the job because of the fallout from helping the woman.I started a new job but am wary of getting involved with my new work colleagues and it has made settling in to the new job difficult.I would love to get some answers and closure but i dont think there is much chance of that. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 What can i do. Nothing. No answers or closure needed. She left a situation that was unhealthy for her, you were caught in the middle of it and invested more in this than a colleague would do in a professional setting. I too stood up for a colleague at work when I felt she was bullied. She showed no gratitude at all but I didn't care because I did for for her what I would for any other colleague in a similar position. I expected nothing from helping her out; which is just as well, because I got nothing back. I don't think she was a user, a victim, or a bad person, or whatever else. She was in a bad spot, it was circumstantial, she moved on and so did I. Don't let this change you as person or stop you from helping a colleague out - just bring down your expectations a notch, and have stronger boundaries at work. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 I agree with littleblackheart. Do nothing. Absolutely nothing. No last message, no last email or call. It's not worth it. Keep your dignity. They didn't have any. I've been ghosted recently for the first time and I am still flabbergasted. I thought we were becoming friends. What a d*** move. Horrid. No one should do that after the 3rd date. I consider it ok to ghost after 1-2 dates though. Hugs, OP. It will pass. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 No, I would not contact her if she ghosted you. She probably did sense you had a romantic interest in her. Either way, it is rude to block you and there is no need for anyone to do that to someone who has been kind to them. If she was not interested in romance, she could have said somehow. Sorry this happened, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonewolf69 Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 It sure was a lesson learnt.Dont get involved with people at work and dont help anyone.Protect yourself at all costs so you dont get hurt.And dont trust anyone.It is a sad that some people can be selfish and not care about how they treat others.Life can be cruel at times.lt seems that there is always someone willing to screw you over wherever you go. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 Dont get involved with people at work and dont help anyone.Protect yourself at all costs so you dont get hurt.And dont trust anyone. Yes, no, no and no. In today's climate, avoiding crossing the line in work relationships is just common sense. But that certainly doesn't mean we wall ourselves off from everyone and turn our backs on fellow human beings... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonewolf69 Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 Yes but when someone you lthink you can trust with breaks that trust in such a cruel way it makes it hard to trust anyone again .Obviously you never really know what people are capable of. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 Yes but when someone you lthink you can trust with breaks that trust in such a cruel way it makes it hard to trust anyone again .Obviously you never really know what people are capable of. I try never to judge any group based on a sample size of "one". If you bought an apple and, upon biting into it, saw the center was rotten would you give them up permanently? Just chalk this one up to experience... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonewolf69 Posted February 26, 2019 Author Share Posted February 26, 2019 Yeah a bitter experience and one that will take a bit of getting over .Feel foolish i didnt see it coming .Will have to try and be more careful and less trusting in the future.Am sure there are some decent people out there somewhere . Link to post Share on other sites
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