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Spotting 'nastiness'


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Old 22nd February 2019, 9:09 AM   #16
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Yeah , l don;t go for the looking you in the eye thing either, Some people do it a lot some all over the place , to me usually it means nothing. l don't even do it myself much grew up my old man eye balling me every time he spoke, drove me crazy.
for guys one warning is too slick, too perfect , particularly in the way they talk to you treat you and everyone , like a well rehearsed mr perfect, not usually a good sign.
Sarcastic male or female not always but often cold blooded.
No genuine warmth , not good,
Women with sharp cold faces , often phony's and b@tches.

And on and on it goes l suppose, sneaky people can be very sneaky can't they and come with many masks .
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Old 22nd February 2019, 9:52 AM   #17
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Yes! Sneaky! That's what I meant, rather than 'nasty' (I'll use English not being my native language as an excuse for the mixup). Thanks chillii

I can't spot sneakiness. I have developped very solid boundaries and coping mechanisms for everything else, but sneakiness (and lack of accountability) is my Achilles' heel.

I have very low tolerance levels to passive aggressive behaviour but at least I recognise it and can (mostly) deal with it ok or ignore it.

Sneakiness (and manipulation, goading, ...) is another story.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 12:13 PM   #18
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I am always deviously kind to nasty people. (On purpose)

Usually they kind of make an apology as they feel terribly uncomfortable and start to feel bad for being nasty.

It alway`s amazes me how most nasty people are destroyed with kindness and niceness.

Of course not everyone, some people are just .....
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Old 22nd February 2019, 12:18 PM   #19
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IME, women are brutal towards one another....Its starts when young and just continues on into adulthood...

Workplace cattiness among women is very commonplace...Throw a good looking guy or two in the middle and its all of a sudden like a WWE match...

I feel for you...

TFY
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Old 22nd February 2019, 1:22 PM   #20
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I don't trust people who are kind to bad people either. They're either enabling or they're just lying devious jerks. Those people don't have a conscience, so they're not feeling guilty. The worst underhanded person I ever worked for pretended to be nice to everyone -- while shooting them in the back and setting them up by doing sneaky things.

I agree the workplace is cutthroat. Don't ever think anyone there is really putting your needs ahead or equal to theirs and it's best to just keep your head down and not get personal and even to not let everyone know exactly what you do or how well you do it. My worst experience with a devious person was in the workplace, one devious person and two men who enabled her for their own benefit.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 1:42 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by Haydn View Post
I am always deviously kind to nasty people. (On purpose)
I can't see myself have the patience or energy to be kind to people I don't respect, tbh. I don't have that skill. I can be civil, but that's far as I'm willing to go.

I'm glad it's working for you, though.


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Originally Posted by thefooloftheyear View Post
Workplace cattiness among women is very commonplace
Thanks for the sympathy. I don't work in a woman-only environment though, so it's not really a gender thing, where I'm at. Men can be sneaky, nasty and self-serving too!

Last edited by littleblackheart; 22nd February 2019 at 1:45 PM..
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Old 22nd February 2019, 2:14 PM   #22
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As an Aspie, posting and reading on LS has hugely helped me fine-tune how to read people's intentions better, and how to spot what I would consider deliberately nasty behaviour - purposefully misreading what someone says to make a point out of spite, 'pack' mentality, passive aggressive behaviour, using someone's vulnerabilities against them, trying to get a raise for fun, etc.


It's easier to spot in the written form, but not so much in real life. I like to think I'm fairly intuitive and a good reader of a situation, but reading people in real life is not my strong suit at all. It takes me a while before I realise that someone isn't as they appear to be, especially at work.

I deal with it well once I realise it (I don't have a problem speaking my mind, sometimes without a filter, which is less ideal but hasn't caused me any real issues in my life so far), but ideally I need to find better ways to spot and deal with it as it happens rather than down the line when the penny drops and it's too late, so I'm looking for handy tips for those of you who feel they are good judges of character.

Is there a way to settle quickly whether someone is not as nice as they appear to be?
Don't take words at face value, people rarely say what they actually mean,
Your best bet would be to study psychology and practice identifying behaviors in between,
Your true friends will try to understand you, the rest are there for a beneficial reason,
Yet, like everything else, there's something to learn from everyone, even if they teach you while teasin'.

To judge character on the spot will leave you wrong a lot of the time,
For people, as well as most things, can be quite irrational, like when I rhyme,
If someone makes an effort to see you and want to be with you, take it as it is,
The same can be said for someone being mean or disrespectful toward you, not including kids.

Even if you're in a bad situation and you know it, there's still something to be gained,
Even if you can't "uncover" people's intentions, your benefit from it will still be the same,
So if you find yourself face to face with someone and you are anxious about not reading the situation right,
Enjoy the moment for what it is to you, whether good or bad, and take it in a good light.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 3:03 PM   #23
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I'm autistic as well, and it can be so hard to read people.
This what I have learned:
(a) don't trust until you verify

(b) be leery of anyone who tries to get to close too fast

(c) don't fall into the word trap. this one was hard for me, because I have a bad way of always taking what people say at face value. words mean nothing. look for the action behind them.

(d) there are real predators out there. they can spot someone "vulnerable" |( if you know what I mean) a mile away. These people actually enjoy tormenting others, and will "love bomb" you. My first boyfriend was like that. I thought the "love bombing" meant he cared. Then that turned to possessiveness ( which I mistook for wanting to protect me) and then controlling ( again, I thought that was because of love). This evolved into full scale emotional, mental and physical abuse.

(e) avoid those who , because you are autistic, treat you like you are a child. they are out there.

(f) If you find reading people hard, take along a friend/couple for a "double date". Get their feedback...they might see something you don't.

(g) finally, if you are like me and an overly empathetic "fixer", be careful. You don't have to carry the weight of the world, nor of anyone else.

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Old 22nd February 2019, 8:32 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by thefooloftheyear View Post
IME, women are brutal towards one another....Its starts when young and just continues on into adulthood..<snip>
Funny yeah , going through school as a guy l always thought was pretty tough but when my daughter went through primary school , holy hell, the girls, now they were on a whole nother plane.
Luckily in that way though she's a bit of a chip of the old block and doesn't really giva fk what anyone else does or thinks and that helped her a lot.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 22nd February 2019 at 8:35 PM.. Reason: Truncate quote and fix spacing
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Old 22nd February 2019, 10:30 PM   #25
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when you go out to eat with someone and they treat the waiter/waiteress badly it is a big red flag that they are a mean person.
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Old 23rd February 2019, 3:10 AM   #26
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How important is it to spot sneakiness? I mean, if you did spot someone as being sneaky, how does it make it easier? I'm lucky I haven't encountered much nastiness, although coworkers try to tell me but I didn't get it. I'm not sure if sneaky people gave up on me because I didn't notice their maneuvers, or if they are still doing it right now, I can't tell. Anyway, I'm not interested to know. It's unworthy material and clouds your mind.
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Old 23rd February 2019, 4:51 AM   #27
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How important is it to spot sneakiness? I mean, if you did spot someone as being sneaky, how does it make it easier?
It's not my life's mission, but it's a handy tool for me to have in a work environment, because that's I feel where my social skills are lagging the most. It's a personal growth thing.

I can't comment on where you work, but I personally prefer to be in a professional environmmemt where things are dealt with openly and collaboratively.
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Old 23rd February 2019, 7:23 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by alphamale View Post
when you go out to eat with someone and they treat the waiter/waiteress badly it is a big red flag that they are a mean person.

And hey , it's also gotta be a very dumb person too that treats their waiter that way .
l'm always nice to a waiter, because if l wasn't they could do anything to my food and there's not a hope in hell l could know.
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Old 23rd February 2019, 7:26 PM   #29
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What if the person is looking at you and their phone at the same time? Would they mean they are forcing themselves to be nice?
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Old 23rd February 2019, 8:41 PM   #30
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sneaky? like how? when? why?
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