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My guy friend treats me more like a girlfriend than my boyfriend does

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Old 21st February 2019, 11:19 AM   #1
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My guy friend treats me more like a girlfriend than my boyfriend does

So i dated a guy for a while from about May 2017 - April 2018. There was a messy break up and we didn’t talk for months. Come October he started talking to me and we ended up back together by January. But sometimes it feels like he just does things to satisfy me not because he wants to do them for me. Like he bought me a bunch of things for V Day but he spent a lot of money and I told him there was no need for that. And he says “if I didn’t you would have felt some type of way.” That made me a little sad. Sometimes he gets super absorbed in his phone and doesn’t pay attention to me, and we don’t see each other too often and when we do it’s only for a couple of hours.

Now my friend, I’ve known him since last October (2017) and we hit it off and we’ve been friends with a few minor bumps in the road. When me and my boyfriend broke up, said friend was still there, though said friend is also in a relationship. But whenever we hang out or when we’re together he’s far more attentive to me and my needs than my boyfriend has ever been. Somehow, he knows when I’m not okay before I know I’m not okay, and always does his best to offer me comfort. He’s a huggy type of person and we Get along super well. But I’m finding that my boyfriend never puts me first but he sometimes gets annoyed when I can’t put him first. Which is frustrating.

But this other friend always makes me feel like I’m first to somebody and that somebody actually cares when I have an anxiety attack or when I’m just really not feeling okay and I need somebody to talk to. I really don’t know what to do in this situation. I just want to be able to put somebody first and know that they do the same to me.

Last edited by Moderator; 21st February 2019 at 12:21 PM.. Reason: Paragraphs
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Old 21st February 2019, 11:41 AM   #2
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If your boyfriend doesn't treat you well then why are you with him?

If you want a relationship based on mutual respect then you will need to find a new BF because this one is a jerk.
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
-- Douglas Adams
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Old 21st February 2019, 11:56 AM   #3
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Break up with your bf who doesn't appreciate you and start dating your friend. Be honest though.
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Old 21st February 2019, 1:13 PM   #4
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What you need to do is to break up with your bf. What's the point of being in a relationship with a person who doesn't treat you like you're in a relationship? The longer you stay with him, the longer you WON'T be able to find someone who'll put you first.
~Perfection is about accepting that we cannot control everything and letting go of some of our preconceived notions.~ -Spiritofnow-
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Old 21st February 2019, 3:43 PM   #5
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He doesn't sound like a good match for you. Time for a new BF. It doesn't have to be the guy buddy but at least his actions give you a model for what a good relationship looks like.
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Old 21st February 2019, 3:49 PM   #6
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It's pretty easy for some guy friend to swoop in and make a girl feel special when you guys don't see one another as much. Romantic relationships are much harder to sustain. I also wonder why you are spending so much time with this guy friend of yours that you are now starting to compare him to your boyfriend. It's probably not healthy for your relationship when you aren't focused on your partner any more than you are this guy "friend" who may or may not be tryin to get laid as many guy "friends" are.

If you are unhappy with your relationship, why not do something about it? If you care about the guy you are with, you should have an honest, open discussion about the things that trouble you. If you don't care so much for him, maybe you should move on. Find someone who treats you the way you want to be treated.
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