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Feel like an idiot when I talk to girls.


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Old 19th February 2019, 1:07 PM   #1
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Feel like an idiot when I talk to girls.

Ugh this is so frustrating. Iím 27 and I still feel like I have no clue how to actually talk to women. Iím forcing myself to socialize with them but most of the time I donít know what to say and I probably come across as annoying. I am trying really hard but something is just not clicking. Iím starting to feel hints of connection with one of the girls I work with but then other times later in the night there is nothing. At the end of the shift last night she basically dismissed me when she was talking to another girl. They probably wanted to be alone so I really shouldnít be offended, but itís annoying because I would like to be friends with one of them and date the other. I hate that donít know how to be the cool charming guy they want to be around.

To me the best way to end the night would be for the three of us to get some fast food together but I didnít feel like I got close enough to that point to invite them and didnít want to be awkward. In the end it was obvious I was just hanging around them and I got sent home
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Old 19th February 2019, 1:14 PM   #2
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You recently got a job in retail if I remember correctly. That is where you know these 2 women. You must have some ability to communicate with people. Talking to members of the opposite sex is no different then talking to members of your gender or to customers. The skills are the same even if the words are different.

For now you are the new guy. They haven't quite decided to trust you yet. You agreed that you were going to play it cool & see how things shake out before you targeted one girl to focus your romantic interest on. It's only been a few days. Just be patient. Keep getting to know both of them. In a few weeks, you can suggest the idea of all of you grabbing something to eat after work.
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Old 19th February 2019, 3:28 PM   #3
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Right, these are the retails girls. Last night just made me more aware of my incompetence.


There have been many times in my life where I've felt I wasn't communicating properly with women. Like I'm only communicating on the surface level. And yes it's very different from talking to people that I'm not interested in. For some reason the proper connection just isn't being made. Does that make any sense?
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Old 19th February 2019, 3:39 PM   #4
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If she dismissed you or they ignored you while they were talking and left you standing awkwardly, there probably is no interest on her part. I mean, of course, don't go up and just interrupt anyone's conversation, but still, if you were there awhile and they weren't talking to you, that's not a good sign.

My main advice is don't start targeting some girl who isn't paying attention to you. Ask out a girl who comes up voluntarily and chats with you in a friendly manner and seems a little flirty and interested.
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Old 19th February 2019, 4:29 PM   #5
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OP,

Why do you have to "force yourself" to socialize with women? Chatting up women is fun. Just don't take it too seriously. They are people just like you.

If you are nervous, it will show. This might seem a little weird, but this is technique I used to use all the time. You may not find it on any men's message boards; it's a CGE patented approach.

When I was nervous about chatting up a woman, I would mentally "take them off the pedestal" by intentionally focusing on a couple of her obvious flaws (be it nose, boobs, moles, whatever). We all have them, so I'm not being mean or anything. I'm just saying that by focusing on her imperfections I would end up convincing myself, "Hey I'm as good as her. Hell, I'm better than her."

And yep, it boosted my confidence like 90 percent of the time. I'm not saying I pulled them in 90 percent of the time, but I managed to keep my cool at the very least. It worked for me.

Now you still have to read their reactions. And yeah, if a girl is ignoring you or just keeping you standing there without any eye contact or anything, that is code to abort the mission. Don't try to force anything. Even just being friends with these girls will help your game.
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Old 19th February 2019, 6:43 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph View Post
If she dismissed you or they ignored you while they were talking and left you standing awkwardly, there probably is no interest on her part. I mean, of course, don't go up and just interrupt anyone's conversation, but still, if you were there awhile and they weren't talking to you, that's not a good sign.
They probably did feel that I was interrupting their conversation. Me and the other girl were both off at the same time and the one I'm interested in had to stay a little later and finish counting money as she's the "supervisor." She said that there is nothing else for us to do and said we can go. I left to the break room to clock out and when I got back they were talking and I tried to join the conversation and they said a few thigns back to me but about a minute later the one I'm interested in, said, "Bye T-Rexus have a good night" which was my cue to leave.

Quote:
My main advice is don't start targeting some girl who isn't paying attention to you. Ask out a girl who comes up voluntarily and chats with you in a friendly manner and seems a little flirty and interested.
I understand that, but realistically it's never going to happen.

Though this girl may be flirting with me at times she's kind of fake overly aggressive where it's obvious she's playing around. And she's said a couple of somewhat sexual comments to me. Also she's only 19 which may be a factor. Normally I don't go for girls that young, but she's cute and may be interested? I'm not used to dealing with girls in that age range.
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Old 19th February 2019, 7:31 PM   #7
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Your 19 year old supervisor is not going to date you. She's trying so hard to be a grown up professional & has probably heard a lot of advise about not dating those you work with. She's trying to assert her authority. Although this job is a bonus side gig for you, don't ask her to compromise her 1st professional responsibility.
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