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Stingy husband

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Old 19th February 2019, 4:31 PM   #16
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People like that are unlikely to change, even after you show him the math and budget. He needs to be honest with you WHY he won't spend money. The real reason, probably irrational fear of something...before you knew him. Knowing this still probably won't change him, but at least you will understand it better.
I knew people like that...they did not change and they had plenty of money. Is he a hoarder?
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Old 19th February 2019, 4:49 PM   #17
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Quick question... Do you think his "extra savings" could be a "college fund" for your children?? Being a scientist, maybe he's thinking your children may want to go for advanced degrees?? PHD's??
All of my posts are my opinion based on my own experiences. Feel Free to disagree with me, this rodent has thick skin.
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Old 19th February 2019, 5:22 PM   #18
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Tell him exactly what YOU expect.

Being evasive doesnt work with a guy like him.

Leave him a list every week of what is expected of him.

If needed - plan a budget and have him give you money for his share.
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Old 19th February 2019, 7:57 PM   #19
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I guess you must love him! I would not tolerate such behaviour in a partner. I have a friend who is a bit like that, but then again he will stay a friend only!

I suppose love conquers all.
"You ain't a beauty but hey, you're alright" ('Thunder Road', Bruce Springsteen)
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Old 19th February 2019, 8:23 PM   #20
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A cheap skate will never be sexy to me.

You’re going to need to address the head on and have him put a certain amount in your account every month for household expenses.

Has he ever bought you an expensive gift? Jewelry or a trip to surprise you?
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Old 20th February 2019, 3:24 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by LastStraw View Post
How the heck you lived 20 years with this man?? I had a partner like this and by the 2nd year I wanted to shove him through the window... Not that much for being a financial burden to me, but for the entitled spoiled attitude .

In the end I was asking him to present me with receipts of everything shared, let him pay the bills and reimbursed him with exactly 50% in the end of each month. Cold but sort of worked out. Sort of, because the financial issue was solved but I couldn’t shake the resentment that was there already
I dated a man like this for 2 months and that absolutely drove me up the wall! I was never raised to use anyone financially, but I enjoy getting spoiled and enjoy spoiling my partner as well.
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Old 20th February 2019, 5:03 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by Incredulous View Post
I think it's the lack of control he fears with a joint account, i.e. me possibly spending more on spoiling the kids, which I am inclined to do more then he does. But I suppose that could come out of my own account then, and we'd need to lay down some ground rules of what qualified as a 'joint expense'?
Exactly. You lay down specific rules on what the joint account is used for, ahead of time. At first make it a small number of very specific things like household bills. Then if it works, you can always add more items to the joint list.

If he refuses then I'd suggest marriage counselling. Money is one of the biggest factors in divorce so it's certainly no small issue.

Originally Posted by JuneL View Post
The joint account idea wouldn’t work for someone like him. He would spend money from that account on his personal stuff.
Then he would face some serious wrath. That is why you lay down the rules on what it is and isn't to be used for, ahead of time. And if he breaks the rules, he will face consequences.

Get an account with good online banking so you can monitor it.
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
-- Douglas Adams
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