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Oversharing on dates


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Old 18th February 2019, 8:54 AM   #16
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Thanks everyone, great advice. Will be logging off for a few days and check back soon.
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Old 18th February 2019, 9:13 AM   #17
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d0nnivain - I agree re: putting best foot forward. How about things you can't really improve, i.e. your family dynamics that probably screwed you up a little, or things about your past that you're not that proud of?
NEVER share that stuff on a early date. If your family dynamic is screwy keep your new SO away from your family as long as possible. When you have to introduce them, tell the new SO that that are nutty before you introduce them & keep it short.

As for past sins, your new SO is not your confessor. Talk to a priest, your best friend, your mirror or your life coach to get passed that, not your new SO.
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Old 18th February 2019, 9:20 AM   #18
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Keep alcohol to the minimum during the early stage. I read from some of your other threads that you sometimes drank more than you should on your dates and ended up doing or saying things you regretted.
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Old 18th February 2019, 10:17 AM   #19
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Through the first 10 dates I would not be open about my problems or personal issues.
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Old 18th February 2019, 1:22 PM   #20
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My family seems normal, the few dynamics are not that apparent, below surface, but you're absolutely right.

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Talk to a priest, your best friend, your mirror or your life coach to get passed that, not your new SO.
JuneL you're right as well, I have totally lost my resistance to alcohol lately, even 1-2 glasses of wine can make me lose control. Thank you for being perceptive, remembering and pointing that out. It is indeed prob part of my oversharing at least sometimes.

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I read from some of your other threads that you sometimes drank more than you should on your dates and ended up doing or saying things you regretted.
Simple Logic, thanks! That's the kind of advice I needed, that makes total sense. I'll make it a goal not to share personal issues on the first 10 dates.

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Through the first 10 dates I would not be open about my problems or personal issues.
Gosh I've been online too much lately, will try to log off for a while. Thanks again everyone
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Old 18th February 2019, 1:35 PM   #21
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@edgy,

I definitely think you are entitled to present yourself, "honestly, but positively" in the first 5-10 dates. By that I mean, present yourself as well as you can possibly can, without outright lying about anything.

Let's face it, at lot of our "baggage" is stuff we can't control in the first place (diseases, family issues, etc). I don't think there's anything wrong with ignoring that stuff until the other person gets a chance to see how awesome where are. Then you can gently let the bad stuff trickle. Letting the bad stuff be exposed too early makes even the most awesome person seem like a huge red flag.

Example, some of my family is CRAAAAAAZY. I mean...whew. If I were dating, that would be not be revealed for a long ass time.
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Old 18th February 2019, 1:54 PM   #22
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Get anything that may be bothering you off your chest before a date...whether that means exercise or talking with a friend. It makes you less likely to go on info overload when you do get relaxed and more in a conversational groove with someone on a date.

Also, if there is a big thing in your life that just happened, plan for more time than you expect to deal with it. The 1st date after my dad died was.. not good. Cringeworthy..even. I should have been doing much more social non-dating stuff 1st, as being a caregiver can be pretty isolating. I needed to get back on my feet with a more normal life 1st.
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Old 18th February 2019, 2:23 PM   #23
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I have always been attracted to over-sharers. Those that only stick to the safe topics, I walk away feeling blah. In fact, unless there is some over-sharing, I don't feel we truly connected.

However, if in the over-sharing person says something that is a deal breaker, I won't see them again. But this is true even if I find out few months later.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 3:06 PM   #24
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What kind of things do you think are appropriate to share with someone you're starting to date and when? Let's say in the following phases, or so:

First date/s / First weeks / First month / Second month... and so on.

Background: I feel sometimes I get comfy with someone new when things are going well and I start telling them (some negative) things about myself that end up being TMI, too soon. Deep down I want to do it in the name of being honest about me, my life, my issues, my family, professional life, and whatever I think they should eventually know. But I noticed I overshared in my last almost-relationship and it didn't feel right. As side notes, I was raised without many boundaries in my family, which makes it harder for me to keep my mouth shut - not to mention I am a bubbly extroverted talkative person.

It's probably a bad idea to vomit everything on the first dates, and that doesn't mean being inauthentic or lying. People need some time to like you for your positive sides until you start sharing whatever is not so neat in your life. Or do you see it differently - as in, holding important information or so?
I tend to overshare quite a bit as well, there's no reason to see this as bad.
If someone thinks it's too much, they probably can't handle your radiant fad.
If someone is really into you, and you start to overshare with all kinds of stuff,
I hardly think they'd quit, they'd take notes and remember, especially things like "I like cuffs".
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