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Do you ever feel like your partner can do better?


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I am trying so hard so so hard. to be better

But I cant shake my insecurities.

I am 27 and I just see everything I don't have. I don't have a driving license (although I am currently learning how to ) I am not a good cook ( I am learning) I have been sacked from my career ( I hated it anyway)

Although I try to counteract these negative thoughts into the positive ones in the brackets the same thing comes to mind ' oh but you should know how to do that by now, oh you'll never be good at driving.

I am not 'life smart' I am a slow burner and I jus feel like I have a foggy brain. To top this off I have a chronic illness.

I just feel like I am useless and that my boyfriend will eventually get sick of me and rid of me. I am just an awkward mess.

 

He doesn't know I've been laid off yet because I am still soaking it in.

 

I just want to cry. Ive told him he can break up with me because im such a liability and honestly I want to save him the bother of being with an adult child like me. I see women younger, better, more with life than me and just think they would make my boyfriend so much happier than I do.

 

I cant stop hearing all the negative opinions people have had of me in my old career.

 

 

TL;DR TRYING TO BE BETTER BUT I JUST DISLIKE MY SELF.

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OP, if you don't love yourself, it will be very difficult for others to love you too.

Telling him he can break up with you if he wants is not wise. Projecting that level of self-loathing will chip away at your relationship and put him in the awkward position of feeling obliged to reassure you. If he is still with you, let that be your reassurance that he is still interested.

 

Instead, get busy changing the things you have the power to change. You mentioned you're learning to drive, which is great. Are you taking lessons? Do you have a date in mind to take the road test? Learning to cook is great too, if you enjoy it. It can be a lot of fun and very relaxing to practice your kitchen skills and try out new recipes.

 

As for work - when were you laid off? You are going to need to tell your boyfriend, as hiding something that significant will only compound the problems. Start working on your CV and start applying for new jobs. I think your guy will be much more understanding and sympathetic if he also sees that you are being proactive about securing new employment.

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There was a time in my life where I lost a really good paying job and it was devastating. A few years later I considered the event as one of the best things that happened in my life.

 

You taken a bit of a fall. Get up, dust yourself off, and go get what you want in life. No self pity.

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Do you know what's worse than being 27 and wallowing in self-pity and not knowing how to do certain things????

 

Being 28 and wallowing in self-pity and not knowing how to do certain things.

 

Start focusing and really applying yourself. Address one thing at a time and check it off. Get a driver's license for one thing. You need to develop a deeper sense of independence and accomplishment. You want to learn how to cook? Once a week, choose a recipe, get the ingredients and try it. Cooking isn't an exact science anyway. There's some trial and error involved for most good cooks.

 

There is nothing less attractive than a woman who is wallowing in self-pity. Be good to yourself right now and don't put on the "victim" face. Be a survivor, be strong and get out there and find yourself a job you really like.

 

And, frankly, you might do well to not be in a relationship because of the insecurity and anxiety. You need to focus on just YOU and do the work necessary to start feeling more independent and secure in your own right.

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Man that's a terrible blow. But not telling your BF would be an insult to him, because he is the one you should rely on and trust with sad news. You are in distress, go to him and let it all out...you will feel better.

Then after that, don't be afraid to ask for help or advice from him. Believe it or not men feel wanted when a woman comes to them for help. It's their nature.

As for all the other things, RELAX. You can't be a master at those things over night, in fact no one can. Keep your goals small and obtainable so it's not so overwhelming. If you have brain fog, that's your body telling you, you are over doing things, and need to take a break. Try meditation, take a stretching class that teaches you breathing techniques, buy some healthy teas, eat healthier food, read some good books, whether it's self help or a junky romance novel, go for nice walks at the beach or a park. Do things for yourself that makes you feel good.

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msday91 things will get better. have faith in god and believe in yourself. remember that the 20s are probably the hardest decade of life. keep on learning

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You're too hard on yourself. There are people who are real bums and don't care. I've noticed some happy go lucky people just have really good luck. They don't ask much of themselves and then these great opportunities happen to them. And the stressed out people don't have such luck.

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I work with someone who is divorced, in her late 30's, dealing with 6 kids/custody, never had a job before or had a driver's license and yes she's got brain fog. She struggles and has bad days, I can see it, but she knows she can't give up, and she does try hard. I know it will probably be another year before she gets her license. If she can do it, I know you can.

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I went to private schools for gifted students on scholarships since I was 13. I am retired now but made very good money off my brain with enabled me to solve problems others could not or find the best solutions.

 

My wife graduated from vocational school and is not very intelligent. She used to cry and tell me that she feels so stupid around me and to tell her she is right even when she is wrong. I felt bad for her. I always tell her she is smart but not to compare herself to me since I am different. She needs to compare herself to regular people. I also tell her that since the world is built and run by people of average intelligence, it is I who does not fit in, not her.

 

I really try never to make her feel stupid, but when she is about to do something to harm us financially or harm the marriage I have to step in and show her why she is wrong. She also now has a habit of taking what I say about things and repeating them as if they are hers. If we discuss something she will change her story so that she says what I am saying all of a sudden. She either lies or fools herself into thinking that she did not say what she said and instead said the opposite. Coping mechanisms I guess.

 

There were times like you are going through when she felt she was useless and holding me back. Till this day she asks me why I even married her. Yet we have been very happily married for 46 years. I try not to make our differences a big deal. I keep my mouth shut and agree with her whenever I can.

 

Has she held me back. In a way yes since she never had a career and I had to work longer and harder. If I would have married a woman with a career like my friends I too would be a multi millionaire living in a big house driving expensive cars during my retirement. Instead we are doing OK but have to watch our expenses since there was basically only my income during our marriage. Yet, I do not regret it and I would do it again because the love and attention I got from my wife was worth it.

 

I would not worry if I were you as long as your husband is OK with the marriage. In every marriage there is a mismatch someway. Someone will be smarter and/or make more money. Someone will be funnier or more popular. There is no avoiding this so just accept your differences and focus on your love for each other because in the end that is what really counts.

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One at a time, improve the things you feel like are not working in your life & relationship. Get a driver's license. Get a new job. Put one foot in front of the other. Trust that your BF likes you for you, all of you, warts & all.

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One of my sisters is the complete opposite of me - she is zero interested in work, having a career, she is the only one in my family who didn’t get a driver’s license... she loves staying home, cooking, reading, doing her things... she also says she feels less smart than me i.e. etc. Yet... she has never been without a partner her whole life. She’s pretty and all, but I think what men most like in her is her attention, selfless love, compassion. Well she also cooks very well :D But my point is - not everyone has to be good at everything. Quite honestly I feel a lot of men appreciate the above more than having a fellow professional busy woman around. What are your qualities? And why are you ignoring them and only talking about the things you’re not good at? Nurture the things that will bring you joy, even if they’re different than you initially thought.

 

Yet, I do not regret it and I would do it again because the love and attention I got from my wife was worth it.
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OP, if you don't love yourself, it will be very difficult for others to love you too.

Telling him he can break up with you if he wants is not wise. Projecting that level of self-loathing will chip away at your relationship and put him in the awkward position of feeling obliged to reassure you. If he is still with you, let that be your reassurance that he is still interested.

 

Instead, get busy changing the things you have the power to change. You mentioned you're learning to drive, which is great. Are you taking lessons? Do you have a date in mind to take the road test? Learning to cook is great too, if you enjoy it. It can be a lot of fun and very relaxing to practice your kitchen skills and try out new recipes.

 

As for work - when were you laid off? You are going to need to tell your boyfriend, as hiding something that significant will only compound the problems. Start working on your CV and start applying for new jobs. I think your guy will be much more understanding and sympathetic if he also sees that you are being proactive about securing new employment.

 

This.

 

10 characters.

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The Dude Abides

Hi

 

I can relate because at various times in my young life I felt similar to how you feel now. But, in addition to all the good things that have been said so far, I would suggest that you pick small things to tackle and give them a try.

 

Pick a simple recipe and try it, try it again, and keep trying until you get it right. Then, once you can make that dish without relying on notes, move on to another recipe . There has never been a better time to get access to good information about cooking . I love to cook and feel like I get better all the time. I love to watch youtube and read blogs and so forth, and I am not afraid to try things.

 

Yes, I mess stuff up and sometimes have to go to Plan B for dinner :lmao: . But, more often than not my efforts are well- received and nothing is left but crumbs. For example, I smoked two turkeys for Thanksgiving and the group of 18 guests ended up fighting over the scraps :laugh:. Everyone was so amazed at how well it turned out, but what they didn't know was I started smoking turkeys in October so I could work out any mistakes I would inevitably make.

 

As far as feeling "not smart", some of the smartest, most successful, and well-to-do people I have known were either not smart as measured by standard means, or were not very well-educated, or something similar. They had some unique set of skills that enabled them to get along with people and to get things done, and in many cases I found those people to be far more interesting than the smart PhD, Law Degree, MD types I have known and worked for and with.

 

As you look for a new job, is there anything that you like to do, anything that you could do on a part-time basis, or as a volunteer, or anything that would get you out of the house and doing something?

 

Finally, why not confide in your BF and see if he wants to help you? If he is a good man he will be happy to help you work on things that are important to you.

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Me: can’t cook well or have a drivers license ( in the process of getting both)

My career is going through a rocky patch so I won’t hqvw a stable job for Atleast a few months. I am not very sharp or intelligent. All I have going for me is my looks ( apparently I’m attractive )

 

Bf: smart as hell , lots of general knowledge career is going great can cook and is good looking.

 

:( I can tell my bf gets fed up of me sometimes as I can’t relate or comment on some of the topics he speaks about I just don’t have the knowledge.

 

He’s 31 I’m 26

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You don't have to be able to qualify for MENSA, to be read-up on current events, offer your own opinions, and keep yourself (minimally) informed on what's going on in the world around you.

 

Sometimes people use it as an excuse to become intellectually lazy or to not have to bother, and so that they can just leave the 'heavy-lifting of life' to the people around them.

Your b/f may be sensing some of this in you -- is it at all even remotely possible that he is sensing some of this in you?

 

He wants to be with you for all of the other stuff that he sees that you have the potential for, not just for your 'attractive looks'.

That's a plus on his side: he's not willing for you to settle for a lesser version of you.

 

Are you ready and willing to actually work to actually live up to ALL of your potential? And to not just fall back on your looks. "Sitting around looking pretty'" really isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

(My hubby says that's what I do, but I'll tell you for sure that he and I both know that that's just a cute joke that he tells between the two of us...and now, including you. :).)

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Well I am speaking from the perspective of the intellectual guy.

 

If that stuff is that important to him, consider having sessions where you specifically sit down and talk about that stuff. You might come off as amazingly attractive if you feed his intellect (you'll definitely do that for me).

 

You've got to be good at something, so go back and inventory what things you are proud of? What could you pat yourself on the back for? Every cat has their show my friend.

 

Lacking a driver's license or being a student cook isn't grounds for leaving a relationship. I've simply cooked since I was 13, like Americans have been dating since they were 12. That's the only reason I'm good at it.

 

Also, he'll have to know that you are a little uncomfortable trying to catch up to him. Don't let this build into resentment! For the love of love, don't forget to communicate. There are plenty of relationships out there with intellectual imbalance. You'll have to sort out if you two can live with it long term or work to change that. Talk it out and don't be afraid to be direct. One of men's worst fears is for their lady to be indirect, be frustrated, and then refuse to explain why they are frustrated.

 

If you really can't make it work, be grateful that you found out early, then move on to someone more compatible. That's what dating is for!

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Expand yourself. Make it a point to watch a neutral news station every day so you can converse about special events. It's hard to find a neutral station. I recommend CBS Evening News over cable news stations which are now all fully partisan and aren't getting the whole truth out.

 

Whatever he talks about, follow that on Twitter for news. Like if he talks about the border, for example, since that's the big news in the US, follow Homeland Security, ICE and U.S. Border Patrol on Twitter or Facebook and read the direct news instead of relying on the very pared down version you get on the news.

 

Should also watch one local news station and keep up with that.

 

Then here is a one-pan recipe that anyone can make and it is super delicious. Preheat 450F oven. Must have a sheet pan with low sides, but it must have sides. Put foil over it to save cleanup.

 

6 small chicken breast or cut 3 big ones in half.

3 lemons cut into slices. You need 12 slices not counting the ends.

Put half the lemon slices down on the pan, using only one-half the length of the pan, just on one end.

Sprinkle these spices on both sides of the chicken:

Salt, pepper, rosemary and thyme, paprika (use more paprika as it will be what makes your chicken look appetizing)

Place the 6 pieces of chicken on top each slice of lemon. Top with another slice of lemon.

Drizzle lightly with extra virgin olive oil.

 

Put in the hot oven for 20 minutes.

Meanwhile choose a vegetable such as green beans (trim the stem end), zucchini (thick slices), broccoli florets cut in half, or cauliflower pieces. Add to the other end of the pan, drizzle with olive oil and cook the whole thing another 25 minutes.

 

It's done. It looks nice and it's very tasty.

 

Good luck.

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somanymistakes

I ruined my life through self-hatred and believing that my boyfriend could do better, so I deliberately sabotaged everything to prove to him that I was worthless.

 

Don't be me.

 

You need to trust your partner with your problems. Let them help you. That's what partners do.

 

And if they do bail out... well, YOU can do better.

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I don't have a driving license (although I am currently learning how to ) I am not a good cook ( I am learning)

 

More important than knowledge is initiative, which you're demonstrating in making an effort to learn. Keep pushing yourself to be more and do better, you'll be surprised at what you're capable of. The only person that can hold you back is you...

 

Mr. Lucky

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todreaminblue
I am trying so hard so so hard. to be better

But I cant shake my insecurities.

I am 27 and I just see everything I don't have. I don't have a driving license (although I am currently learning how to ) I am not a good cook ( I am learning) I have been sacked from my career ( I hated it anyway)

Although I try to counteract these negative thoughts into the positive ones in the brackets the same thing comes to mind ' oh but you should know how to do that by now, oh you'll never be good at driving.

 

 

 

TL;DR TRYING TO BE BETTER BUT I JUST DISLIKE MY SELF.

 

when do you like yourself?

what do you love doing?

 

as far as cooking goes check out a library for cookbooks that are three ingredients to start you off....get a beginner cook book start with toast and eggs.

 

pick a few recipes you adore to cook and you tube them step by step recipes.....build your own cookbook of tried and true recipes....

 

do you have any hobbies...

btw im sorry you lost your job it hurts...sucks big time.......its grief you feel take it a bit easy on yourself....hugses....deb

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Olivia_daviss

I feel this all the time I'm not popular and I'm dating a pro sportsman and since I live in a small town everyone knew him but since he hasn't left you he obviously thinks you are good enough I do think he can do better but if your boyfriend hasn't already left you he thinks you are good enough you may want to work on your confidence (I am still doing this)

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