T-Rexus Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Sorry for the title that makes me seem like I'm 15, I'm in my late 20's. I recently started a 2nd job, part-time at a retail store. Aside from the additional income I thought it would be an OK place to meet some girls. If somehow drama forms in the store because of me I'd just quit so I'm not worried about that. I've been there for about two weeks and starting to get to know the people there and some of their background stories. Apparently some of the girls have had crushes on some of the guys in the past and one girl was rejected by a guy and, some people dated and one quit and so on. The girls are early 20's. So my question is how do I become the kind of guy that women develop a crush on? Or what traits do those men have? I have never had a girl develop a crush on me so I feel that I'm missing something. Some really common advice I've read is to quickly ask girls out and then get to know them when you're dating, but I'd look like a fool if I asked out 4 girls in the store this month and get rejected by all of them. They would absolutely talk about me. Asking out one girl at random doesn't seem any better. I much rather have at least one girl start to like me and then I can ask her out Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Rexus Posted February 14, 2019 Author Share Posted February 14, 2019 I'm not going to get fired for dating another cashier, that's just not going to happen. And even I did, I don't care. If I did I'd just get a job at the store next down in the strip mall. I already have a full time job, this is just some supplemental income. People date and hookup in jobs like this all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 You are basically asking "how can I make girls like me". Be handsome Be funny Be smart Be successful Be charming Be a good conversationalist Have great grooming Dress stylishly Have a toned body Have good teeth Easy right Honestly, the girls in the store are going to like you or they won't. What puzzles me, is that you make it sound like any of them will do. Do you not have any preferences? Link to post Share on other sites
Lotus_Luna Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 I bet youtube has some good videos on this. It sounds like you need to work on your confidence and social skills. Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Rexus Posted February 14, 2019 Author Share Posted February 14, 2019 Be handsome Be funny Be smart Be successful Be charming Be a good conversationalist Have great grooming Dress stylishly Have a toned body Have good teeth Easy right Yeah I see the standard answers. But since we're all working in a retail store none of us are that successful, or dress stylishly. Grooming is standard, same with teeth. So I guess it all comes down to be handsome, funny, smart, charming and have a fit body. I wonder what guys are the most popular? There are probably 12 or so women in the store that I'm aware of. I'm attracted to 4 of them. I just learned that one of the cutest girls has a boyfriend, another girl is very young and loves Jesus, ha! But in the end it doesn't really matter who I prefer. Turn over is high in retail and I want to be one of the guys that the girls like and that new girls would be interested in as well. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 As it turns out, being handsome and dressing stylishly are just extras, not requirements. Thank God. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Hah, if only it were so easy as just following a simple guide in order to make people like you! Ain't that simple. Not for girls either - girls with no standards can get laid easily but they can't necessarily get the attention of the guys they WANT to like them either. Best advice I can give you is: Be cheerful. People like to be around happy people. Look confident without being a jerk. Don't waffle and whine at work. Be actually good at your job. Offer to help others if they look stuck or confused, but don't force them to take your help if they say they'd rather do it themselves. You want people to see you as competent, reliable and heroic. However... Have a life outside of work. Sure, be good at your job, but when the shift ends, have something better to do. Don't be a doormat that every girl can count on to close up the shop while she skips out early - they won't respect you for that, it just teaches them to take advantage of you. Have hobbies you can talk about, too. Catch people's attention by having something way more interesting than work to chat about. Don't obsess. You're probably not going to meet the love of your life at a retail store. Don't get too hung up on any particular girl. Definitely don't get obsessed with one and bent out of shape if she turns you down. If you make the place miserable, nobody else will give you a chance. There's also 'the chase' to be considered. If you want a girl to have a crush on you, you can't go after her too openly! Chasing HER gives her no chance to chase YOU. And of course, my top terrible-but-true (in my experience) for how to make girls develop crushes on you - be already casually dating someone else, so that it's demonstrated that you're desirable and that she'll have to work a little to win you. (This is not necessarily GOOD advice! But especially with younger women, it's a thing that seems to happen a lot.) (There absolutely are girls who go for the shy, retiring guys... some women are more attracted to a guy the more pitiful he looks because they want to nurture and take care of him. But I'm guessing that's not the kind of girl you're after.) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Trying to win over multiple people in the same circle is a bad plan. Pick the single one you like best & flirt with her. You don't want management to think you are just a snake. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 If no girl has ever had a crush on you in your life, you are probably more like an acquired taste than a man women will fight over to get to you. Just concentrate on trying to meet a woman you have stuff in common with and get to know her rather than focusing on being the object of many women's attention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 I disagree with the advice of asking them out quickly in this situation. The point of being in a retail job or some job where you can socialize and get to know people because you see them regularly is just that, for a friendship to grow or to discover people with common interests while there. You shouldn't try to "do" anything. It's too desperate. You should be yourself and see which of the ladies seem to like you and initiate talking to you regularly. And that is who you might eventually ask out once you find out her situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Rexus Posted February 14, 2019 Author Share Posted February 14, 2019 Thanks for the tips somanymistakes! If only guides were so simple. I'm still pretty new so it's hard to be confident, but that will happen overtime. I do want more people to count on me. I'd probably have some girls into me if I was a manger, but I already have a full-time job. I'll work on being cheerful and fun. Don't be a doormat that every girl can count on to close up the shop while she skips out early - they won't respect you for that, it just teaches them to take advantage of you. Very interesting that you say this. One of the girls, who I'm interested in apparently has a reputation for doing this. And of course, my top terrible-but-true (in my experience) for how to make girls develop crushes on you - be already casually dating someone else Along with her reputation I also heard that she doesn't like the other pretty girl because guys talk to that girl and the first girl gets jealous. It all sounds like a game. I got this dumb fantasy of them fighting over me Don't obsess. Absolutely a problem I normally have so I need to make sure to keep this in check. I am working on this. There's also 'the chase' to be considered. If you want a girl to have a crush on you, you can't go after her too openly! Chasing HER gives her no chance to chase YOU.Very interesting. I'm still trying to figure out the balance between being interested but not easy. It's a dance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Rexus Posted February 14, 2019 Author Share Posted February 14, 2019 Trying to win over multiple people in the same circle is a bad plan. Pick the single one you like best & flirt with her. You don't want management to think you are just a snake. I don't see why I can't flirt with everybody. From what I heard that's what the guys who are good with women do. I just don't want to ask out everybody and develop that kind of reputation. And I absolutely know that they will talk to the managers even if it's just gossip. So far I've heard that I'm generally liked. Also I'm afraid that if I focus on one girl and get shot down by her then that's it. I rather wait and see who likes me, if it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Rexus Posted February 14, 2019 Author Share Posted February 14, 2019 Just concentrate on trying to meet a woman you have stuff in common with and get to know her rather than focusing on being the object of many women's attention. Uh, I don't want to get too much into my past here, but that has exactly what I've been doing and it almost never works out. I got burned very badly by doing that last year. I got very close to a girl and we became very close friends, but when it came down to it, in the end she didn't like me like I liked her and I got hurt very badly. This time I want to do something a little differently and see if I can get a girl to express interest in me and then I can focus on her. I really really want to avoid the situation of developing feelings for a girl and her not reciprocating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Rexus Posted February 14, 2019 Author Share Posted February 14, 2019 I disagree with the advice of asking them out quickly in this situation. The point of being in a retail job or some job where you can socialize and get to know people because you see them regularly is just that, for a friendship to grow or to discover people with common interests while there. I completely agree with you. Quickly asking out people is great for situations where you will most likely not interact with a person again. In a retail job like this and one where communication is easy because the person is literally one check stand over which offers a great area to socialize. Also I'd probably get a bad reputation if I get rejected by one or more girls. So far I've already established common interests with three of the girls. One of them is a huge anime fan, one likes to read fantasy books and the third really likes super hero movies. You shouldn't try to "do" anything. It's too desperate. You should be yourself and see which of the ladies seem to like you and initiate talking to you regularly. And that is who you might eventually ask out once you find out her situation. The problem though is that being myself doesn't really work and it just leads me to developing friendship and getting stuck as just friends. I need to go out of my norm and somehow cause one or more of them to be interested in me as more than just a friend. I know there is a certain way that guys talk to and interact with girls that gets the girls to like them. It's like a mix of being friendly, teasing, flirty, with a bit of being mean. Nobody wants a guy that is just nice because he's boring and easy. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 I don't see why I can't flirt with everybody. From what I heard that's what the guys who are good with women do. I just don't want to ask out everybody and develop that kind of reputation. And I absolutely know that they will talk to the managers even if it's just gossip. So far I've heard that I'm generally liked. Also I'm afraid that if I focus on one girl and get shot down by her then that's it. I rather wait and see who likes me, if it happens. You can flirt with everybody IF you are skilled flirter. You are also right that if you focus you can't move on to the next. As somebody else pointed out, even though this job is not your career, using work to meet people requires you play the long game. Tread carefully. You have to be yourself in that you have to be true to yourself & not put on airs or try to be something you are not. You do need to be your best self: gracious, flirty. thoughtful, debonair & whimsical 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 Well, that's why I said the part you didn't maybe notice about waiting until you can clearly see what female is paying YOU the most attention because that is likely one who will accept a date, but first find out who has boyfriends. Because some married women or ones with boyfriends feel "safe" to kind of flirt because they know they'll do nothing about it! So instead of you picking who to ask out, ask out the one that always comes around and is friendly or at all flirty. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 Get mature and not give a damn on who likes for anything other than who you are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 I really really want to avoid the situation of developing feelings for a girl and her not reciprocating. Then you probably should just rule out dating altogether. This is unrealistic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 Gradation is important here. Flirting can be fun and silly ... and mean nothing serious at all. Flirty just means you know how to make someone else feel good about themselves ... The key for you is to NOT see every interaction as leading to a potential relationship. That's the way to not have anyone develop a crush on you. First, do a good job at the store ... be helpful ... be on time ... then just start conversations that are of interest to you ... And you don't develop feelings beyond where you are in knowing the person. You ask someone out to figure out if you have feelings ... the initial feelings that might lead you to ask someone out are unreliable and fleeting. That's why we have to go out with people ... to see what they're like. People rarely fit our fantasy of the when we first meet them. Sticking with a making friends strategy can easily work for you ... because you'll relax ... and be yourself ... and then let interest in you develop naturally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Rexus Posted February 15, 2019 Author Share Posted February 15, 2019 You can flirt with everybody IF you are skilled flirter. You are also right that if you focus you can't move on to the next. As somebody else pointed out, even though this job is not your career, using work to meet people requires you play the long game. Tread carefully. You have to be yourself in that you have to be true to yourself & not put on airs or try to be something you are not. You do need to be your best self: gracious, flirty. thoughtful, debonair & whimsical Heh I'm not a skilled flirter, but I'm working on it! I'm not gracious, flirty. thoughtful, debonair or whimsical but I can practice and try to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Rexus Posted February 15, 2019 Author Share Posted February 15, 2019 Well, that's why I said the part you didn't maybe notice about waiting until you can clearly see what female is paying YOU the most attention because that is likely one who will accept a date, but first find out who has boyfriends. So instead of you picking who to ask out, ask out the one that always comes around and is friendly or at all flirty. Right, I agree with you to and let the girls take the lead a bit and see who is interested, look for signs. I can also ask some light probing questions and see their status. Hell a great question is, how was your valentines day? I'm planning on using that at work. Because some married women or ones with boyfriends feel "safe" to kind of flirt because they know they'll do nothing about it!Haha tell me about it! The only woman I've ever got a number from on a night out swing dancing ended up being engaged!! Last year I asked out a married woman coworker who I thought was flirting with me and I didn't notice her ring. Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Rexus Posted February 15, 2019 Author Share Posted February 15, 2019 Then you probably should just rule out dating altogether. This is unrealistic. It's not unrealistic at all. What I want to avoid is the situation where I focus on one girl, develop feelings for her and build up a relationship with her in my head when I haven't even kissed her yet. Those girls almost always start dating somebody and then I'm tossed out like garbage. I cannot let that happen to me again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Rexus Posted February 15, 2019 Author Share Posted February 15, 2019 Gradation is important here. Flirting can be fun and silly ... and mean nothing serious at all. Flirty just means you know how to make someone else feel good about themselves ... The key for you is to NOT see every interaction as leading to a potential relationship. That's the way to not have anyone develop a crush on you. I really need to figure out what flirting means to me. Personally I hate "harmless" flirting because I see it actually causing harm to me when things do not work out. I don't get a lot of women flirting with me and it really sucks when there is no intention behind it. Just getting my hopes up. Yes I know I need to change that. It's just so hard to tell when flirting is serious or not. And you don't develop feelings beyond where you are in knowing the person. You ask someone out to figure out if you have feelings ... the initial feelings that might lead you to ask someone out are unreliable and fleeting. That's why we have to go out with people ... to see what they're like. People rarely fit our fantasy of the when we first meet them.I don't think that will work on this situation. If I try to get to know a girl on a date and ask her out too early there is a big chance of rejection and then I really can't ask out anybody else. I don't know there is some window of when to ask them but I have no idea when that is. That's why I'm hoping that girls may start to like me a bit from casually interacting with me and then I can make a move. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 So far I've heard that I'm generally liked Get ready to learn that being generally liked and generally desired are two very different things... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Rexus Posted February 15, 2019 Author Share Posted February 15, 2019 Get ready to learn that being generally liked and generally desired are two very different things... Mr. Lucky Hah, I've known that for a very long time. If I was generally desired I'd never make this thread, or joined this forum Link to post Share on other sites
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