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How did you recover?


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Old 11th February 2019, 4:39 PM   #1
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How did you recover?

I wanted to know your worst heartbreak and how did you manage to recover and move on. I'm interested in reading your experiences?

I'm talking about those heartbreaks that left u feeling like u won't love anyone ever again, that left you depressed and not want to go on anymore, I'm talking HEAVY heartbreaks. Those that leave scars.

So for you who DID manage to move on and who found happiness elsewhere - please describe your heartbreak and process of healing! Thanks.
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Old 11th February 2019, 10:07 PM   #2
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You have to "think different". Stop thinking about how having a partner will make you happy. You have to be happy with yourself. Once you're at ease with yourself, give to people for the honest pleasure of giving, be fun and happy, be the sort of person people like having around - then love will find you all on its own.

You have to stop putting the type of person your ideal partner would be on a pedestal. Just get along with everybody honestly and openly and make a concerted effort to talk to anyone and everyone with a genuine interest.

Once you realise you can be happy with yourself and you are confident talking openly to anyone you will find love almost everywhere.

That's what I did - I had multiple failed relationships and was unhappy with myself, unhappy at work and had few friends. I realised I had to fundamentally change my outlook *and believe it honestly and truly* before I could be happy and in love again.

It's not easy, it took a lot of effort to change (I carried a notebook everywhere for months and wrote down everything I thought I did wrong and why it made me FEEL bad, and what I should do to get out of that feeling).
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Old 13th February 2019, 6:19 PM   #3
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By the absence of replies, I assume most probably didn't move on?
Perhaps they know that deep down, real love isn't like a hit song.
Though you eventually learn to adapt, or change, or live without,
The intensity, love, and security wasn't fake, that's what it's all about.

Could you find that with someone new? Of course, it's happened to most,
Though could they call it the same love, or feelings, as they happily boast?
Would they ever admit it's a different love, or feeling, they felt with someone new?
For with each new relationship it's as different as each morning's dew.
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Old 13th February 2019, 10:43 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrReplyInRhymes View Post
By the absence of replies, I assume most probably didn't move on?
probably... after all, this is LoveShack. i assume that people who move on don't really stick around to post.

Quote:
Perhaps they know that deep down, real love isn't like a hit song.
i love your posts! and yeah... love isn't like a hit song. but i think we all hope we will love more than just once. most of us suffered through at least ONE heartbreak, no? most of us were dumped at least once and most of us felt, at least once, that we will never love again. that it is the end of the world.

and... most of us did survive and did move on to another relationship.

although - i think age has something to do with it. meaning, i think we get over our first loves easier as young people, it is much harder to move on when you first fall in love in your thirties... like, for the first time ever.

Quote:
For with each new relationship it's as different as each morning's dew.
i agree. different does not mean bad.

how about you, Rhymes? did you move on from your heartbreak?
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Old 13th February 2019, 10:48 PM   #5
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Once you realise you can be happy with yourself and you are confident talking openly to anyone you will find love almost everywhere.
forgive me... but i am a bit sceptical of this, in terms of finding romantic love. the truth is, we are not compatible with many people. we click and fall in love mutually with even fewer people so when you do find that ONE love that feels real and true... obviously, heartbreak makes you feel like you will never find that again. i am talking about the person you thought that was the one, the one you thought you will grow old with, not just a bunch of randomly short relationships.

so i will have to disagree with u, i don't think the outlook matters much. after all, some people won't be happy in love. that is just a fact of life, it is what it is. some have it and lose it and never find it again. i think most are worried that they will end up being THAT person.

i mean, i agree that positive energy and thinking attracts people but i don't think it is necessary to be happy in order to find a partner or true love.
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Old 13th February 2019, 11:03 PM   #6
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i have had a lot of heartbreak and its forgiveness that helped my heart to heal every time....i have felt a lot of hurt and frustration..confusion...betrayal...ridicule...cru elty.......and i found when i forgive and an apology for the ones who broke my heart helped a lot for me to forgive.....but even when the apology never comes .....forgiveness becomes ...easier the more time you forgive.....

it might seem like you are giving in or giving up ...but its not about that... its about your own hearts worth...your heart is worth more than the sum of every hurt you have ever endured or had others endure...as you would want someone to heal from your hurting them..allow yourself the kindness and gentleness of forgiveness to heal all scars like a true life balm....your heart is worth so much more than to remain hurting from unforgiveness....forgiveness does....truly heal...believe me...try to feel that forgiveness....even the smallest bit of forgiveness...can and will grow...if you let yourself forgive....

heart break is a place of hurt....forgiveness is the place where you move on..deb
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Old 14th February 2019, 4:03 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by minimariah2 View Post
I wanted to know your worst heartbreak and how did you manage to recover and move on. I'm interested in reading your experiences?

I'm talking about those heartbreaks that left u feeling like u won't love anyone ever again, that left you depressed and not want to go on anymore, I'm talking HEAVY heartbreaks. Those that leave scars.

So for you who DID manage to move on and who found happiness elsewhere - please describe your heartbreak and process of healing! Thanks.


It took time and distractions, like spending more time with friends.
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Old 14th February 2019, 5:29 AM   #8
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It's hard to know what "qualifies" as a heavy heartbreak, but I think it's normal to feel like you won't love anyone again, especially on your first breakup, or a breakup of a relationship >1 year. I know I felt like that through all of my breakups.


I did love someone again, eventually. Take time to grieve, pamper yourself, surround yourself with loved ones.



All the best.
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Old 14th February 2019, 9:03 AM   #9
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I had a happy bachelorhood and saw no reason to give it up. However I was the only one of a dozen grand children who was capable of passing on the family name. So for over a decade I got a lot of pressure from my family to marry and have kids.
Then I met my wife, total fold-out material, and for over 2 years she was pushing for us to get married.
I did not love her until I saw her walking down the aisle to take her vows with me. Then I fell totally head over heels in love with her. I was going to have a family.
Six months later, we separated. I was so crushed I actually wondered whether some time in the future I might once again find away to laugh.
Also I should add, that after we married we moved a thousand miles away from our home town. I was left with no one to talk to no family, no friends, etc.
My first problem was to find away to turn my brain off and not think about her.
Toward that end, I dove back into my hobbies. I also experimented with hobbies I had a hankering to try. I failed at raising orchids. But had great success raising rare and hard to breed tropical fish. It took some effort to set up the tanks and get the water just right. Then once I had fry, it took more time to raise them as they too needed special conditions, such as life food, baby brine, micro-worms, etc. Which took more of my time.
I was already a pretty good cook, but got the idea of learning how to cook some gourmet meals. This was a win-win, as in most cases they took a little fore thought and more preparation time than simply frying up a hamburger. And I was rewarded with a great meal, and I knew that it was a skill I good use once I got back into dating. How right
I was.
The negatives, I swore I would never ever love again. That lasted for almost a decade and a half. I got back into the dating scene, but the first hint of my falling in love found me packing my bags and getting out of Dodge.
Then one night, second date, first kiss, still don't know how it happened, but when I went home that night, I realized how lonely I was. I was in love.
That was 23 years ago. And no I will never marry again.
As for the Ex. I Googled her a few years back and found some photos. Boy did I get lucky. The years have not been kind to her and she easily weighs a couple hundred pounds. While for the past 23 years I have shared my life with a grand mother, who still has an hour glass figure and is the nicest sweetest person I have ever met.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 6:55 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by minimariah2 View Post
probably... after all, this is LoveShack. i assume that people who move on don't really stick around to post.



i love your posts! and yeah... love isn't like a hit song. but i think we all hope we will love more than just once. most of us suffered through at least ONE heartbreak, no? most of us were dumped at least once and most of us felt, at least once, that we will never love again. that it is the end of the world.

and... most of us did survive and did move on to another relationship.

although - i think age has something to do with it. meaning, i think we get over our first loves easier as young people, it is much harder to move on when you first fall in love in your thirties... like, for the first time ever.



i agree. different does not mean bad.

how about you, Rhymes? did you move on from your heartbreak?
Yes, I moved on in the sense that I am further along the timeline of my life,
However, those I loved, I loved truly, and I loved who they were inside,
Unless they've dramatically changed, and most people simply do not,
The love I had for them remains the same, it's not a passing thought.

Each and every one I love, I loved for different reasons strictly related to them,
The intensity and the passion obviously unique for each, however, each a different gem,
To deny how I felt, and how I feel, about their person, and what makes up who they are,
Would be a disservice to myself and to future partners - even if those feelings were momentarily jarred.
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Old 6th March 2019, 6:03 PM   #11
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I’m still trying to figure this out after months. I’ve tried dating a few times and still can’t get over her. Started dating girl known since we were little and everything was great until she had a health issue and wanted space. I couldn’t understand why because had been helping her through it until she started pushing me away this time. Told her was working on trying to understand best way to be there for her and she would get pissed. She said she would contact me but couple weeks I checked on her and she answered and I said great get some rest that’s it. Didn’t hear from her for weeks and got concerned so tried to check back and wouldn’t answer so asked some friends and she finally answered and was really pissed. I did the usual well I love you and just worried and chased her for a couple months and she hasn’t talked to me since. She said I was acting desperate and even obsessive but heck what do you do when girl is hurting? I know now to just suck it up and try to move on. She has bad anxiety and depression and maybe more but i still think can atleast say something. Come to find out I have anxiety disorder too which made matters worse and have addressed my issues but still hard to understand how someone can love you one minute and just disappear the next especially when been friends for so long. To make matters worse she made a few things up about me which really hurt but I forgave her because know state she was in.
I’ve made the mistake of trying to contact her a few times the last several months but no answer and no idea how she is. Even been to therapist who said she has done me a favor by doing this but it still doesn’t help. I don’t think I’ll ever see or talk to her again and am trying to finally get a handle on that. It’s probably for best but doesn’t make things easier that’s for sure.
If anyone has the magic cure I’d love to know. It sucks knowing someone you can’t forget has forgotten about you
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Old 6th March 2019, 9:16 PM   #12
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Every breakup I had in my teens and 20s was tough. didn't matter if I was the dumper or the dumpee, it still was a lot to handle. What always carried me through was the thought that each relationship was a learning experience, that would help me for my eventual marriage. In my mid to late 20s I was on and off with a wonderful person. We ended up breaking it off because we had different dreams... and it was rough. I wouldn't say clinically depressed, but maybe situational depression. I couldn't fathom the thought of dating again. Then I slowly decided I needed to get myself out there again, and happen to stumble upon what I thought was my dream girl. Beautiful, smart, driven... instantly my mind was better. I still thought of my ex daily, but this girl had it all. We eventually get married....have a wonderful marriage. Get along great until just after our 7 year anniversary. I find out shes chumming it up a tad too much with a co worker. Then.... I get blindsided and she leaves me. Instant anxiety and depression that ive never felt before. I was very close to her family so its a huge loss for me. In the past time and hope always got me through. Im at 5 months of separation now.... life is tough still looking for answers.
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Old 7th March 2019, 12:57 AM   #13
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It took me over a year to not be sad about it everyday. The only way I got through it was pushing myself to be better in other placesómy job, my health, my friendships etc. and my deluded thinking was he would come back, apologize, see how great I was doing and we would get back together. Itís that breakup that brought me to LS to begin with. And I would post and read here almost everyday to take away the loneliness.

He never came back and he hasnít apologized. I made sure our mutual friends didnít feed me information and Iíve gotten to a place where it doesnít hurt anymore. Iím forever scarred by that experience but it got easier the more space I had away from him.

I ended up falling down the rabbit hole with a friend who was in a relationship with someone else and ended up marrying her. This (self-inflicted) pain doesnít even come close to how I felt after my first heartbreak.
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Old 7th March 2019, 3:51 PM   #14
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As Alan Jackson once sang, life is not like in the movies, here in the real world real hearts break. It took me a very long time to recover like a decade or more. I have no answer how or why.


Depends solely on the individual. If you are introspective and tend to obsess then it will take much longer. If you are a happier person, most likely not so long. No definite answer. No self help book can tell you. I still think of a few GFs.
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Old 8th March 2019, 10:00 PM   #15
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Anyone have to deal with ex who is bipolar and the breakup? Not normal breakup
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