Abfab Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 I’ve been with my boyfriend for about two years. Back at the beginning of December, we went on a night out with one of his friends and this girl who he claimed he wasn’t really friends with but that he felt bad because she didn’t have any friends (however she does have a boyfriend). The night basically went terribly and afterwards she sent some pretty scathing messages about me to the group chat with her, my boyfriend and all their friends. He showed me the messages but never defended me or said anything to counter what she had said about me. Following this, he claimed that him and his friends thought she was pretty brutal and not a nice person so stopped talking to her. A couple of weeks later, he mentioned that he had got a message from her again (for some reason she messages him in great detail about her sex life and problems with her boyfriend - according to my boyfriend, there’s no way she is into him and he isn’t into her), however when I saw the message, he was the one who initiated the conversation. Anyway fast forward a couple of months to the current problem. On Saturday he sent me some photos of messages she sent him and said it was the first time she had messaged him since I met her. When I saw him later that day he gave me his phone to look at a car he was interested in, and when he left the room (I know I shouldn’t have) I went onto the messenger chat with this girl, only to scroll back and to see that they have been messaging on and off since the night out in December. And that for some he has been initiating the chats. And also he has told her things about me like the fact I wasn’t happy when I found out he had previously slept with a new work colleague of mine (before we met but the sleeping with overlapped with us first talking), as well as a couple of other things. He was speaking to her during the day at Christmas and throughout the festive period and a lot of other times. But he doesn’t know I saw this. Anyway so today I messaged him asking if 100% he hadn’t heard from her since the night out and he was like. Definitely. So I called him out on that, to which he claims he thought the night out was at new year and she’s unimportant to him which is why he can’t remember when it was. (He sent me a photo of the message from the weekend and showing the previous message was just at the beginning of January). And told me to drop it. So I asked him if he had ever mentioned me to her, to which he replies that he had only ever done it in the past when she’s asked him about me but not recently. So I asked him if I looked at the chat with her, would I see him mention me. And he said the only time was when he mentioned what clothing size I was because she wanted to lose weight or something. And said he had never mentioned me other than that. (Which I know is a blatant lie as I saw he mentioned me a few times) He then got angry at me telling me he’s not lying and to drop it because he doesn’t care about her and he’s not trying to speak to her. Then told me to leave it and that he doesn’t want to hear about it again. Sorry for the long post but i felt it needed the background. Now i don’t know what to do. If I tell him that I know he was saying stuff about me then he’ll know I’ve seen the chat but I can’t just carry on with him blatantly lying to me about this. Am I overreacting? Should I say something? What should I do? Thank you in advance for any advice you can give. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 She's definitely bad news but him lying is a problem. I'd address the lying. Take her out of the equation. Make him understand that lying about anything causes harm to your relationship. Then get it to spell out why he stays in touch with this brutal person & why he would share personal info about you with her, knowing that she has been so awful to you in the past Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Then get it to spell out why he stays in touch with this brutal person & why he would share personal info about you with her, knowing that she has been so awful to you in the past I'd guess she's his Plan B and he's keeping her close in case things go south in his current relationship. OP, plan accordingly... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 You tell him you saw the texts he sent, you know he lied and never contact you again. How else could it go down that anything good would ever come from it? You don't need him to admit he lied to make it true, you already know he lied and is willing to turn it around on you. He will never admit it and you will never be vindicated. Don't bother, move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Abfab Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 She's definitely bad news but him lying is a problem. I'd address the lying. Take her out of the equation. Make him understand that lying about anything causes harm to your relationship. Then get it to spell out why he stays in touch with this brutal person & why he would share personal info about you with her, knowing that she has been so awful to you in the past He insists he didn’t lie. But he also insists he’s never lied about “anything important” and he’s said he doesn’t care about this situation or think it’s impordant. I told him it’s odd that they still speak after what she did and he said he has “no plans of talking to her in the future” but then he did also say that after the night out with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 This reads to me as you saying "I think he's lying, and I've seen he's lied, but he says he's honest". Look, liars lie, and he's a liar. Move on to find someone honest and considerate. Sorry for the pain this d-bag is willing to inflict, you don't deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Abfab Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 This reads to me as you saying "I think he's lying, and I've seen he's lied, but he says he's honest". Look, liars lie, and he's a liar. Move on to find someone honest and considerate. Sorry for the pain this d-bag is willing to inflict, you don't deserve it. Yea...he’s now moved on to calling me delusional and saying I’m fabricating an issue Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Cut all that I would have said "honey I don't want you talking to this girl " And if he express a problem I would breakup If he says he will stop talking to her then I won't bring her up again and enjoy the relationship But if I find out he still talking to her (and yes I would snoop to make sure) I would breakup Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 This is very classic gaslighting. Protect yourself from staying in a bad situation which will only get worse. Link to post Share on other sites
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