SBM1111 Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Guys how would you feel if a girl asked you out for coffee or a drink? Particularly a girl you work with and barely know only to communicate with work stuff? Would you be put off think she’s desperate etc or like the confidence? Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 I daydream about stuff like this, I would be thrilled Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 I'm a woman. When I dared to ask a man out, I always got a positive response. The working together adds another layer. Some people want nothing to do with co-workers on principle. Asking got an out of work get together is OK but determine the man's feelings about interoffice romance before pressing anythng Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 My nearest and dearest asked me out. And previous girls before that. No issue, why would it be? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Guys how would you feel if a girl asked you out for coffee or a drink? Particularly a girl you work with and barely know only to communicate with work stuff? Would you be put off think she’s desperate etc or like the confidence? if I was attracted to her and she asked me out I would be like; 'where and when??' 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 When I was single- Lucky !! Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 I asked a guy out one time and he said no. A few years later I ran into him and he was married with a kid. He was not happy and said he had wished he had gone out with me instead. I told him too bad. Have a good life. lol... Which I find really funny because if I tell a guy once I don't want to go out with him in a few years chances are I still don't want to go out with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SBM1111 Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 I want to ask a guy but afraid to. We have only spoken (very friendly) 2/3 times and as he is new to the healthcare facility I don’t know if he has a girlfriend etc. I am afraid I will make him uncomfortable and be rejected but I also don’t know how to ask him what to say etc as we never get to be alone together and don’t want to ask in front of everyone Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 In dating, you will always have to potentially deal with rejection, so I would just put that off the table right away. If you want him more - consider shaking his hand but leaving a piece of paper with your contact details in the handshake so it stays in his hand. Something slick like that so you don't have to be too in the open. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 If you want him more - consider shaking his hand but leaving a piece of paper with your contact details in the handshake so it stays in his hand. Something slick like that so you don't have to be too in the open. sorry garcon but that idea is cheesey at best and creepy at worst... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Men are a wee bit less likely to be creeped out by women asking them out than the other way around alphamale Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Would you be put off think she’s desperate etc or like the confidence? If he isn't attracted to you, or he is already in an exclusive relationship with someone else he may say no. As I have done when some women have asked me out. That said if he is attracted to you and is available, he is likely to say yes, and may be flattered that you are asking. Close to 23 years ago, my now wife, who was a work colleague asked me out on a date. At the time since I considered her to be attractive (she still is), plus I liked her, so I was happy to say yes. P.S. I wouldn't recommend passing notes as an idea. Link to post Share on other sites
ericw899 Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Guys how would you feel if a girl asked you out for coffee or a drink? Particularly a girl you work with and barely know only to communicate with work stuff? Would you be put off think she’s desperate etc or like the confidence? I would dip myself in gravy & dance naked on the rooftop! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 I would dip myself in gravy & dance naked on the rooftop! what sort of gravy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SBM1111 Posted February 12, 2019 Author Share Posted February 12, 2019 If he isn't attracted to you, or he is already in an exclusive relationship with someone else he may say no. As I have done when some women have asked me out. That said if he is attracted to you and is available, he is likely to say yes, and may be flattered that you are asking. Close to 23 years ago, my now wife, who was a work colleague asked me out on a date. At the time since I considered her to be attractive (she still is), plus I liked her, so I was happy to say yes. P.S. I wouldn't recommend passing notes as an idea. When you were asked and turn the girls down though did it create tension at work or was it all ok? Did you feel flattered that they asked you even though you didn’t feel the same or feel they looked desperate? Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 I'd be thrilled. Someone is interested in me, why wouldn't I be? At that point I have no idea whether they want to be friends or if they're interested in me romantically. Or if they just want to discuss work or get support. The whole point of going for a drink/coffee is to find that out directly rather than make assumptions all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 When you were asked and turn the girls down though did it create tension at work or was it all ok? Did you feel flattered that they asked you even though you didn’t feel the same or feel they looked desperate? All was okay, no tension either (others may vary). The only time it wasn't okay was some instances where they weren't work colleagues. One blew saying she had been wasting her time with me. Another asked if I was gay, because she couldn't believe that I would turn her down. A few others, kept asking after being turned down, which was a bit sad. Otherwise all was okay. At the end of the day, I never thought any of them were desperate. I just thought they were attracted to me. So lucky me, they were nice women. Yet it was simply not to be. None of us can help who we're attracted to. So people asking, saying no, or saying yes, is all okay to me. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 When you were asked and turn the girls down though did it create tension at work or was it all ok? Did you feel flattered that they asked you even though you didn’t feel the same or feel they looked desperate? I've always felt flattered, and I'd usually go with it. I never thought they looked desperate. In fact, I always thought it was admirable that they were willing to take the risk and ask instead of being totally passive. The key is to find a way of thinking that reduces the fear of rejection to a minimum or neutralizes it altogether. Like, what's the worst that could happen––he says no thanks. No big deal, you'll still be alive the next day. But if he says yes it could potentially change the course for your future. The difference between wondering "what if" and actualizing a possibility is pretty small. So ask. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 How awkward would this make your work environment, if he says no? As you don't actually know him, then it is a big risk. What if he turns out to be a big jerk and you want to dump him after one date, how would that affect your working relationship? I would do a bit of detective work first as regards his marital status, then try to get some more conversations with him under your belt. Is it possible to get closer to him via work coffee breaks/lunch, even if it is in a larger group? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SBM1111 Posted February 12, 2019 Author Share Posted February 12, 2019 How awkward would this make your work environment, if he says no? As you don't actually know him, then it is a big risk. What if he turns out to be a big jerk and you want to dump him after one date, how would that affect your working relationship? I would do a bit of detective work first as regards his marital status, then try to get some more conversations with him under your belt. Is it possible to get closer to him via work coffee breaks/lunch, even if it is in a larger group? If he says no I’m a big girl, I will feel like a fool like anyone would but at least I would have asked and that’s it done. I won’t be indifferent with him. It’s not that easy get close to him as he work in a hospital he is in a different department and only comes to the ward I work on occasionally. Hence why I want to talk to him more. We never get time alone so this would involve me bringing him into a quiet room or quieter area of the ward to ask him. I think a quiet room would be better. I plan on just coming out and asking him straight up would he like to meet for coffee some evening, if he says no he says no I can move on. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Anyone think this is a bad idea? Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 No, just go for it. He says no, so what? Not the end of the world. Think about it—this is the type of rejection that men routinely face. You can hack it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SBM1111 Posted February 12, 2019 Author Share Posted February 12, 2019 No, just go for it. He says no, so what? Not the end of the world. Think about it—this is the type of rejection that men routinely face. You can hack it. I am more conscious of being embarrassed and being talked about by my colleagues if I am rejected, I will feel foolish and regret the decision as they are all women and women love to talk lol no offence to other women Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 women ask me out all the time, I usually say no thanx but once in a while if I like her I will say yes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 This is to romantic, keep us posted on updates. ☺️ Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 (edited) Women coworkers ask me to lunch all the time ... Now ... I'm friends with most of these women ... most of whom are married ... But there are single coworkers who will ask me to lunch ... And I love it! ...You can ask someone to lunch to talk to them about work ... and inevitably, you will learn more about them and get to know them better as people. So depends on how you've interested with this person. I'm assuming you want to ask out a coworker ... Just throw in a line ... Hey, really enjoy your comments at our meetings ... I'd like to have lunch with you .... I would propose the place, somewhere safe and "worky." The funny thing is that I would have lunch with a coworker who I was just friends/coworker with ... and somewhere along the line ... things became more flirty ... It's a great strategy in life to ask to lunch anyone you really want to spend time with. If you're scared, keep the initial request work related ... if you have non-work conversation with person and have a bit more confidence, just say you would love to meet them for lunch Edited February 12, 2019 by Lotsgoingon Link to post Share on other sites
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