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how to let women know you're not a creep?


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I was thinking about going to a restaurant with a bar to watch a game and what do I do if I see a girl I'm interested in? How do I approach without her thinking I'm a creep? What should I do?

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somanymistakes

Mostly, pay attention to her reactions. Be friendly, express interest, but if she looks uncomfortable, back off. There's always another girl.

 

And really, that's one of the first helpful steps in being confident and not desperate. Knowing that there will always be another chance, another day, so if this one doesn't work out, hey, live and learn!

 

There's no secret shortcut to guarantee that a particular girl will respond to your approach, since people are all different and like different things. So try not to get too hung up on a particular girl early on.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

I agree. Just make sure you're reading her right. I wouldn't cold approach a woman who hasn't even made eye contact with you. You need to learn to sense interest before you do this.

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How about just being a Gentleman? How about leading your life as a non-sleazy SOB? Just putting on a persona, just to get one woman, one time will not work for long, you have to live it. If you do not know the rule of being a non-creep gentleman, look them up, and then, most importantly, live by them.

 

I wish you luck....

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thefooloftheyear
How about just being a Gentleman? How about leading your life as a non-sleazy SOB? Just putting on a persona, just to get one woman, one time will not work for long, you have to live it. If you do not know the rule of being a non-creep gentleman, look them up, and then, most importantly, live by them.

 

I wish you luck....

 

 

This is BS...And here's why....

 

Good looking/attractive men don't need to really be gentlemanly...Heck, sometime's they can be downright docuhey and yet may never be thought of as "creepy" by women...

 

Conversely, homely, awkward, physically unappealing men can try all of the so called "gentlemanly" tactics and still get dismissed as creeps..

 

Its one of those things that have a sliding scale and selective application...Of course if you are one of the homely types, you are better off going the gentlemanly route...it will likely get you nowhere, but at least you may not get publicly humiliated, a drink poured on you, or worse..

 

TFY

Edited by thefooloftheyear
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Kitty Tantrum

Get as close behind her as you can without her knowing you're there. Stop just short of touching her ear with your nose. Whisper gently "I think you're pretty."

 

You're welcome.

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somanymistakes
Get as close behind her as you can without her knowing you're there. Stop just short of touching her ear with your nose. Whisper gently "I think you're pretty."

 

You're welcome.

 

Please don't say this kind of thing as the OP has a little trouble reading social cues and might not understand that you are being sarcastic.

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somanymistakes

Good looking/attractive men don't need to really be gentlemanly...Heck, sometime's they can be downright docuhey and yet may never be thought of as "creepy" by women...

 

Conversely, homely, awkward, physically unappealing men can try all of the so called "gentlemanly" tactics and still get dismissed as creeps..

 

TFY

 

And exactly the opposite can happen as well because PEOPLE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME.

 

Sometimes a guy you think is hideous acts in a way that you think is jerky and yet the woman of his choice eats it up. BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE WEIRD.

 

And there are handsome guys who are dismissed as douchey jerks.

 

There is NO individual in the world who is so handsome that he can do absolutely anything he likes and still be universally loved. Not even if he's handsome AND fabulously wealthy. (But if he's handsome and fabulously wealthy, he's definitely got a wider range of options available.)

 

No individual will get away with everything, with everyone. You HAVE to watch the reactions of the person you're approaching and see if she digs you. Does she smile? Do her eyes do that little flick to check out your body, or does she try to turn away to look for her friends? Does she laugh at your jokes, or only make a pained noise?

 

But I agree that telling the OP to just behave "like a gentleman" isn't very helpful. What exactly is gentlemanly? And there are plenty of ways to try to behave like a gentleman and still be a jerk, especially if you're trying to follow some 'rulebook' with no thought to how the person you're talking to feels about it.

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Body language is a big thing, and I have to agree that sensing interest is a good start. If you do approach, don't lean in and get too close. Look for signs of interest or discomfort - and if she isn't interested, walk away.

 

Remember that you know absolutely nothing about the person you're about to approach. She might have a BF or husband at home. She might have just broken up with someone and needs some alone time. She might not be interested in guys. She might not be attracted to your type (and that's not a reflection on you - everyone has their type, I'm sure you do too!). When you meet them, you should be focused on actually trying to get to know them rather than putting moves on too early, and it's in that time you'll work out if they're actually interested (and if you are too!)

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thefooloftheyear
And exactly the opposite can happen as well because PEOPLE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME.

 

Sometimes a guy you think is hideous acts in a way that you think is jerky and yet the woman of his choice eats it up. BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE WEIRD.

 

And there are handsome guys who are dismissed as douchey jerks.

 

There is NO individual in the world who is so handsome that he can do absolutely anything he likes and still be universally loved. Not even if he's handsome AND fabulously wealthy. (But if he's handsome and fabulously wealthy, he's definitely got a wider range of options available.)

No individual will get away with everything, with everyone. You HAVE to watch the reactions of the person you're approaching and see if she digs you. Does she smile? Do her eyes do that little flick to check out your body, or does she try to turn away to look for her friends? Does she laugh at your jokes, or only make a pained noise?

 

But I agree that telling the OP to just behave "like a gentleman" isn't very helpful. What exactly is gentlemanly? And there are plenty of ways to try to behave like a gentleman and still be a jerk, especially if you're trying to follow some 'rulebook' with no thought to how the person you're talking to feels about it.

 

 

Funny story regarding the bolded part...

 

Years ago, there was a guy that I hung around with and ran in the circle of buddies I had at the time...Good looking dude...He looked like and was built like John Cena, only maybe better looking...Anyway, when we went out he would play a game on how obnoxious he could be and still pull women...He'd do stuff like go up to women, start talking to them, then fart real loud right next to them...They'd just giggle and act like it was funny and wouldn't bat an eye...Other times he'd tell them bs stories about how he was a hitman and murdered several people...blah blah…

 

You would think that women would run for the hills after hearing this stuff...Most often they wouldn't,,,

 

So while of course there are no absolutes, certain things follow a pattern...Most guys that have nothing to offer in terms of attractiveness to the average women could do everything by the book, and still get told to hit the bricks...Others the opposite...

 

TFY

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You would think that women would run for the hills after hearing this stuff...Most often they wouldn't,,,

 

I had a guy lived on my floor in college like this. Had I not had a girlfriend, I could have happily existed off his culls, rejects and orbiters. He was outright rude to many of the women around him with little or no discouraging effect on them. It was pretty amazing to watch...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Yea about going to a bar with a friend, it would be easy if I had a friend to go with. People don't understand this about me, I like being alone without people around me. I'm an introvert of all introverts. I have my friends added on my facebook that I knew from school, but that's it. I don't hang out with anyone in real life, because I don't want to get hurt. You may ask what I do in my spare time? Study and work out. In all honesty people just suck now.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Yea about going to a bar with a friend, it would be easy if I had a friend to go with. People don't understand this about me, I like being alone without people around me. I'm an introvert of all introverts. I have my friends added on my facebook that I knew from school, but that's it. I don't hang out with anyone in real life, because I don't want to get hurt. You may ask what I do in my spare time? Study and work out. In all honesty people just suck now.

 

You just described yourself as pretty anti-social and then accuse other people of sucking. How so?

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Yea about going to a bar with a friend, it would be easy if I had a friend to go with. People don't understand this about me, I like being alone without people around me. I'm an introvert of all introverts. I have my friends added on my facebook that I knew from school, but that's it. I don't hang out with anyone in real life, because I don't want to get hurt. You may ask what I do in my spare time? Study and work out. In all honesty people just suck now.

 

Well all that sounds pretty creepy...

No-one is going to step in and "save" you, you need to "save" yourself.

I know you have issues, but you need to change your mindset.

Ever seen the Grinch?

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bradt93

 

Making a friend is easier then getting a GF. Try mastering that skill 1st. Take a FB friend & spend some time in real life with that person.

 

Picking somebody up in a bar takes finesse. Because you are an introvert who doesn't really like people & who is scared of getting hurt, unfortunately, if you try to pick up a woman in a bar, I fear you will come off as creepy because women in bars are not open to giving guys chances or giving them the benefit of the doubt. Any missed social cues will be magnified.

 

You will be much better off trying to find a GF somewhere else like a group (not Meet up per se) where people can get to know you over time.

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You just described yourself as pretty anti-social and then accuse other people of sucking. How so?

 

 

Yeah, if you don't want to be around other people and don't enjoy their company, why would they want to be around you? Women want to be around people that make them happy.

 

 

Bars are not a good place to go alone to pick up women. You will probably come across as a creep in most situations at a bar if you are alone. I generally won't buy drinks for women I don't know at a bar but the only "pick up" I have ever really done at a bar where it wasn't a matter of my group chatting up a group of women, is basically one thing:

 

 

If I am ordering a drink at the same time as a woman next to me up at the bar, when the bartender comes by tell them to take her order first and when they do it's pretty easy to open a conversation with her about the drink she is ordering. Say the drink she ordered sounds good and now you can't decide if you want that or not... or if you never heard of that drink ask her/the bartender what's in it and you get a little 3 way conversation going...whatever, just do it passively as small talk...just don't make fun of her drink, but if the drinks are weak, while you are waiting for the drink to come back tell her they are watered down and you usually get a double because that's like a normal drink, small talk...When the bartender comes back you can say or make a motion to the bartender to put hers on your tab...(quietly like you don't want her to necessarily know and you are not trying to make a show of YOU buying her a drink). She will 'overhear' it or the bartender will tell her you bought it for her. At that point, don't say much more, you're done. Shut up and leave it alone. Don't hit on her. If she says thank you, say you're welcome and that's it. If she says you didn't have to buy it or she doesn't want you to, just tell her you are having a really good day and it would make you happy to pass it on a little bit to others. Tell her you hope she has a great night with her friends, raise your glass and say "Cheers", smile and walk or turn away.

 

 

If she has any interest, she will chat you up again later. If you buy her a drink with the expectation that it will be your "in" or she owes you conversation in return, it will be creepy. I guarantee you might not get a phone number, but if you do it right you will get a thank you and a smile later in the night and at least can build off that confidence.

Edited by ChatroomHero
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thefooloftheyear

So now the new theory is that introverted and anti social men can't attract women....

 

The nonsense grows bigger by the day....

 

TFY

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So now the new theory is that introverted and anti social men can't attract women....

 

The nonsense grows bigger by the day....

 

TFY

 

I am not saying that. I am saying that introverted anti-social men who have the inability to read social cues need to start on the bunny slope of dating; not rush out of the gate to the double black diamond of trying to pick up a stranger in a bar.

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This is BS...And here's why....

 

Good looking/attractive men don't need to really be gentlemanly...Heck, sometime's they can be downright docuhey and yet may never be thought of as "creepy" by women...

 

Conversely, homely, awkward, physically unappealing men can try all of the so called "gentlemanly" tactics and still get dismissed as creeps..

 

Its one of those things that have a sliding scale and selective application...Of course if you are one of the homely types, you are better off going the gentlemanly route...it will likely get you nowhere, but at least you may not get publicly humiliated, a drink poured on you, or worse..

 

TFY

 

 

Again,

 

No matter what you look like, no matter where you were born, the only thing you can control is your behaovor. Being a gentleman, and having some honer will work. This idea, of I do not know what it is, well read up on it. Ask a guy you know who is not a creep. Make some rule for yourself. How you act towards women, is the only thing you can control. So be in control of yourself. Curiosity, manners, and just plain knowing how to talk, but above all listen, is the key.

 

As for the good "Looking " guys, yeah, they may get some women, but not the type you would really want to live or have a date with. A woman who jumps into bed with a good "looking" guy, and nothing else deserves what she gets. Word gets around.

 

I wish you luck......

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Fear of being creepy is what that voice in your head is telling you, and preventing you from talking to women. It's basically fear of rejection.

Men chat me up and ask me out in public. I don't think they are creepy, and I don't embarrass anyone even if I have to turn someone down.

 

The only creeps are the ones trying to establish eye contact. And I'll tell you why it's creepy. The man just stares and it is not obvious if he is staring because he hates me or he is planning to rob me in the parking lot. In those cases I make it obvious I am aware of him and I want nothing to do with him.

 

If he had been interested I wouldn't know and don't care. The nervous man often is not aware his stare to establish eye contact is filled with tension which may look like hate. Remember fear and hate are closely related emotions. Even if he tries to smile it looks creepy because it's fake.

 

So for men who are not confident approaching women, don't stare because it's more aggressive and rude than you realize. And if you spend time staring you end up overthinking and make it difficult. Just dive right in and don't think, that's most natural.

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Being in a group is KEY.

 

Let me repeat, KEY.

 

I have done fine myself but rarely when I was younger did I go places solo to try to meet women. The lone wolf thing doesn't really play in your favor, even if you are very attractive and smooth.

 

Being with other people gives you social proof. So bring people along. Try to make sure the dudes are are a bit shorter/less good looking than you, but not bad. You being taller, better looking, and possibly the most generous with buying rounds, will make you the de facto center of attention in the group. So then just enjoy yourself, laugh, chat, be affable to those around you, whether they be male or female.

 

Now if you have a cute female friend (or two) who would come hang out with you, that revs things up significantly. My god, it's like magic.

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