Merhistheword Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 (edited) Yeaterday my gf asked to borrow some money, which she called a swap. She borrowed the money and pay me back on payday(the next day). She explained that she needed to borrow the money to get her car inspected. She was off the today and it wouldve been a good time for her to go. I agreed, and left my debit card for her to use. I get off work and realized that shes got her hair and nails done, with my money. I say something about it and she asked why i was mad if im getting the money right back. I later found out that she didnt even use the money to get her car inspected. She spent more than 200 dollars of my money and not a cent went into the car inspection. I got upset and called her inconsiderate and selfish. I went the day with no money( she had debt card) because i was trying to help her out. We got into an arguement about the situation and she said i was treating her like a child and she can spend her money anyway she wants. (But it was my money she was borrowing) she didnt know how much money i had in my account before spending and she didnt even ask me if it was ok. She'll pay me back but after she pays for all her bills and what she spent she will be broke. This is her first paycheck with her new job and i know it wont be a lot.why would she waste money knowing that? Ive been paying her car insurance and every single bill including rent for the last year because of her not being able to find a job. It would have been nice of her to help me out instead of wasting 200 bucks. Weve been together for almost 4 years but im really starting to feel like im being used. Edited February 8, 2019 by Merhistheword Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 That was pretty rotten of her. You agreed to give her $x for a necessity. She spent way more than that on getting her hair done, something frivolous. Get your money back immediately & in the short term make her sign a document agreeing to pay you back. Then never give her your card again; if she needs to borrow money & you agree give her the cash only or pay the vendor directly. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 That's incredibly deceptive and selfish, asking to borrow money for a necessity and spending it on luxuries. She's clearly not very good at being frugal with her spending when times are lean - unfortunately she's used to having you pay her rent and bills, which leaves her to spend her money how she wants. She is right in saying she is allowed to spend her money how she wants - but that only applies after she's contributed to the household (in whatever fraction works at the time) and paid any other ongoing expenses (such as her car). That's just life. I'd also feel used in your situation, but I'd also call into question whether I'd be able to trust her more generally. Link to post Share on other sites
fairyfloff Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 After she pays you, Dump her ass! Sounds like she is using you. You deserve so much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 You are dating a princess, cut her loose. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 First of all, lets be real.. she isn't paying you back! At best she will offer it to you, then she will tell you give you a sob story about how she can't because she has to many bills and still needs the car inspection, and it's only her first pay check, and you're so mean and unfair for not being more understanding.. What she did was no better than lies and theft in my opinion. What's worse is she had absolutely no shame in lying to your face and giving you attitude for it when you called her out on it. Yes, you are being taken advantage of, and it seems clear that she feels entitled given the length of your relationship, and the fact that you have supported her for so long. She is 100% in the wrong for what she is done, but if you are going to keep giving and giving, then she is going to keep taking and taking. If you want things to change you need to have a dramatic shift in boundaries. Stop supporting her and giving her your access to your card. She cannot be trusted with it, and you need to tell her that. She lost that privilege. I assume you live together so I'm sure this is going to a huge struggle, so be prepared. She won't give up her "dues" without a fight. If you are serious about making a stand, I'd recommend that you change your pin if you have one and keep an eye on your bank statement at all times. Even writing this I'm thinking, why bother being with someone like this? A partner who doesn't seem to be able to support themselves and EXPECTS you to give them whatever they want doesn't sound like a fair or equal relationship. At the end of the day, this is your relationship, and only you can decide if this is a deal breaker for you. I just hope for your sake that you stop letting her walk all over you. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 I would be FURIOUS. Honestly she is showing you who she is. A selfish, disrespectful, irresponsible liar. Oh and don’t forget money grubbing. Personal I think you are a fool if you choose to stay with her. She doesn’t respect you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Four years means she's the same girl from your previous threads. What is it about her that makes this horribly entitled, ungrateful, and bratty behavior worth putting up with for four years? I refuse to believe that this woman is pulling her weight in this relationship in any way. It sounds like you're paying for her to have a free ride, and she's milking it for everything she can get. My fiancé and I were both working when we met, but he's gradually taken over paying for most things and eventually gave me the green light to quit my job. He supports me and my two kids. He's occasionally given me his card to use for this thing or that thing... I would never dream of using it for anything else without his prior approval. I also make sure, at minimum, that the house is tidy, kitchen and dishes clean, all laundry done and put away, and dinner ready when he gets home (or thereabouts). I also take care of purchasing/putting away most of the groceries and household goods, fix him coffee and breakfast most mornings, and say THANK YOU on a regular basis for all that he does for us (and he gets sex whenever he wants it - some people balk at that concept, but I really see it as the absolute least I can do, and it's MY policy, not a requirement of his). And when I WAS still making some money while he was pretty much paying for everything, I was using it for things like stocking up on extra food, putting gas in his car, replacing worn linens and housewares, etc. Legit "extra" money that I didn't feel bad about spending frivolously, I was just as likely to do something nice for him or take us all out for a cheap family dinner date as spend it on myself. What does this girl do for you, besides spending your money and giving you attitude? It sounds like OSTENSIBLY she's supposed to be working and contributing - but she's doing the absolute bare minimum she thinks she can get away with, not even seriously trying to hold a job and maintain an income because she feels entitled to yours. Unless she's been some kind of domestic rockstar during the times she hasn't been working, AND unless she's been pitching in (financially) proportionally to her income when she was... Yeah, she's using you. You should dump her. I know you care about her kids, but do you really want to be responsible for helping raise another generation of human beings who see this behavior as normal and acceptable? Especially considering that when they grow up to be good-for-nothing freeloaders, YOU'RE going to be paying THEIR bills too? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Look into my crystal ball... Stay with this woman, marry this woman, not only will she spend all your money but you will spend a lifetime arguing about your finances... Do with that prediction what you will... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 What is it about her that makes this horribly entitled, ungrateful, and bratty behavior worth putting up with for four years? I’m going to guess that she is really good looking and the sex is really hot! That seems to forgive a lot of sins... Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 That's what I'd be inclined to think as well, I just have a hard time imagining that a woman with that kind of attitude is giving or generous in any area of the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Your future has just been shown to you... the key is what are you going to do with it ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Merhistheword Posted February 10, 2019 Author Share Posted February 10, 2019 I broke it off... She had no remorse for it so. I told her to leave. Now I just have to keep my word and not let her back into my life. You guys are absolutely right. I've been blinded by charm and good looks. Ive let her gaslight everything. Thanks guys for the advice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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