CantGetEnuff Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 (edited) Background: Since I can't create an "official" poll, this will have to do. This is an off-shoot of a thread, but I think it might have wider application and interest. I had mentioned that I have had some sexual thoughts about my attractive female friends. Many female posters in the thread seemed surprised and said that they never had sexual thoughts about male friends, even if such friends were conventionally attractive, funny, smart, etc. They put the male friends in a "friendzone," devoid of any trace of sexual attraction. QUESTION: Have you ever had sexual thoughts about any of your friends? Please answer the question in your post and indicate your marital status and gender. The gender identification part is vital, as we in the previous thread were trying to honestly figure out if there is a huge difference between how men and women answer this question, or if I am just a perv. The marital status is important because some people might say that they can turn off attractions when they are married, whereas they might allow the attraction if they are single. *Feel free to explain your answer, but please ultimately answer either YES or NO. And please don't respond to other people's answers because it will be much easier to tabulate results if everyone just posts once. I'm curious about this! Edited February 7, 2019 by CantGetEnuff Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 27yo straight guy here. If they are a new friend, and if and they have the sort of features and personality I'd consider attractive then yes, but it's just that - a thought. I've never acted on those thoughts since either I'm in a relationship and don't want to throw that away by cheating, or I don't know if they're even interested in me in that way. If they start to become a close friend then sexual thoughts don't even cross my mind. They become more like a sister than a potential partner. Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Female here. No for me. All of my sexual fantasies are about imaginary people, well because, they can be a lot sexier than real people. Even when I've had a really bad crush on a guy, I have romantic fantasies about kissing him but almost never fantasized about going beyond that. I know my husband's sexual fantasies involve real women, including those he knows, so I won't be surprised if the answers are different for men and women. Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 No. MW, been M upward of 10y, together about 15. Haven’t been attracted to anyone other than H since we got together. Did I have sexual thoughts about any of my friends before that? No. They were filed as “friends”. If I had sexual thoughts about them, I’d have filed them as “potential lovers” and acted on it. Link to post Share on other sites
ericw899 Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 No. MW, been M upward of 10y, together about 15. Haven’t been attracted to anyone other than H since we got together. Did I have sexual thoughts about any of my friends before that? No. They were filed as “friends”. If I had sexual thoughts about them, I’d have filed them as “potential lovers” and acted on it. 22 year old male. Answer is yes. Was best friends with a girl for 15 years & we just made out a couple months ago. I think that qualifies as sexual thoughts Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Ever? Yes. Currently, no. Divorced female. Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 yes single female Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Female, relationship status too complicated to explain, and yes I have fleeting thoughts of attraction towards friends but I don't fantasize about them unless I actually want to date them. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 In a committed relationship - hetero male Yes. Because Y chromosome. Pretty sure there is a basic programming routine to men that causes some sort of "f$#@ or no f$#@" analysis. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 Female Married No Friends are those who I share other interests with, that I don't share with husband. All are female. I don't think hubby would get freaked out about my meetings with the Flower Club. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 Female. Single. Yeah sure, but not obsessively. If you count fleeting sexual thoughts, that pretty much includes everyone: friends, colleagues, animals, robots, aliens. But I draw the line at children and relatives. Maybe you should be more specific. Sexual thought everytime I see the friend? Once in awhile? Once? Link to post Share on other sites
KatDN Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 Friends? Nope. Unfortunately (and accidentally) worse than that ... Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 (edited) There is a woman at work who is super hot (to me) and as much of a friend as someone I have no social contact outside work could be. I noticed her when I first came to the place to interview. But, as attractive and friendly as she is, she's married and only speaks fondly of her hubby. So with the way my big head works, I have her totally compartmentalized as a 'sister'. The limit of my sexual thoughts are 'very nice body'. If she was single, I'd be fantasizing about sex and chasing hard in an attempt to turn fantasy into reality. Almost forgot ... single male. I finally went back and read the OP. So to answer the question, No because it's been so long that I can't remember having friends who were single, female, and attractive. I'm sure I would if there were such folks. On the other hand, plenty of sexual thoughts about women I meet in day to day life: retail clerks, customers, clients, etc. Edited February 8, 2019 by nospam99 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 Male, divorced and remarried. It depends, if she's single and attractive, yes, but only fleeting thoughts and nothing I would act on. If she's married, then absolutely not. I am certain that I would never in my life cheat with a married/engaged woman as well as women who are in an exclusive relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Otter2569 Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 Male, divorced/single and no. 30 yrs ago yes. My friend had the hottest GF who he ended up marrying. She had a killer body. I found her incredibly sexy. I even dreamed about seeing her naked and having a chance to sleep with her. I thought he was the luckiest guy in the world. FF a few years: she cuts her hair, has a breast reduction, puts on 30+ pounds and is high maintenence. Cured me of any further desire Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 Male, married 20+ years, no. Any woman who I know beyond an acquaintance or a work colleague is a part of "couples friends" - there are always enough formal boundaries so that temptation is not an issue. And that's just as well. I've always been the type for whom friendship with women and romantic interest run very close together on the same spectrum. The only women I ever even tried to get to know on a BFF level were the few I dated. Some time ago after I was married, I tried to develop a closer friendship with a single colleague who was a woman and before too long, I developed feelings and had to end the friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 Woman, 40, married: I don’t seek out nor have men “friends” I work in a male dominated field. I deal with them all day. I have zero desire to deal with them outside of work. Men exhaust me. Truly. You all are tiring. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Woman, 32, married. I don't really have sexual thoughts about people I know in real life who aren't my husband. A sexy stranger is one thing, but people you actually know, from coworkers to neighbors or whatever, are all humans riddled with flaws and complications. If I tried having a sexy fantasy about a colleague it would immediately be followed by thoughts about how awkward it would make everything and how so many people would be hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Female, single, no. I would never get close to a man I am attracted to - either we are already sleeping together by then or we stay at acquaintance level. If he is not into me in "that" way, why would I torture myself by becoming close... I have had a fleeting sexual thought about acquaintances or colleagues but these are the people I'm at "hi how was your weekend" level. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 female, married and no, I don't. I'm a one person kind of person. Link to post Share on other sites
ZayKayWill Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 All the time. It's called being human. Also I'm a 28 year old single male. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Female, divorced, no. Historically I don’t make friends with people I’m attracted to looks-wise. If I’m attracted they either become a lover or become a crush and I’m not friends with crushes. I’ve had attractive friends but they don’t attract me if that makes sense. I’ve always had more female friends because men usually end up trying to sleep with you. The few sexual thoughts I’ve had that were probablly not appropriate with people I see daily were with a couple of co-workers who were incredibly sexy. Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Male, single yes. But they're just that. Thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
LastStraw Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 Female, 34, in a committed relationship- Well, my BF was a friend for years before we hit it off. Attraction was always there but there were other circumstances so nothing happened until 3rd year:) So YES attraction to friends is real. Now I’m too focused Olin him to care and I don’t generally hang out with men, if I did though - of course I might have got attracted. Attraction doesn’t depend on marital status lol, that’s PC bullshyt, only thing that may be different is acting on things or not. But hell YEAH, whoever say otherwise is probably dishonest even with themselves... Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 FBut hell YEAH, whoever say otherwise is probably dishonest even with themselves... I suggest that, instead of projecting your own thoughts/values on to others, you take them at their word. There's a whole wide world of people out there...we don't all think the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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