Broken_81 Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 I have been with my husband for 23 years. We got married 5 years ago and everything was great. We have been together since teenagers and been through a lot. Over the years I have caught him sexting different women. We have been able to work through it and I stressed that I did not want to get married if it were to continue. I trusted and yet here we are again. I don’t think that it has gotten physical but can’t really say with certainty. He blames it on me since I work 2 jobs and he is lonely. For years he sleeps on top of his phone, never has it out of his pocket where I could look at it, never charges it when I’m around unless he is on it, and deletes browser history daily. It was a fluke I saw it and it appeared to be a texting app but I flew into a rage as soon as I saw it and didn’t see where it was coming from. He won’t admit to it, tell me what it was. I am sure he is hiding more and don’t want to be hurt anymore. We have sex frequently so I don’t understand why he needs to do this. He won’t go to counseling and I can’t trust him anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 I have been with my husband for 23 years. We got married 5 years ago and everything was great. Why did it take you 18 years to get married? I'd guess you see matrimony very differently than he does. It obviously represents the next step in commitment to you, while it seems to simply be a continuation of the same relationship for him. And since the arrangement had included other women without real penalty - you're still around, right? - he doesn't have much incentive to do things differently. No consequences = no change. So the real question isn't why is he still doing this, it's why you're still there when he's been doing this for years ? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 For years he sleeps on top of his phone, never has it out of his pocket where I could look at it, never charges it when I’m around unless he is on it, and deletes browser history daily. Hmm... what was your first clue. Given what you have shared, it’s not hard to assume that something inappropriate is clearly going on here... and has been going on for a very long time. It’s convenient for him to blame his poor behavior on you, because the only other person who could be to blame is himself... and he’s not about to hold himself accountable for any wrong doing. The question is - after all this time, will you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShadeOfGreen Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 He blames it on me since I work 2 jobs and he is lonely. This is absolute crap. People are responsible for their own behavior. Blaming you means he takes no responsibility for cheating. If he's unhappy, then it's healthy for him to say so in a meaningful productive way. If he can't do that, then going to a therapist can help to get things out in the open. In the end, there are non-destructive ways to cope with being unhappy in a relationship. Too often people reach towards cheating, drinking, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 This is absolute crap. People are responsible for their own behavior. Blaming you means he takes no responsibility for cheating. If he's unhappy, then it's healthy for him to say so in a meaningful productive way. If he can't do that, then going to a therapist can help to get things out in the open. In the end, there are non-destructive ways to cope with being unhappy in a relationship. Too often people reach towards cheating, drinking, etc. Pffttt....if she has two jobs and he's so bored and lonely, then why doesn't he cart his arse outdoors and get another job too? OP, his behvaior isn;t your fault. You could be the happy hooker of H. street, be a perfect homemaker, be more entertaining than the best comic, cook better meals than a profesisoanl chef and be with him 24 hours a day, and he would still sneak his phone to the bathroom for sexting every time your back was turned. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 He's done it multiple times, it's a habit for him, addictive habits are very hard to break. By blaming you he's proving that he's not even trying to stop, he's just trying to find excuses. If you don't want to be with a man who sexts other women, you don't want to be with this man. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 You can't say you didn't see it coming. They say love is blind but this is ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts