Does it seem people are more materialistic nowadays than prior?

[MrLewis]

I'm still new on the dating scene than from a few years ago, and it seems things have changed a bit; and not for the better. I don't understand these "apps", and I'm under 40. Women, I meet in groups or social events seem to also care more about what I have and what I make. Both I decline to answer. This is not the first time either, they seem to all inquire about my living situation, why I selected to move here instead of there, and what I earn. It's seems dating is becoming more of a materialistic qualifying contest than finding someone who actually wants you for you, not what you can do to make their life better and easier.

 

I guess, this is the new world of dating and mating. It just seems upside down and counter-productive.

[Juha]

Welcome to the new world of dating...

 

If you live near a big city then you will deal with this.

Women are now all looking to see what you can do for them and how much money you make, car you drive, house/condo, etc....

 

Can blame Hollywood for this... Very difficult to find a woman who is not money driven now. Especially as they get older.

 

Just keep plugging away at meeting women and hoping a good one has slipped through unmarried or divorced..

 

I wish you the best

[grays]

I feel the same, and I’m a woman. Happens in both directions regularly. I don’t like it at all. But if a guy is asking me those questions early on I know he’s just not the one for me.

 

I used to be a lawyer married to a lawyer for 25 years. I wasn’t ever happy with all that, him or the focus on career. So after we broke up I became an Uber driver. I really don’t have a lot of money but I don’t care. I’m happy. But I’ve recently come to the conclusion that if I want to continue this kind of lifestyle (and I do) I need to either be with someone who values money/career the same way I do (little to none) or with someone who has so much money that my contribution to our joint situation would be of no consequence. Anyone in the middle would feel like I was s burden dragging them down.

 

I briefly dated one guy who very early on expressed disappointment in my lack of ambition for money who is desperate to own a home. He’s not only looking for a significant other but also a co-home-owner. I felt a twinge of offense when it first came up, but I kinda get it. I have already owned a home and know I don’t care about that sort of thing, but he never has and a lot of people do feel like they need something like that to feel comfortable and safe. I can’t fault him for it, but I also don’t want anything to do with it. He wanted to continue dating but I felt like if we turned into a real thing someday he’d always feel like I blocked him from reaching his goals or at least made it much harder.

 

I’m happy to report that my current guy is rich as **** and doesn’t care one iota about what I’ve got or what I’m making. But a while back I was very happy in a relationship with another Uber driver.

[smackie9]

They are not gold digging they are being realistic. You have a steady job/career? great. Can you support yourself? great. You have a car and a roof over your head? good so do I. You make as much as me or more? fantastic. At least you are not homeless, or living in your mother's basement, between jobs, or financially in transition from a bad divorce. They are looking for reliable, and stable.

[MrLewis]

Yes, it seems it's all about money and what I can do for them. I do not come off as rich or well off, nor do I try to be. TBH, I work extra hard to come off as getting by just fine. Let alone, I run a business company that spans three states. Yes, I own my own home, but my car is nothing special. I own a Chevy Blazer, and wear jeans with a decent shirt. I do not like getting dressed up (I.E. sports jacket or suit, yet my employees do it). I have no one to impress, nor should I have to prove myself to anyone. I workout, I play activities, volunteer, cook for homeless families, etc. But when it comes to dating, I just do not think I should have to prove my material worth. I guess, in my late 30's, I am more about giving back now since, I guess, some can say I made it. Great. Who cares. As long as my bills are paid and I can eat, I am content. All these women, who have their own careers, which is fine, seem to call themselves princesses and wanting a man to take care of them so they can travel and not worry about finances and the stresses of life. It's so weird and different.

 

The other woman I was dating for a bit was worried that since I didn't purchase something at Whole Foods which I thought was overpriced, and I purchased it on Amazon (ironic, no?) for more qty and at at cheaper price that I am stretched financially. I just said I'm getting by just fine. I guess, since I do not have social media and show off, that makes me less of a value; financially?

 

I must be missing something.

[MrLewis]

They are not gold digging they are being realistic. You have a steady job/career? great. Can you support yourself? great. You have a car and a roof over your head? good so do I. You make as much as me or more? fantastic. At least you are not homeless, or living in your mother's basement, between jobs, or financially in transition from a bad divorce. They are looking for reliable, and stable.

 

Those are given basics. The last few want much much more, and I am trying to think are we now in a transactional based society? In order to date or to form a relationship, a man needs to have to dress like James Bond, don a Rolex, drive a Range Rover and travel around the world like some instagram model?

 

I guess I am just confused on what the general woman is looking for? It doesn't seem like date or relationship, it seems more like a sugar daddy? These are not women who are in their 20's or early 30's. I thought it was safer to aim for 34 +, but they seem to be just as their younger gender. I understand supporting one's self and having disposable $$$, but what does the woman (or if in reverse, man) bring to the table aside from sex? Sex is great (for both genders), but if it means zero and is broken down to a commodity, then it really is a diminishing rate or return. No?

[smackie9]

If I was a super career woman wearing designer clothes and doing alright financially, I wouldn't date you, because I want someone compatible to my lifestyle.

 

 

 

So that being said, you would be a better catch for someone who has a more casual lifestyle that likes bowling and pizza.

[MrLewis]

If I was a super career woman wearing designer clothes and doing alright financially, I wouldn't date you, because I want someone compatible to my lifestyle.

 

 

 

So that being said, you would be a better catch for someone who has a more casual lifestyle that likes bowling and pizza.

 

 

So how is that dating? That's a sugar daddy. How does two people, making 100k + a year, where one person is paying for the other person's time/company normal? Have people lowered themselves to where people have to pay for their time and company? I ask you again, how is this different than a sugar daddy / sugar baby relationship? Is this the norm now? Honest question, as this was never the case when I was in the dating market previously. Just seems strange to me.

 

Just curious and not singling you out directly, just responding to your response.

[RecentChange]

So how is that dating? That's a sugar daddy. How does two people, making 100k + a year, where one person is paying for the other person's time/company normal? Have people lowered themselves to where people have to pay for their time and company? I ask you again, how is this different than a sugar daddy / sugar baby relationship? Is this the norm now? Honest question, as this was never the case when I was in the dating market previously. Just seems strange to me.

 

Just curious and not singling you out directly, just responding to your response.

 

What Why would you say that a successful career woman - wanting to date an equally successful man a "sugar baby / sugar daddy" relationship?

 

Huh? Major disconnect here.

 

I honestly can't understand your confusion.

 

Lets say she makes $100K and he makes $50K a year. Wouldn't that make HER the sugar daddy if you really believe everything is so black and white and all about money?

[RecentChange]

Is this really a new phenomenon? That success, especially financial success matters in dating?

 

Do you think back in the 50’s when it was expected that the wife would be a home maker, and that the husband would be the provider – that the ability for the husband to provide would be a major factor in courting?

 

I don’t buy for a minuet that back when women did not often work outside of the home (ie the good ol’ days) that a man’s earning potential didn’t matter.

 

Today, I think that many women who make their own livings want PATNERS. Men who are also making their own way, men who are successful etc. Like Grays points out, you are either going to be a contributor or – a burden.

 

Personally I am fairly career oriented, driven, and wouldn’t be thrilled to date an Uber driver like Grays example. I would be looking for someone more compatible and sympathetic to my lifestyle. And no knocks against Uber drivers, just different goals, way of life etc.

 

I think that there are plenty of men out there doing just fine on the dating scene without Rolexes or sports cars or world travel. Honestly, things are not that black and white. If your perceived lack of wealth that is causing you so many dating issues – perhaps its time to start fishing a different pond. Maybe the whole foods crowd isn’t for you. There are certainly some social circles that are more materialistic than others. Believe me, living in Silicon Valley this is quite evident.

 

The other thing I will point out – I think this becomes more obvious with age. When your social circle is all young and broke college kids, success and money really do not matter much because most do not have those things yet.

 

The older and more established you get, the more important it becomes to find a partner that is on equal footing. 20 years ago, I wouldn’t have given a damn what the guy did for a living. But at 40? With an established career I busted my butt for? It would be important to me. That’s not the times changing, that isn’t Hollywood or Instagram – its being in a different stage of life.

 

I make around 6 figures. I don't need a "sugar daddy" but if I was looking for someone to date, I would ideally want someone near my income level so that I didn't have to support them financially.

 

Does that make sense? Do you see the difference between that, and a young cute, and broke sugar baby that gets bought by a sugar daddy?

[Simple Logic]

When I was younger, everyone was at the starting line in life and rather equal. The front runners were not clear.

 

I found as I got older it was a lot easier to tell the winners from the losers. It got real easy to tell those who fell on there face at the starting line.

[frus69]

If the woman is a high roller herself then nothing wrong if she wants you to be on the same level. Besides, many guys these days arent really assets but liabilities. Women cook, clean, do housework, take care of herself, and the man, and now she even makes more money than the man, seriously , why would she wanna do that..

[edgygirl]

When I’m working I make 6 figures and I wouldn’t really want a man who makes less than me. Shoot me? It’s kind of funny you’re surprised women would want someone in the same educational and intellectual level and that they try to gauge your situation. That’s just normal. I don’t “need” their money but I want someone with the same socioeconomic background or above mine.

 

At the same time, I would not be with someone I don’t connect with or our personalities don’t match only because they’re doing well financially. So your assumption that all women are only after your money might be a little skewed.

[alphamale]

you have to stop socializing with gold-diggers

[frus69]

To be honest many men who bashing women on their standards are losers themselves, that's why they get so bitter.

 

No all men, but many.

 

It's funny cuz men can go after hot girls but women can't choose rich guys? Lol

[Tamfana]

A man's ability to provide for a wife and family has been a qualifier for dating and marriage around the world pretty much forever. It's still relevant for people who want a traditional type of marriage or want children with the wife being the primary caregiver. Even setting aside tradition, today people meet strangers online rather than through community and connections (where ability to provide and family status were known) so potential partners have to exchange a ton of baseline information themselves, including economic position.

[mortensorchid]

I don't think people are any more or less materialistic than they were 20 years ago. I don't think people are any more or less materialistic than they were 100 years ago, now we have new platforms in which to witness some of it. I had the misfortune of knowing gold digging / using women in action, two of them were childhood friends unfortunately. I remembered when we were kids and not believing what I was seeing before me as an adult - both of them wouldn't be friends with you unless there was something in it for them, they took what they wanted from others, and the unfortunate men in their lives were doormats or clueless enough.

 

But with that being said ... I think every generation has its own materialism in some way, its different attitude or whatever it is. It's a different spin on the same things just different marketing tactics.

[brokenblade]

To me, with the advent of social media, I can see how people can seem more materialistic. However, the area I live in is full of people who are pretty much "lost" and "lonely".

 

It seems like a good time to meet people, but I am too busy working these days.

[brokenblade]

To be honest many men who bashing women on their standards are losers themselves, that's why they get so bitter.

 

No all men, but many.

 

It's funny cuz men can go after hot girls but women can't choose rich guys? Lol

 

Funny thing.

 

I myself am a "loser", but I don't knock women for having standards. I just work on myself to bring myself to a standard that I am satisfied with.

[frus69]

And that's an attractive attitude that we should all have. Instead of complaining, just try make ourselves better

[edgygirl]

On the other hand of what I posted before, historically and biologically women have always wanted to feel protected and men wanted healthy women to have babies (hence many go for beauty, it usually means health). Times have changed but biology hasn’t caught up just yet. The world is still the same - most women are attracted to powerful men who can provide and (most) men are attracted to beauty. These things are still ingrained in us, always have, and fighting it is futile.

 

So it’s just natural that with dating today when you mostly meet someone online, you’d have to inquire to find out about their status. In the past you knew it as you met through family, friends, people local to you or through societal entities.

Edited February 6, 2019 by edgygirl

[alphamale]

Historically and biologically women have always wanted to feel protected and men wanted healthy women to have babies (hence many go for beauty, it usually means health). Times have changed but biology hasn’t caught up just yet. The world is still the same - most women are attracted to powerful men who can provide and (most) men are attracted to beauty. These things are still ingrained in us, always have, and fighting it is futile.

 

So it’s just natural that with dating today when you mostly meet someone online, you’d have to inquire to find out about their status. In the past you knew it as you met through family, friends, people local to you or through societal entities.

 

spot on edgy

[Ruby Slippers]

Throughout the ages and around the world, women universally want men who can support them financially, or at least earn more than them and hence provide more financially.

 

There are exceptions, but most women don't respect and hence aren't attracted to men who earn less than they do and are less financially stable and strong.

 

You'll do best focusing on women below your income level. In most cases, that's the only category of women who will appreciate and respect you.

[LastStraw]

Throughout the ages and around the world, women universally want men who can support them financially, or at least earn more than them and hence provide more financially.

 

There are exceptions, but most women don't respect and hence aren't attracted to men who earn less than they do and are less financially stable and strong.

 

You'll do best focusing on women below your income level. In most cases, that's the only category of women who will appreciate and respect you.

 

Oh god no! Who the heck cares what their date makes especially in the beginning?? Like I’ll go out with pen and paper and compare and contrast our salaries and investments

 

People are more materialistic now than before but yet of attraction and love are there, they trump all numbers (money, height, weight, age, you name it)

[thefooloftheyear]

Throughout the ages and around the world, women universally want men who can support them financially, or at least earn more than them and hence provide more financially.

 

There are exceptions, but most women don't respect and hence aren't attracted to men who earn less than they do and are less financially stable and strong.

 

You'll do best focusing on women below your income level. In most cases, that's the only category of women who will appreciate and respect you.

 

Eh.....I think it depends on the age range....Younger? Sure....Later in life? Eh...not really so much, as they aren't at an age where there will be picket fence, kids and a Labrador Retriever..

 

Several of guys I know, some that are flat broke, have gone on from their first marriages to couple with professional women that make more than they do....And everyone seems pretty happy...

 

While no one likes a mooch, as long as they are pulling their own weight it seems like its not really been much of an issue...At these advanced ages, its pretty much "what's yours is yours and whats mine is mine" outside of shared living expenses...So I cant see how it would really matter at that point..

 

While I think its an issue when kids and such are in the plans, women later in life holding on to this idealogy may find themselves holding the bag...

 

TFY

Edited February 6, 2019 by thefooloftheyear