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Hey all,

 

I've written on this forum about this woman i've been seeing for a couple of months now. Huge fear of intimacy. I've been dealing with a lot of hot and cold emotionally periods with her. Some weeks she'll be extremely loving, tell me how much she cares and can't wait to see me, etc. Then others she's cold, wants her space and is very short. So things by and large were going really well. Then last week I could tell she was distant and in one of her cold periods. She stayed over and the next morning she says, ''this past week i've just been feeling that this isn't going anywhere. We had it, and it was great, I don't know what's changed, but this past week I just feel completely different, and don't see a romantic future". So we're basically taking a week break to get our minds together before we talk about our future. I feel like we were moving too fast with the relationship, spending too much time together and she just felt smothered. But my question here is.. Is it worth it to try to salvage something with someone that can so easily try to end things because she didn't feel right for a WEEK? I have serious feelings for her, and she has feelings for me too. I just think she felt overwhelmed with how fast things were moving. How can I save this?

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I'veseenbetterlol

100% not worth salvaging. I've been in this type of situation a couple times and the emotional hurt is not worth the outcome. The outcome usually is them cutting you off completely. If someone doesn't want to commit, leave them and find someone who does.

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lt's up to you how much you wanna put on the line, you know the drill.

She's on off hot cold and now she wants a week, apart from that she was really special to you.

So that's really about it in a nutshell and the gamble you take with your heart giving it more soooo, up to you.

But, as you'd know time together is also about getting to know each other and maybe she's just decided she knows enough now and it's not for her.

But you know that too.

Suppose you could wait , see how she comes back with next week, it's only a week , someone we feel that way about is very hard to find if not impossible.

 

Personally , l get space , l need space , and l get hot cold , and l've sabotaged just for space alone.

But your woman , sorry to say but it all sounds a bit different and l'm guessing she's just as much not feeling it and yeah , your better off trying to find someone else that does and you do.

Butttt, l guess a week isn't gonna kill anyone, everyone could be wrong , maybe it is her issues.

Wouldn't get my hopes up though sorry.

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So we're basically taking a week break to get our minds together before we talk about our future.

 

Is this because you would not accept her breaking up with you, and you convinced her to give it another week?

 

I think the things she said to you - "this isn't going anywhere...I don't see a romantic future" - kind of crushed any chances of a relationship. Those statements are not ambiguous at all. They were kind of a deal breaker. I don't know why you don't see it that way. Why would you want to chase after someone who does not see a romantic future with you? You can probably do better.

 

It seems to me that she's never been 100% sure about you. You seem completely convinced that she feels as strongly as you do, but you really can't know this when she's been hot and cold the whole time. You're only counting the times when she's been "hot" and into you, but I think you should put just as much importance on the times when she's been cold. It's like you're not factoring in the "cold." It's an important piece of the picture.

 

And this has all happened with a very new relationship. A couple of months. It's not worth it. You can find someone who truly does like you as much as you like them, where there won't be weird periods of cold distance. Wouldn't that be nice? Aim for finding someone like that.

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LivingWaterPlease

Agree with other posters. I'd say, "Cut your losses." She's not going to change. If anything she'll grow more and more distant.

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"How can I save this? " -- Save what? A lukewarm "relationship" with a woman you've only known for 2 months? People try to save marriages or long-term, committed relationships, not THIS. You don't want her, you want who you hoped she would be.

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