Patricia777 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 (edited) Hi I recently reconnected with a man I dated briefly 3 years ago. On the date which was for birthday drinks he indicated that he still like me romantically. We texted on and off for about 2 weeks then we went on a second date . He kissed me and told me he really liked me. I then heard nothing from him for 9 days . I thought it was weird and he said that he thought about me every day ? I questioned him on this saying if this was true you would have called. I then told him I was going to end the phone call and just thought he was messing me about. He has now messaged me apologising saying that he did not want to harass me which is why he did not call ? I think this sounds dodgy . It does not take more than a minute to call or text someone. He has also asked me out to a concert this week. He is 54 and I am 53 . I think he should know better . Your thoughts would be highly appreciated. Edited January 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Why did your previous relationship end, for curiosity? Was it related to communication issues and lack of consistency/respect? At his age, if he has any experience with relationship, I would think he should know better too. That said, you have two options here. End it. Or, give him another chance and communicate exactly what you expect from him if you continue to date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Sounds dodgy to me too. Sounds like he was weighing his interest or considering someone else before he finally called. He may really have been thinking about you every day, but in a questioning way. Who knows what/who else he has going on in his life. If you like him and want to go to the concert then go. Just pay attention for any future dodgy behaviors and don't get invested in him yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patricia777 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 The previous relationship ended due to constant dating for about 3 months with very little contact from him via text or phone calls , a few sporadic dates and I just got tired of it as I felt it was going nowhere and I simply stopped calling him to see if he would call me . He didn’t ! The reconnection happen because he texted me out of the blue and we started texting again and it was his birthday and he suggested meeting up again. On meeting the physical attraction was still there for me and him ( or so he said ) . I just think he is very immature and don’t want to go to the concert just want to severe ties and I got all excited thinking maybe then no contact for 9 days. He then reconnected with a text then a phone call the day after as I did not reply. Btw the most we have ever done is kissing physically and a little handholding. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Sounds like nothing has changed. I wouldn't waste any more of my time or emotion on him. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 He’s strange, at best. Most likely playing a game with you. Go with your instincts and stay away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patricia777 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 Ok thank you ladies confirmed my decision. I just wondered if I was being mean and I should give him another chance as he is begging for one . My gut was telling me to just move on and decline his invitation. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 The old pattern that you didn't like last time has re-emerged. He's always going to be like this. You don't like this so stop trying to date him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 well now a days men have to be careful due to #metoo. an unsuspecting man may get slapped with a lawsuit just for looking at a girl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
golden.peach Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Considering it's not the first time he's done something like that, I wouldn't waste my time with him either. You made yourself available for him each time he contacted you - so he knows he can ”hehe into the wind” and reappear as he wishes. One of the most useful things you can learn in life is to pay attention to what a person does to back-up his or her words. ”I like you very much / I care a lot about you” mean nothing by themselves. Of course, there is always the possibility that he's going through something difficult, but I doubt that's the case. Most likely, he's just unreliable. It's up to you - if you really like him, go on another date with him and be upfront about everything, ask him if there's anything difficult happening in his life at the moment. Also, I'd recommend you to say that you can't go to the concert, but you could meet up one day earlier - try to see if he's interested enough in you or he simply doesn't have a concert partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 The previous relationship ended due to constant dating for about 3 months with very little contact from him via text or phone calls , a few sporadic dates and I just got tired of it as I felt it was going nowhere and I simply stopped calling him to see if he would call me . He didn’t ! The reconnection happen because he texted me out of the blue and we started texting again and it was his birthday and he suggested meeting up again. On meeting the physical attraction was still there for me and him ( or so he said ) . I just think he is very immature and don’t want to go to the concert just want to severe ties and I got all excited thinking maybe then no contact for 9 days. He then reconnected with a text then a phone call the day after as I did not reply. Btw the most we have ever done is kissing physically and a little handholding. He's the same guy you dated previously. You are still the back burner girl he keeps on a string for when the dating pool is really dry. Don't answer him or reach out to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patricia777 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 I find him very attractive and I guess most woman do as he is very handsome! I think I could ask for another day/date but I actually think he only asked me to the concert as a last ditch attempt as I said goodby in our last phone call and told him I felt like a ‘escort, Decision as been made now to walk away although it’s hard as the chemistry when we met up always seemed so good. Than you so much for all you comments and advice x Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 (edited) Well there's a lot of "don't waste your time" advice. But If you want to find out what is going on, you are going to have to waste a little time. A date once in a while isn't costing you anything,...literally,...if he is paying for them. He sounds like a typical middle aged man who is way way out of practice with this "dating stuff" and is probably getting all kinds of conflicting advice from friends, family, and maybe a few YouTube videos telling him opposite things to do. When you stop texting he is probably is following advice that says "She ain't interested,...DUMP HER!!",....and then he hears other advice that says, "It's your job to chase, not her, women should never chase!",...and then he probably hears advice saying something yet completely different. So he ends up running around in circles and twisting in the wind. Men aren't robots, we are just as confused about all this as everyone else is. So if you enjoy the guy's company when you are with him then go on a date when you hear from him,...so what?? If you have another guy (guy #2) offers a date in the gaps where you don't hear from guy #1 then go out and have fun. See 2 or 3 of them at the same time if you have the chance. No one owes anyone anything, they are just casual dates. You keep doing that till one guy rises to the top above the others,...you become exclusive with that one and see where it goes from there. If you don't become more efficient in this way then before you know it you won't be 53,...you'll be 63,...then 73,...and still be sitting there right where you are now. BTW - I'm 56 and single,...so don't tell me I don't understand. Edited January 28, 2019 by PRW Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Some men are just weird like that. I don't think it necessarily means he has someone else and you're the second option. Some men are loners, and conflicted about dating and intimacy. It doesn't seem he's someone open to dialogue about whatever issue he has, so it seems you're better off letting this one go. I know it's hard when we like something about them. But even if you do keep dating, would you like to be with someone who seems to be so avoidant and non-caring about your feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patricia777 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 (edited) Thank you for your advice but he told me on second date that.... 1) he really liked me and wanted to start a relationship. Then he just did not call when I asked him why he told me that he had. I asked when ? He then conceded he had not but he had thought about me ????? I think that is strange. If he felt the way he claimed he could have text/rang etc. I don’t want to date different people same time I think it’s confusing. I prefer if I meet someone to see how it goes. I will think about your advice for the future but this guys intention are clear , he was just not that into me’ message now received and understood and all I can do by moving forward is react by moving on . The thought of continuing is making me ill now as it will be a concert then no contact then another date this is how it was before not something I am familiar or comfortable with. I think we just have different dating styles and expectations x Edited January 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I prefer if I meet someone to see how it goes. I will think about your advice for the future but this guys intention are clear , he was just not that into me’ message now received and understoodI think you need to put a little more thought into what I told you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I don't think he's just not into you or that he's multidating. I've met the perpetual bachelor before. He is as into you as he can be and he just doesn't like women all that much. Maybe he used to try hard but now he's older and resents the effort he has to put in for female approval. He doesn't care anymore. He contacted you because he didn't want to be alone on his birthday. And he wanted to go to the concert but he doesn't want to go alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 OP, this is a quote from your opening post -- "I think he should know better" It is not for you to "know" what he does or doesn't know. So go by what you do know: 1) You dated him previously and he was wishy-washy about it and didn't keep in good touch 2) You tried dating him again and the same thing is happening 3) You don't like "how" he dates you. Move on and don't look back. He doesn't owe you anything and you don't owe him anything and you certainly don't want to be his dating "teacher". He's 54 years old. He is the way he is and he's not going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Sounds like he's trying to keep you at arm's length. Probably because he doesn't want anything serious, or he's doing the same thing with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I think the comments about him not wanting to be alone on his bd and not wanting anything serious are correct, but what bothers me are his comments about how he thinks about you everyday. There’s no excuse for leading people on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patricia777 Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 He contacted me agin today with this text. He claims that he is really sorry he said he never meant to disrespect me and was looking forward to the start of something that he totally ruined before ? He said he wishes me well and he misses me . I feel sad Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 He contacted me agin today with this text. He claims that he is really sorry he said he never meant to disrespect me and was looking forward to the start of something that he totally ruined before ? He said he wishes me well and he misses me . I feel sad That is sad. Maybe the two of you should meet for drinks and talk about it. Surely he knows that no communication for nearly 2 wks doesn’t fly. That’s what I’d bring up, along with past history. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patricia777 Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 I text him and ask him about the distance 9 days and he said he has just come out of a relationship and feel he needs to work on himself . He said he felt emotionally exhausted after leaving his last relationship meeting me was purely birthday drinks and he did not expect to have feelings for me . He also said that he needs time and when he is ready he will come for me and hope it not to late .... ... I feel now that I have a answer he is just not into me ! Despite his words I think if he was he would not pass up the opportunity. He said his last relationship he ended because he liked her but did not fancy her? I am getting so many immaturity vibes . Or am I being mean Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patricia777 Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 If he felt all this why did he hold my han Kiss me take me on date etc I guess I was the get over a break up girl Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I’d take what he said in exactly the way he said it. He likes you a great deal but also realizes he isn’t ready to take the leap. Leave it alone. If he reappears and you’re available, great. See what happens. You never know. Link to post Share on other sites
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